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An ode to that “coffee friend”

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Re: An ode to that “coffee friend”

#151

Post by DocTomoe »

bythreads wrote: post #145
DocTomoe wrote: post #120

Earlier quoted context omitted.

As a pretty nerdish guy (Computers, space program, star trek, electronics, miniatures painting) in our central European equivalent of high school, I don't remember instances of bullying against me. Bullying was something that we were aware of, sure, but it seemed to come from (US-centered, go figure) media, and henfighting between the girls.

Its funny that this is still a thing - the only reason why bullying happens is because the culture of it is not broken by the school itself. My kids go to a scholl where: 1: you can only ever arrange playdates or gatherings with a maximum of 2 other kids - or its the whole class 2: bullying is not allowed in any way shape or form 3: no one is allowed to exclude others from games, plays or events 4: this is rigorously…

At my school, no rules - or kids - had to be "broken". It was not supression of a behaviour, the behaviour just did not exist. If people behaved badly, the group was self-governing, making clear to the offender that their behaviour was "not cool" - and thus, they weren't. If you have a cultural problem that shows itself in bullying, fire the teachers. Also consider stopping adversarial school activities.

If these rules extends to life outside of school, I would be concerned more than relieved by rules 1 and 3. We should not normalise state-level control of our private gatherings by teaching freedom of association is somehow evil in children. It also would give a group of kids no way to sanction against antisocial behaviour by another kid (cheating in a game comes to mind).

That this has the thin varnish of "democratic debate" (which, let's be honest, will be quickly overruled if the kids decide the rules are stupid) only adds the additional aspect of showing in real-life how democracy is a scam that enforces things the powers to be like to happen while giving the impression it was a majority decision.

Re: An ode to that “coffee friend”

#152

Post by Stratoscope »

Of course when you get a special present for that friend who is really into something, you may go down the wrong track.

A family member once drove down from Portland to visit us in San Jose. She knew I was really into coffee and roasted my own.

She stopped at a little roastery on the way down and asked, "Give me the darkest roast you've got." After all, the darker the roast, the better it is, right?

Naturally when she gave it to me, I said "That's a burnt roast! It's good for nothing but the trash."

No, obviously I didn't do that.

We ground some and brewed it and enjoyed it for what it was: not just the beans, but the kindness and thoughtfulness that went into picking it out for me.

Re: An ode to that “coffee friend”

#153

Post by ryan_lane »

wheels wrote: post #65
wfleming wrote: post #39

As somebody who has been “that coffee friend” and received far too many coffee-related gifts for years (including many pounds of stale, burnt beans), I wish people wouldn’t do this. If I’m super into topic X and you’re not, there’s a good chance whatever you get will either not be of interest (e.g. bad beans) or just redundant (I can only use so many mugs or grinders). Obviously the thought is always appreciated, and…

Yeah, I'm a whisky nerd, and the uninitiated trying to buy me whisky is almost always disappointing. Usually it'll be something from the grocery store, which has a chance of being ok, but has no chance of being novel, while simultaneously for the buyer feeling like it's pretty expensive. I've told folks that want to buy me something to go into a specialty shop and ask for recommendations there. If they want to excite…

This is one of those cases where I'm thankful that I'm also really into making cocktails, because unless the whisky is absolutely disgusting, it's going to work in a cocktail, and at the very least, it's a challenge for me to make it work.

Re: An ode to that “coffee friend”

#154

Post by pcl »

The_Colonel wrote: post #137
abricq wrote: post #119

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I wish this was true but unfortunately, I must disagree with saying that it is different in Europe. In France, 10 years ago, high-school was a constant lookout for who's the 'popular' kids (literally called like that). And reversely, nerds kid would often be made fun of, or socially excluded from breaks / activities. However, i have talked about this before with my wife who's from Italy and said that she never experi…

It's a pointless effort to box the whole Europe into one stereotype, it's too diverse for that. From my POV, the school social structure in USA seems very "schematic". Like there are popular kids and they look like this and have these attitudes, then there are geeks who are socially awkward and physically weak, then there are jocks etc. My experience from growing up in Czechia was way more "random". There are kids wh…

“It's a pointless effort to box the whole Europe into one stereotype, it's too diverse for that.

“From my POV, the school social structure in USA seems very […]”

I agree that it’s harder to generalize over all of Europe.

FYI, the US and Europe are roughly the same population and size (ignoring, as ever, poor Alaska) — ~350 million vs ~500 million, and ~8 million square miles vs ~5 million square miles.

While the US is considerably more culturally homogeneous than Europe, it is also quite hard to generalize across the United States.

