Huh?! These days you are perfectly capable of having kids at your age. In fact, it's not just these days, my grandfather and grandmother were in their mid-40s when they had my aunt. If you really don't believe me then I would recommend having a conversation with a doctor.
Ask HN: How to deal with regret of not having kids
41–50 of 368 posts
Re: Ask HN: How to deal with regret of not having kids
#42> This was the single worst decision I've ever made in my whole life.
Trust me, you don't have any idea. You can't tell that until both you and your kids are dead.
Starting from the moment when your wife gets pregnant, when something strange shows up during the examination, through the trauma of birth, then colics, the first major illness when you have to spend nights with your kid in a hospital. If you are lucky, you never have to deal with anything more grave. But this is a random game. There is no guarantee your kid won't become the cause of your biggest worries in your life.
Re: Ask HN: How to deal with regret of not having kids
#43@OP : Sorry to hear that you are suffering.
To give you a bit of perspective - I think couples who have kids will regret some bit of it. There are things that are inconvenient , there will be missed opportunities either way. So don't think that the feelings you have of regret will go away if you have kids.
It's a conscious choice: You can use IVF / adoption other means to have kid(s) but be aware that once you take the decision of having kid(s), you can't really go back even if you feel helpless,anxious etc:)
Signed, Dad of two kids
Re: Ask HN: How to deal with regret of not having kids
#44Absolutely keep going with therapy. The healing journey might take years, but that's perfectly ok. The worse your mental health issues, the longer that journey takes.
Also, consider adoption. Chances are there are MANY unfortunate kids out there who need a loving home. Just don't think of your adopted kid as the child of a stranger. It will be your own child in every conceivable way.
Re: Ask HN: How to deal with regret of not having kids
#45Hey mate - don't give up. My daughter was born when my wife was 40, and is now a healthy 16 year old.
Failing that - look into surrogacy or adoption. All kids are a blessing.
Re: Ask HN: How to deal with regret of not having kids
#46I was 41 when I had my son, and my wife was nearly 45. It's certainly not too late.
I'm not clear if your wife definitely can't have kids, or if she doesn't want them.
Re: Ask HN: How to deal with regret of not having kids
#47You're absolutely not too old. My mother had me at forty.
On the other hand, with the current state of the world - and the likelihood it's only going to get worse, should you?
Re: Ask HN: How to deal with regret of not having kids
#48Since this is Hacker News: Stallman's take on in this:
Why it is important not to have children. https://stallman.org/articles/children.html
Re: Ask HN: How to deal with regret of not having kids
#49Huh?! These days you are perfectly capable of having kids at your age. In fact, it's not just these days, my grandfather and grandmother were in their mid-40s when they had my aunt. If you really don't believe me then I would recommend having a conversation with a doctor.
There is a possibility we don't know enough about parent's medical history. I was also surprised. Based on my current understanding, upper limit has been 45 for women ( for men it was always way higher bar a medical issue ).
Re: Ask HN: How to deal with regret of not having kids
#50Earlier quoted context omitted.
Why does she have to be religious?
She does not have to, I am merely painting a possible path in a colorful way.
sry, but the picture you're painting might be rational but I don't agree with it. Just because the divorce statistics might be bad doesn't mean you should breakup, just because he is unhappy now doesn't mean he will be unhappy in the future, same goes for the marriage, just because it's bad now doesn't mean it will be bad forever. Just because I want something doesn't mean I should go for it without looking left and right. You also lose something if you decide to change things. He could just adopt or maybe he would just like kids around him, so he could work in a soccer club, kindergarten or something else part time.