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An ode to that “coffee friend”

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Re: An ode to that “coffee friend”

#141

Post by noduerme »

renewiltord wrote: post #93
rootveg wrote: post #81

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Not to mock but that sounds like a classic ADHD trait... coming from someone who in the last few month bought a e-piano, started painting and sailing

Everything a pathology, innit mate? ADHD is only ADHD if it impairs your functioning. If you're interested in a lot and can complete things then it's clearly not a disorder. And the man has written many books so clearly does not have an attention disorder.

I swear, I did not read this before writing my response about pathologizing to the same post. I guess it's a type of thinking that presents a pretty narrow target. Easy to recognize as a crutch once you're aware of it.

Re: An ode to that “coffee friend”

#142

Post by coldtea »

nxmnxm99 wrote: post #100
koonsolo wrote: post #98

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This "too cool for stuff" sounds like US culture. I never experienced that kind of thing in EU. We each had our own friend groups, and didn't really care what the other groups were into. I once heard an artist say (can't remember which one), that they loved playing in Europe, since everyone at a festival is there to have fun. While in US, everyone is there to look cool.

It's a nice sentiment but really isn't accurate.... unless you're suggesting nerds don't get bullied in Europe

Nerds can be bullied everywhere.

The difference with the US is about the social dynamics and the organization of school life, not about whether a nerd might be bullied.

The same way school shootings are an order of magnitude or two less common in Europe, in an total area with more population than the US has.

Re: An ode to that “coffee friend”

#143

Post by bythreads »

abricq wrote: post #119
koonsolo wrote: post #98

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This "too cool for stuff" sounds like US culture. I never experienced that kind of thing in EU. We each had our own friend groups, and didn't really care what the other groups were into. I once heard an artist say (can't remember which one), that they loved playing in Europe, since everyone at a festival is there to have fun. While in US, everyone is there to look cool.

I wish this was true but unfortunately, I must disagree with saying that it is different in Europe. In France, 10 years ago, high-school was a constant lookout for who's the 'popular' kids (literally called like that). And reversely, nerds kid would often be made fun of, or socially excluded from breaks / activities. However, i have talked about this before with my wife who's from Italy and said that she never experi…

So controversial anecdote: I was an exchange student in france (from denmark) for a few months - when i was around 14. And i was shocked to my core when i saw how teachers and the schoolsystem was put together.

There was a boy in my class that had difficulties at home and struggled in school (daydreaming instead of focusing etc) and i clearly remember this scene where the teacher mocked him infront of the class saying stuff like "looking out the window again are we, no wonder you're slow and stupid when you dont participate" - queue the other kids laughing.

This happened across classes, multiple times with different people. The teachers where petty, confrontational towards other with differing opinions and did not enjoy being challenged in any ways, shape or form.

(I landed myself at the principals office multiple time by defending the vulnerable ones against draconic teachers) - and i'm not sure if it's still allowed - but i witnessed multiple times where teachers hit students.

(This was a "good" school btw.)

It was clearly an institutional culture, and they didn't know what to do with me because i came from the complete opposite and had the moral highground constantly - the kids where sad when i went back, the teachers (& principal) happy.

Oh, and the actual level of teaching was super bad, all learning by hearth - no "think for yourself", composition or divergent thinking allowed

Re: An ode to that “coffee friend”

#144

Post by noduerme »

tkgally wrote: post #130

The American writer Calvin Trillin wrote a short story called “A Christmas Shopping Tale” about how this kind of gift-giving might not always be welcome. It appears in his book Too Soon to Tell (1995). Excerpts: “There was once a man named Arthur Robinson who was, as they say, very hard to shop for. He was a nice man, but as the Christmas shopping season began every year, his family and close friends and business ass…

I think this is untrue in a couple of ways. Firstly, people like being considered easy to buy for and don't resent it. Secondly, people grow into whatever they end up with a collection of. Thirdly, Americans don't use the word "dreadful".