Re: An ode to that “coffee friend”

#155

Post by The_Colonel »

pcl wrote: post #154
The_Colonel wrote: post #137

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's a pointless effort to box the whole Europe into one stereotype, it's too diverse for that. From my POV, the school social structure in USA seems very "schematic". Like there are popular kids and they look like this and have these attitudes, then there are geeks who are socially awkward and physically weak, then there are jocks etc. My experience from growing up in Czechia was way more "random". There are kids wh…

“It's a pointless effort to box the whole Europe into one stereotype, it's too diverse for that. “From my POV, the school social structure in USA seems very […]” I agree that it’s harder to generalize over all of Europe. FYI, the US and Europe are roughly the same population and size (ignoring, as ever, poor Alaska) — ~350 million vs ~500 million, and ~8 million square miles vs ~5 million square miles. While the US i…

Europe is actually 750 million. EU != Europe (EU had ~500 million before brexit)

Re: An ode to that “coffee friend”

#156

Post by lukego »

unwind wrote: post #122
lukego wrote: post #101

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Any time someone gives me chocolate as a gift I say a polite thank-you and then discretely throw it in the trash. Maybe I'm an outlier, or maybe not...

You forgot the why-part, which certainly seems on topic in this thread. a) You just don't like chocolate and never eat/bake/cook with it, b) You really like chocolate but only very particular/fancy kinds that people never manage to gift you, c) Sonething else that would be actually interesting to hear.

Generally I'd hesitate to buy people sugar, alcohol, tobacco, drugs, video games, dvd collections, etc. It might upset the balance of their relationship with those things. A lot of people struggle with that stuff.

So if you give me a box of chocolates, a case of beer, a carton of cigarettes, a bag of weed, the latest Call of Duty, or a Game of Thrones boxed set, I'll thank you politely and then dump it. I don't enjoy doing that one bit but it beats eating/drinking/smoking/playing/watching stuff that I'd otherwise deliberately refrain from.

Re: An ode to that “coffee friend”

#157

Post by kubanczyk »

switchbak wrote: post #69
gnarcoregrizz wrote: post #67

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I've heard the advice to give a gift of something that you like, because people are bound to be disappointed if you try to cater to their interest. I'm into cycling, and I've received many cycling-related gifts, many of which I unfortunately haven't used. Meanwhile, I've had a few products that I'm really fond of that I've received good feedback about. A few examples are tools, flashlights, and one which was received…

I've had the opposite experience a lot: I give a fancy niche thing, and get confused looks because they don't understand its value. Then again much of my family is terrible at graciously receiving gifts!

Wait, are "confused looks" bad? I'd love to get a confusing gift.

Re: An ode to that “coffee friend”

#158

Post by stdbrouw »

Tangential to the post, but I think it goes from being cool to being off-putting when there's a performance element to being a ___ guy or ___ friend. Someone who puts "caffeine addict" in their Twitter bio is making a carefully honed statement that (1) they're really into coffee, they're a geek and obsess over things (2) but also they're relatable, everyone loves coffee, right? and (3) they're vulnerable, they're willing to admit that they have vices too. It has a kind of weird humblebragging vibe to it.

Re: An ode to that “coffee friend”

#159

Post by pcl »

The_Colonel wrote: post #155
pcl wrote: post #154

Earlier quoted context omitted.

“It's a pointless effort to box the whole Europe into one stereotype, it's too diverse for that. “From my POV, the school social structure in USA seems very […]” I agree that it’s harder to generalize over all of Europe. FYI, the US and Europe are roughly the same population and size (ignoring, as ever, poor Alaska) — ~350 million vs ~500 million, and ~8 million square miles vs ~5 million square miles. While the US i…

Europe is actually 750 million. EU != Europe (EU had ~500 million before brexit)

Yes, and if you include the Russian bits the size comparison changes considerably.

In my experience, when non-Europeans say “Europe” they mean something like “the union of the EU and the EEA and the UK”. They probably exclude Russia and a few of the Russian-adjacent states, and if they think of Iceland, they include the part on the North American plate as well as the Eurasian plate.

Re: An ode to that “coffee friend”

#160

Post by enqk »

bythreads wrote: post #143
abricq wrote: post #119

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I wish this was true but unfortunately, I must disagree with saying that it is different in Europe. In France, 10 years ago, high-school was a constant lookout for who's the 'popular' kids (literally called like that). And reversely, nerds kid would often be made fun of, or socially excluded from breaks / activities. However, i have talked about this before with my wife who's from Italy and said that she never experi…

So controversial anecdote: I was an exchange student in france (from denmark) for a few months - when i was around 14. And i was shocked to my core when i saw how teachers and the schoolsystem was put together. There was a boy in my class that had difficulties at home and struggled in school (daydreaming instead of focusing etc) and i clearly remember this scene where the teacher mocked him infront of the class sayin…

Yes the educational culture in France is really into public shaming. You can directly see its effect on the rest of the culture
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