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Take a break

robinrendle.com

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Re: Take a break

#131

Post by nurettin »

nonrandomstring wrote: post #8

May I suggest a purely rational, evidence based take? The trap is your belief in a linear relationship between effort and outcome. Working harder and longer produces more productivity, right? That's false. As you say so yourself, your memory goes to shit. It's not just a law of diminishing returns. For coders, past a certain point, exhaustion leads you to start undoing your work. You are into negative productivity. I…

I have alarm bells to realize that I've worked myself to unproductivity:

- Am I tempted to erase types? - Am I tempted to disable unit tests? - Am I tempted to go for technical debt?

Then yes, I have to take a long walk, read a book, or do some manual work until I feel refreshed and wide perspective returns.

Re: Take a break

#132

Post by rtlfe »

Tade0 wrote: post #114
rtlfe wrote: post #90

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Absolutely this. You need to make sure they're clean, fed, safe (physically and emotionally), and are able to play (learn). Beyond that, choosing to parent on hard mode just gives you more stress for no benefit.

Looking back I see some benefit to doing extra - for example my toddler had no issue with weaning or adapting to daycare, which I heard is usually a problem. We didn't implement independent sleeping and getting rid of the pacifier though(so far). I believe that ultimately people usually try to do their best and there's no sense in beating yourself up about it or worse - someone else.

Yeah for sure try stuff out. But if it turns out to be hard, be willing to stop without feeling bad about it.

Re: Take a break

#133

Post by Mulderns »

scruple wrote: post #121
greymalik wrote: post #14

> small hurdles spike my anxiety, my anger flares at the slightest confrontation, I notice fewer jokes, fewer attempts on my part to make people laugh. My memory goes to all hell too and I can’t seem to concentrate on prolonged amounts of anything. Books fall off my radar, I stop listening to music. My phone is in my hand at all times, scrolly-anxiety-inducing apps become impossible to avoid. This describes me perfec…

Yeah, same, minus the phone bit. I absolutely hate the fucking thing. I keep it around because I need an app for communication with my twins preschool and it's undeniably a better point and shoot camera than most actual point and shoot cameras. We have 3 kids, 3 years and under. I'm honestly more regimented in my personal life today than I was when I was active duty military. Things in (all of) our lives fall apart i…

As a father of 3 (oldest at 4.5), I feel you. I have said, half jokingly, that the army was best practice I've had for being in this stage of life.

Re: Take a break

#134

Post by nonrandomstring »

brudgers wrote: post #91
nonrandomstring wrote: post #8

May I suggest a purely rational, evidence based take? The trap is your belief in a linear relationship between effort and outcome. Working harder and longer produces more productivity, right? That's false. As you say so yourself, your memory goes to shit. It's not just a law of diminishing returns. For coders, past a certain point, exhaustion leads you to start undoing your work. You are into negative productivity. I…

Working productively all night is a skill. Just like avoiding meetings. Just like achieving flow state. The all-nighter that results from not-wanting to stop the creative process is not the all-nighter of the deadline death march. Deltas between effort and outcome aren't negative in the flow-state. The are positive and non-linear..that's what flow-state is. And the hard part is that grinding out metaphorical-all-nigh…

Good words. A lot of truth. Actually I was on a self-imposed death march, trying to achieve something my creative self couldn't deliver to my vain ego. You can be your own worst boss sometimes. Agree that all-nighters in a natural flow-sate are some of the best experiences.

Re: Take a break

#135

Post by kzrdude »

ejolto wrote: post #40
throwaway394875 wrote: post #33

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's funny isn't it. Recently in a job with "unlimited" vacation, because of a dubious message from one of my two bosses who was a bit of a dick, I was too scared to take a real vacation. Until Christmas. Then I decided I was going to take some. It had been a rough year, isolating from Covid, not enough money, and living in shitty circumstances. It was the first PTO I'd had in over a decade, as working as a freelance…

This is why we have force vacations in Norway where it's the employers duty to ensure the employees take out their 5 weeks of vacation. No one gets reprimanded for taking vacation, since everyone has to take vacation.