Re: An ode to that “coffee friend”

#145

Post by bythreads »

DocTomoe wrote: post #120
nxmnxm99 wrote: post #100

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's a nice sentiment but really isn't accurate.... unless you're suggesting nerds don't get bullied in Europe

As a pretty nerdish guy (Computers, space program, star trek, electronics, miniatures painting) in our central European equivalent of high school, I don't remember instances of bullying against me. Bullying was something that we were aware of, sure, but it seemed to come from (US-centered, go figure) media, and henfighting between the girls.

Its funny that this is still a thing - the only reason why bullying happens is because the culture of it is not broken by the school itself.

My kids go to a scholl where: 1: you can only ever arrange playdates or gatherings with a maximum of 2 other kids - or its the whole class 2: bullying is not allowed in any way shape or form 3: no one is allowed to exclude others from games, plays or events 4: this is rigorously enforced 5: no smartphones or the likes until 4th grade (11-12)

This is then instilled in parents and kids, any crossing of those lines is debated in a democratic way and creates a selfenforcing positive feedback Loop

Re: An ode to that “coffee friend”

#146

Post by The_Colonel »

drstewart wrote: post #140
The_Colonel wrote: post #137

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's a pointless effort to box the whole Europe into one stereotype, it's too diverse for that. From my POV, the school social structure in USA seems very "schematic". Like there are popular kids and they look like this and have these attitudes, then there are geeks who are socially awkward and physically weak, then there are jocks etc. My experience from growing up in Czechia was way more "random". There are kids wh…

>From my POV, the school social structure in USA seems very "schematic". Like there are popular kids and they look like this and have these attitudes, then there are geeks who are socially awkward and physically weak, then there are jocks etc. What are the odds your POV is coming from television and movies?

It surely comes from television and movies, that's where I first got to know it. And for many years I thought that this is just a media illusion.

But seeing real conversations using those stereotypes ("I was your typical nerd kid at school") here, on reddit and even talking to people IRL convinced me that this "caste system" does actually exist in real life (of course not to the overblown degree shown in movies).

Re: An ode to that “coffee friend”

#147

Post by buro9 »

The way social media (connections by people you know) destroyed most forums (connections by shared interests) is going to be felt for years.

Forums (and BBS before them) were so effective in connecting people over shared interests that they created so many shared contexts between those people that anecdotally for those who lived on forums... loneliness is far less of a societal issue than those who didn't experience forums.

I would've loved to have seen an alternative timeline where social media wasn't as it is, but was always around interests.

Re: An ode to that “coffee friend”

#148

Post by cs02rm0 »

koonsolo wrote: post #98
fishtoaster wrote: post #47

I thing I decided late in life is that being really into things is cool. Something I'm rather sad about is that highschool kinda beat that attitude out of me. I was a classic nerd, including all the bad attributes that label comes with, but also one really good one: I was really into a number of things. But I learned from hard experience that being super into stuff was lame - being disinterested and too cool for stuf…

This "too cool for stuff" sounds like US culture. I never experienced that kind of thing in EU. We each had our own friend groups, and didn't really care what the other groups were into. I once heard an artist say (can't remember which one), that they loved playing in Europe, since everyone at a festival is there to have fun. While in US, everyone is there to look cool.

Definitely a thing in the UK. Tall poppy syndrome - you didn't want to stand out in any way.

Re: An ode to that “coffee friend”

#150

Post by dagw »

bythreads wrote: post #145
DocTomoe wrote: post #120

Earlier quoted context omitted.

As a pretty nerdish guy (Computers, space program, star trek, electronics, miniatures painting) in our central European equivalent of high school, I don't remember instances of bullying against me. Bullying was something that we were aware of, sure, but it seemed to come from (US-centered, go figure) media, and henfighting between the girls.

Its funny that this is still a thing - the only reason why bullying happens is because the culture of it is not broken by the school itself. My kids go to a scholl where: 1: you can only ever arrange playdates or gatherings with a maximum of 2 other kids - or its the whole class 2: bullying is not allowed in any way shape or form 3: no one is allowed to exclude others from games, plays or events 4: this is rigorously…

I think you have an extremely naive view of both children and bullying. My daughter goes to a school with very similar rules, and they're followed up by the school, and if you where to talk to the parents I'm sure at least half of them would claim that the school has no bullying or at least handles it very well. And despite all this, my daughter still got horribly bullied by her classmates.
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