>I am not deriding that choice, just that it's a curious thing. We all blame our day jobs for eating most of our time. But when we do get total freedom, we hardly remain as productive as we imagined ourselves to be. I thought I was different. But no! Recently, I took a career-break and I thought I would use the newfound free time to learn all the things I was putting on the back-burner. Instead, I found myself to be dramatically less productive compared to when I was working. Lacking objective, or structure in the day, I found myself playing video games or surfing web pretty much all day.
I know the sensation! I'm currently taking a week vacation, and, although I've gotten a lot of work done around the house, my primary motivation for taking the vacation was to study cybersecurity stuff. I had been putting in 2 to 3 hours a night but had found it frustrating to have such a limited window after work/before bed. Now that I have that time, I'm either walking the dog, cutting up unused boxes, sweeping and cleaning, or watching random stuff on Odysee. It's not that those things are necessarily bad, but it is such a poor misuse of time.
It's almost a sense of fear of productivity. I can't quite put my finger on it. It's like an apprehension to get started. That, if I begin, maybe I won't want to stop. Or that, maybe if I do it, I won't make the sort of progress I would expect to make with the amount of time I can devote to studying. I justify this misuse of time as being "Time to relax, no wrong choices" Etc. Yet somehow, I know that that isn't true. I can feel the regret in the time I've already wasted. Come Sunday night, I'll probably be back to studying, wishing I "just had a few more hours".
I have to imagine that part of the issue is conditioning. We get into our various habits and when those conditions change - even when we ourselves make those changes, intended to benefit us - it puts us in a kind of state of paralysis, leading to indecision. Perhaps it's that we need meaning to define what it is that we're doing, and know that it could have been done better.