301–310 of 368 posts
Adopt either kids or a couple rescue pets. There are people who will remark it's not equivalent, but you really may find it's a very distinct version of satisfying and wholesome.
Earlier quoted context omitted.
married people change together. Their relationship changes together. Invented is such a terrible word. It was a contract. And within that contract was a place for love to grow without the idea the person was going to leave. And within that love was a place for family. Today some celebrate the inverse. Have family. Then love. Then marry. Then divorce. And leaves little to no safe place for any of the above.
Marriage is a contract your future self may regret. It may seem like the right thing now but you at the end of your life may think differently. The OP regrets not having children. His younger self made that decision. He is not too old to go and have kids with someone else or adopt (say as a single dad even). Go have kids man! If your wife doesn't want to then get divorced. If she does then work together. IVD, adoptio…
You remain faithful to the contract, or you are violating the contract in bad faith.
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> Parenting is a biological and psychological life milestone Allow me to disagree. First: there's no evidence of any change in your body, as a male, after becoming a father. Second: supposing such a "wireless" change would happen, getting someone pregnant and immediately disappearing from their life would yield a perceptible change even with distance and no involvement with the life of the child. Third: I personally…
Not exactly true - they have found statistically significant hormonal changes in men after becoming fathers: https://www.nytimes.com/2020/04/15/parenting/baby/fatherhood...
i strongly suspect that it's the act of actively becoming a parent, whether biological or adoptive that is responsible for that change in hormones
Some really good people have been childless through no fault of their own. And choices have consequences for ourselves and others. BUT, my religion teaches that losses or failures in this life can be fully made up in the unending next life, if we start making the necessary good choices and do our very best to continue forward. It also promises peace in this life and eternal life (with and like our Father) in the worl…
Ok, I downvoted you. Your comment isn't about what the OP asked, it's about your religion. You could almost as well post this under a "My regrets about choosing JavaScript" post. ("Don't worry, in the afterlife you'll code in Rust!")
(Heh. I'm learning Rust.)
Edit: Maybe I should have been more clear: that stuff about the next life includes the possibility of having a posterity and maintaining family ties, which seems directly a possible comfort and help, for the OP, and me.
A few posts here are suggesting that it's not too late. Perhaps so, but the way are describing yourself is worrisome, in a way that I think if you attempted to have kids (either biologically or through adoption), your stress levels would reach new heights that are unsustainable. You are depressed, anxious, and have lost sight of what you want out of life. I don't know if kids are the bandage here. At the least, you n…
The key is to find out about yourself first, and only then decide what you want to do. If you have not found your inner peace yet, it is very difficult to make good life decisions.
My own background: self-harm and substance abuse. The key to leaving these things behind was to spend time doing hard work on myself. We all hate hearing this and I hated it too at first, but there is no way for things to get better without hard work. The miracle cure will never work, no matter how hard we wish.
I got a lot out of this Buddhist lecture: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7-jiIpcYMZw
Paraphrasing the video: a cure that works instantly without having to do any work is really a person saying "give me a drug that feels good forever."
It is possible that you would have resented the inability to work the way you actually did with all sorts of long lasting negative effects.
Accept that decisions made by younger you were appropriate for that person and move on.
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Not exactly true - they have found statistically significant hormonal changes in men after becoming fathers: https://www.nytimes.com/2020/04/15/parenting/baby/fatherhood...
yes, but did they compare to fathers who abandon their partner? or don't even know that they are a father? and likewise to fathers who adopt? i strongly suspect that it's the act of actively becoming a parent, whether biological or adoptive that is responsible for that change in hormones
Earlier quoted context omitted.
> Parenting is a biological and psychological life milestone Allow me to disagree. First: there's no evidence of any change in your body, as a male, after becoming a father. Second: supposing such a "wireless" change would happen, getting someone pregnant and immediately disappearing from their life would yield a perceptible change even with distance and no involvement with the life of the child. Third: I personally…
There could be a great discussion about whether male parenting and reproduction comes from the bio/psycho/social drives. For this context, I think trying to make these distinctions is a distraction. By way of common sense, reproducing & parenting has been a HUGE factor in the propagation of human life (this is so obvious it's kind of funny to write).
So basically you don't want to have a discussion that might make you reconsider your belief.