In Sweden, knowing from friends who relocated here, the terms of the work visa in sweden include that one has to take the alotted vacation. Not taking vacation is grounds for not having visa renewed, to avoid exploitation.

Re: Take a break

#136

Post by kzrdude »

throwaway394875 wrote: post #33
quechimba wrote: post #5

I wish employers would see that their employees need to take a break, especially in this type of work where a lot of us really enjoy creating things... At my previous job I didn't even dare asking for vacation

It's funny isn't it. Recently in a job with "unlimited" vacation, because of a dubious message from one of my two bosses who was a bit of a dick, I was too scared to take a real vacation. Until Christmas. Then I decided I was going to take some. It had been a rough year, isolating from Covid, not enough money, and living in shitty circumstances. It was the first PTO I'd had in over a decade, as working as a freelance…

They deserved to lose you, so it's a tragedy for them but should not be for you.

Re: Take a break

#137

Post by tpoacher »

There is a reverse situation too, alas.

Sometimes, a bottleneck appears. It just happens. It's a fact of life.

Classic bottleneck theory tells us that the best outcome is to focus all your energy to resolving the bottleneck as quickly as possible, so that normality is reestablished before an insurmountable mountain of tasks manifests suddenly, seemingly out of thin air.

And yet, tragically, the first sign of a bottleneck is exactly when we (or worse, your spouse) remembers our past resolutions/promises about appropriate work life balance and whatnot, dooming us to yet another unnecessary cycle of losing sleep and struggling to catch up for the next couple of weeks/months.

Re: Take a break

#138

Post by kzrdude »

bdbenton wrote: post #39

I firmly believe that people should take at least one day of the week to not work at all. My code is very buggy and sloppy when I'm completely exhausted, even my grammar and ability to organize ideas falls apart. For many people it's traditionally Sunday or Saturday, but even if you don't observe a day of rest religiously, it is still very practical. If you are involved with intellectual work like coding, switching y…

Having a real weekend shouldn't be a novel idea.. I assume most people in our industry have that? I know it would be a luxury for some, but I couldn't live without it.

Re: Take a break

#139

Post by emj »

tharkun__ wrote: post #93
ip26 wrote: post #81

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Good luck “looking on the bright side” when you’ve had less than four hours sleep every night for the past week. Some kids are just angels and sleep like champs, others fight every inch of the way and wake up constantly. As a result, different parents come up with wildly different “truths of parenting”.

This is true but also dependent on your "other circumstances". The US is decidedly a bad place to be a parent from what I can tell. Parental leave, even when graciously granted by the company is short and frowned upon nevertheless (generalizing here of course but this seems to be the overall majority of cases). Taking a few months of parental leave right at the beginning was such a big help. All of the above becomes…

> living w/ your parents or in-laws.

This does not help if your parents are working, which they usually are.

Re: Take a break

#140

Post by tharkun__ »

emj wrote: post #139
tharkun__ wrote: post #93

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is true but also dependent on your "other circumstances". The US is decidedly a bad place to be a parent from what I can tell. Parental leave, even when graciously granted by the company is short and frowned upon nevertheless (generalizing here of course but this seems to be the overall majority of cases). Taking a few months of parental leave right at the beginning was such a big help. All of the above becomes…

> living w/ your parents or in-laws. This does not help if your parents are working, which they usually are.

I am fully aware of that and that is why I wrote it the way I did. As in, you are quoting just one part, leaving out the most important part of that sentence:

     Back in the day some of that
This implies a time at which at least the mother (in-law) was probably a stay at home mom. Please take note of the word probably. Yes there are and always were exceptions. It's about likelihoods and how societal norms and such have shifted over time. In fact we should probably add "and/or grand parents". And while at it also making extra sure this isn't mis-understood as an absolute or a "current situation" statement: "or living very close by" vs. today where you're more likely to live further apart.
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