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What happened when my wife died

newyorker.com

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Re: What happened when my wife died

#11

Post by jakzurr »

bachmeier wrote: post #7
pinewurst wrote: post #4

https://archive.ph/r4Glj

Thanks for posting, but this (and all other links to this site) are unreadable due to ads that cover the text, so it doesn't really help with paywalled sites. Edit: Here's a screenshot for the curious: https://github.com/bachmeil/screenshots/blob/main/ads-over-t...

Ah, that sucks. You might try:

Chrome + NoScript (default settings, with only google.com allowed to run scripts). Works on original and archive sites.

The old Kill Sticky wipes out the banner -

  javascript:(function()%7B(function () %7Bvar i%2C elements %3D document.querySelectorAll('body *')%3Bfor (i %3D 0%3B i
I used to use Firefox with NoScript; haven't tried it on this.

Re: What happened when my wife died

#12

Post by [deleted] »

bachmeier wrote: post #7
pinewurst wrote: post #4

https://archive.ph/r4Glj

Thanks for posting, but this (and all other links to this site) are unreadable due to ads that cover the text, so it doesn't really help with paywalled sites. Edit: Here's a screenshot for the curious: https://github.com/bachmeil/screenshots/blob/main/ads-over-t...

[deleted]

Re: What happened when my wife died

#14

Post by gumby »

I know what it is like to be asked that unanswerable question: “where is mummy?” I gasped when it appeared at the end of the essay.

The thing about having a kid is you have to get up and keep moving. The author decided to clean up and shave, but even if you don’t you can’t spend all your time moping. The kid needs your help.

Re: What happened when my wife died

#16

Post by jakzurr »

jakzurr wrote: post #11
bachmeier wrote: post #7

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Thanks for posting, but this (and all other links to this site) are unreadable due to ads that cover the text, so it doesn't really help with paywalled sites. Edit: Here's a screenshot for the curious: https://github.com/bachmeil/screenshots/blob/main/ads-over-t...

Ah, that sucks. You might try: Chrome + NoScript (default settings, with only google.com allowed to run scripts). Works on original and archive sites. The old Kill Sticky wipes out the banner - javascript:(function()%7B(function () %7Bvar i%2C elements %3D document.querySelectorAll('body *')%3Bfor (i %3D 0%3B i I used to use Firefox with NoScript; haven't tried it on this.

I keep forgetting, most people are reading from mobile; I have no solution. I'm getting old...

Re: What happened when my wife died

#17

Post by nske »

Tsiklon wrote: post #9

This is a heartbreaking piece of writing. Engaging and wistful. I feel this person’s pain, and I wish I could hug them to say that the pain and loss they experience Will pass some day. But life doesn’t give us such affordances. And this man has to deal with the most personal loss and simultaneously be the rock his daughter needs to rely on. This hurts my heart. It hurts my soul (should such a thing exist). All I can…

I am sure that she will, and that she is also his rock already. My mother's story is very similar. When I was young, I was self-centred and didn't appreciate how strong she was, how an amazing job she was doing. And still from her perspective having me was giving her strength and purpose, even though I was like that. But my point is that these things always leave a big footprint, even if at first you don't think much of them -and when you grow up a bit they start clicking.

I'm so grateful that I've never felt the loss of someone very close to me, but at the same time it's my biggest fear in life because I have no idea how badly it would break me and if I would have the strength that these people have.

Re: What happened when my wife died

#18

Post by Tsiklon »

nske wrote: post #17
Tsiklon wrote: post #9

This is a heartbreaking piece of writing. Engaging and wistful. I feel this person’s pain, and I wish I could hug them to say that the pain and loss they experience Will pass some day. But life doesn’t give us such affordances. And this man has to deal with the most personal loss and simultaneously be the rock his daughter needs to rely on. This hurts my heart. It hurts my soul (should such a thing exist). All I can…

I am sure that she will, and that she is also his rock already. My mother's story is very similar. When I was young, I was self-centred and didn't appreciate how strong she was, how an amazing job she was doing. And still from her perspective having me was giving her strength and purpose, even though I was like that. But my point is that these things always leave a big footprint, even if at first you don't think much…

That you’re self aware of your selfishness then that is half of the battle towards recognising that you can be better.

When I was younger I always thought I was something special. High school sorted that issue out in a certain sense. In a way that everyone is humbled.

Treasure the time you can spend with your parents, for me COVID had allowed me to spend so much time with my parents, to be able to see them as peers. And I found that as something special.

Re: What happened when my wife died

#19

Post by igetspam »

I don't know how this is relevant to HN but it feels well timed, for me.

My wife is alive. She doesn't a terminal diagnosis. But for the last five years, she's had no diagnosis. Visually, she's stunning and fit. According to every test they run on her, there appears to be nothing wrong. There's no explanation for the temporary blindness, the rapid onset arthritis, the partial spinal fusion, the diverticulitis, the random bleeding, the persistent fluid buildup and inflammation or the new magical DVT they found when looking for something else. It could be autoimmune, it could not be, I could be anything at this point. And there's no one who either wants to or is qualified to look.

I lost it after the title and lost it more through the first section. I couldn't even tell my wife what I was reading, when she came into the room. This story is the tale of all my fears. But where's he's poor, I'm not and where he has community, however temporary and dwindling, I don't.

I cannot imagine having to explain to our daughter that mommy is gone but I'm constantly thinking about the possibility of it. I've been worrying about this eventually for a couple years now and I don't know where people find the strength but somehow they do.

I feel for the author. I dread his reality every day.

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