Ask HN: What's Your Biggest Regret? • Hacker News Board

Re: Ask HN: What's Your Biggest Regret?

#451

Post by dfex » Sat, Oct 08, 2022, 12:19 AM UTC

THENATHE wrote: post #12

I wish I had asked my dad more things and recorded/wrote them down . My old man is in for stage 4 cancer and it gets harder to ask him things. Every little tidbit of info he gave me over the years I cherish greatly, but I often times (read: nearly always) forget the context or nuance of the statement, meaning that, of the thousands of moments I’ve had with him, only a select few are ones that provide me any insight i…

If I could offer you one piece of advice: if/while you still have time with him, thank your Dad for everything he's done for you.

I was with my Dad in his final hours, but it wasn't until after he'd passed that it occurred to me to thank him, and it still upsets me 3 years later.

Re: Ask HN: What's Your Biggest Regret?

#452

Post by bsnnkv » Sat, Oct 08, 2022, 12:21 AM UTC

93po wrote: post #447

bsnnkv wrote: post #255

Going to try and repost this comment because from what I can tell it was shadow banned, maybe for use of a word that triggered a filter? Most of these I have made peace with and addressed in my life now, but historically, these have been my biggest regrets: Becoming addicted to prngrfy and mstrbtion in my early teens and staying addicted throughout my 20s. I have been sober for years now, and for me, it was only poss…

Your other comment is showing for me

Thanks for letting me know! I think it may have gotten stuck in a filter queue for manual approval. It would be nice to know exactly what triggered the filter so that I can avoid it in the future

Re: Ask HN: What's Your Biggest Regret?

#453

Post by icu » Sat, Oct 08, 2022, 12:39 AM UTC

Be very careful with who you shack up with. Don't settle for partners that mess you around or manipulate you. Make sure you take precautions. The last thing you want is to have a baby with someone who isn't a good person.

Re: Ask HN: What's Your Biggest Regret?

#454

Post by thunkshift1 » Sat, Oct 08, 2022, 12:53 AM UTC

ThalesX wrote: post #128

throw0101c wrote: post #104

I would recommend reading 30 lessons for living : tried and true advice from the wisest Americans by Karl Pillemer: > After a chance encounter with an extraordinary ninety-year-old woman, renowned gerontologist Karl Pillemer began to wonder what older people know about life that the rest of us don't. > His quest led him to interview more than one thousand Americans over the age of sixty-five to seek their counsel on…

I don't know. I used to think that the wisdom of old people was something to aspire to. I come from a place in the world where family ties are very important and we're all very close together, and for the past decade I've been having a lot of trouble with my family's influence on me. Their insistent advice comes from a good place but belongs to a world that doesn't exist anymore or a world that I don't care for; thei…

Better to know what old people have to offer and then discard it, rather than pay no heed to them at all..

Re: Ask HN: What's Your Biggest Regret?

#455

Post by quickthrower2 » Sat, Oct 08, 2022, 1:14 AM UTC

bheadmaster wrote: post #140

I don't really "believe" in regret. At each and every point in my life, I was working with the information I had at my disposal, each information having its own "weight" in my mind. Every mistake I've made has brought some information in my mind that wouldn't have been brought otherwise. Fantasies of "changing the past" are seductive, but ultimately pointless. The only way I could justify having regrets, is reminding…

I regret regretting!

Re: Ask HN: What's Your Biggest Regret?

#456

Post by [deleted] » Sat, Oct 08, 2022, 1:21 AM UTC

[deleted]

Re: Ask HN: What's Your Biggest Regret?

#457

Post by nimithryn » Sat, Oct 08, 2022, 1:43 AM UTC

nmz wrote: post #394

f154hfds wrote: post #247

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It seems you define regret as: if I went back in time I would do instead of and of course this is a pointless exercise if you choose to define it this way. Most people I think define regret more abstractly: back in time, was a _mistake_, it shouldn't have happened, _I_ shouldn't have done it that way and consequences came from it either for myself or those I love. It seems from your response that you're ok with admit…

A mistake is something that shouldn't have happened, regret is the same thing, with the addendum of wanting to change it or not wanting it to happen. Time travel doesn't exist, ergo regret shouldn't exist. I think what op is saying is they don't ruminate on it and I agree, nobody should. unless you have an established pattern, then rumination is self invoked torture.

I think for most people rumination is involuntary

Re: Ask HN: What's Your Biggest Regret?

#458

Post by throwaway2722 » Sat, Oct 08, 2022, 1:50 AM UTC

rchaud wrote: post #416

throwaway2722 wrote: post #396

Earlier quoted context omitted.

There is plenty of survey data to show that baldness reduces a man’s attractiveness. The effect size varies with age. Anecdotally, it also appears to have especially dire consequences in modern online dating. However, this effect surely pales in comparison to the effect of the permanent sexual dysfunction finasteride can cause. It is frankly outrageous that regulators in the United States have adopted the drug compan…

You say you have not dated, so your skepticism is perhaps warranted due to lack of real life experience. There is survey data that can prove, or at least strongly point to pretty much any conclusion you want. And yet, bald people are out there dating. As are overweight people and everyone else that doesn't sit squarely inside society's beauty standards. Have they done anything differently?

I think you misunderstand my position. I am not arguing that baldness makes dating impossible, only that it is more difficult.

I am now far more concerned with the sexual effects of the anti-baldness drug I took which, again, are likely permanent. Men without working genitals have next to no options - if you are interested I would suggest researching accounts from men with a venous leak, botched circumcisions, micropenis, spinal cord injury and so on. There is a reason why those who find partners despite such ailments are a subject of media interest - they are beating the odds.

I would certainly advise other balding men to simply accept it. The risk of ending up in a much worse position as a result of anti-baldness treatment is simply not acceptable.

Re: Ask HN: What's Your Biggest Regret?

#459

Post by goldenchrome » Sat, Oct 08, 2022, 1:53 AM UTC

jefftk wrote: post #166

bheadmaster wrote: post #140

I don't really "believe" in regret. At each and every point in my life, I was working with the information I had at my disposal, each information having its own "weight" in my mind. Every mistake I've made has brought some information in my mind that wouldn't have been brought otherwise. Fantasies of "changing the past" are seductive, but ultimately pointless. The only way I could justify having regrets, is reminding…

Let's say you have two advisors constantly giving you advice about what action to take next, and all you ever do is choose between them. Over time you might learn that one of them gives better advice in some situations and the other gives better advice in others. In this weird hypothetical, regret is noticing that you followed the advice of the wrong advisor for the situation, and it turned out especially poorly. Wha…

I also don’t believe in regret. For me, I’ve always listened to my gut and I’ve always made the right choice. I believe in the power of listening to your conscience. Since I’m so attuned to my conscience, if I make a mistake I catch it and take the next chance to rectify it before life moves on. I never allowed myself to feel regret even if it meant pushing myself way out of my comfort zone or disregarding the advice of someone who has a lot of influence on me. It helps that I’m highly disagreeable (in terms of the Big 5 personality traits).

Re: Ask HN: What's Your Biggest Regret?

#460

Post by hirvi74 » Sat, Oct 08, 2022, 2:03 AM UTC

DontchaKnowit wrote: post #179

Always had an obsessive personality. Raised Christian. Always had a bent for pushing boundaries. Got interested in the nuerochemistry of psychoactive substances. Got very involved in educating myself about drug usage, until I was finally comfortable trying them. Queue ~6 years of polysubstance abuse, wasted money, and fake ass friends. Did everything under the sun I could get my hands on. I think the list of unique d…

(Please ignore my following questions if they make you uncomfortable or you find them offensive)

1. What was your favorite drug you ever tried?

2. What was your least favorite drugs you ever tried?

3. What was your best combination of substances?

4. Do you feel like any of your drug usage has affected your cognition in anyway?

5. Do you ever miss it?

I only ask these questions out of pure curiosity, and I do no intend to change behaviors with the information that you may provide -- as in, I am not going to try new substances depending on your answers. I personally use Cannabis, and I feel like I have definitely noticed both benefits and harm from it. There are no free lunches after all.

Anyway, as some random Internet stranger, I am proud of you, and I hope you are proud of yourself for how far you have come. It seems like you went to a version of Hell and came back, and that is not something many can say. I wish you the all best.