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Ask HN: What's Your Biggest Regret?

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Re: Ask HN: What's Your Biggest Regret?

#121

Post by biorach »

MrDresden wrote: post #100

My father was a alcoholic, who had long stretches of staying sober before always falling of the wagon again. After he had been on a particularly long bender, which finally caused my mother to divorce him, me and him had a verbal fight where I decided I would not have more to do with him until he would seek the help we knew he needed (and we had been offering him for so long). I'll add that he was a moody drunk, never…

Don't feel so bad. I've seen, from a distance, more than one friend tear their life apart trying to help an addict, to no avail. I think that your chances of making any difference at all were slim.

Re: Ask HN: What's Your Biggest Regret?

#122

Post by cranium »

Looking out for my dad more while I was at university. He was divorced, retired, and full of unhealthy habits. I could have come home and cook him a nice meal, do some woodwork side-by-side and tell him what I was working on (he was very proud of me).

He suddenly died from a heart attack on a Sunday afternoon, while I was scrambling to write a paper before the midnight deadline.

Re: Ask HN: What's Your Biggest Regret?

#123

Post by nvarsj »

Letting anxiety control my life for so long.

Marrying the wrong person because I didn’t want to be alone.

Not going into the game industry. I was too afraid of the horror stories at the time, so ignored my passion.

Re: Ask HN: What's Your Biggest Regret?

#124

Post by jerpint »

spaceman_2020 wrote: post #107

Focused too much on making a living in my teens and 20s instead of college and social life. Never pursued artistic interests seriously because I was just too tired from working and stressing out about bills. Now I’m in my 30s with next to no social life and the realization that I’ve wasted away my time and whatever little talent I have. There’s a “regret” folder sitting in my Google Drive with two half-finished books…

Sounds like something to write a song about

Re: Ask HN: What's Your Biggest Regret?

#125

Post by selestify »

bloqs wrote: post #53

To everyone in this thread, a piece of advice I didn't initially believe but over many years I have understood more: "everyone loses 10 years to something, somewhere along the line"

As someone who doesn’t quite understand/believe it, could you elucidate more on that?

Re: Ask HN: What's Your Biggest Regret?

#126

Post by anotherone3 »

Not going to a counselor, psychologist or someone similar when I was in my teens or as a student. I certainly could have benefited having someone to talk to about internal issues I was dealing with. Not doing sports, especially individual sports like martial arts or climbing when I was younger. Choosing to care to much about how I'm perceived.

Re: Ask HN: What's Your Biggest Regret?

#127

Post by weeksie »

spaceman_2020 wrote: post #107

Focused too much on making a living in my teens and 20s instead of college and social life. Never pursued artistic interests seriously because I was just too tired from working and stressing out about bills. Now I’m in my 30s with next to no social life and the realization that I’ve wasted away my time and whatever little talent I have. There’s a “regret” folder sitting in my Google Drive with two half-finished books…

I had been focused on work through my 20s and had always wanted to write. Shifted gears in my 30s and have developed myself as a writer. It wasn't without cost, of course.

If you want to give more time to developing yourself as a writer or musician or artist, there's time. You can shift gears, you just have to understand the tradeoffs because just like neglecting social life and artistic development led to those parts of yourself being underdeveloped, so will shifting gears in your thirties in regards to your career.

If you don't throw yourself full-bore into those new pursuits, you can still pick them up as hobbies, choose modest projects, and split the difference.

Re: Ask HN: What's Your Biggest Regret?

#128

Post by ThalesX »

throw0101c wrote: post #104

I would recommend reading 30 lessons for living : tried and true advice from the wisest Americans by Karl Pillemer: > After a chance encounter with an extraordinary ninety-year-old woman, renowned gerontologist Karl Pillemer began to wonder what older people know about life that the rest of us don't. > His quest led him to interview more than one thousand Americans over the age of sixty-five to seek their counsel on…

I don't know. I used to think that the wisdom of old people was something to aspire to. I come from a place in the world where family ties are very important and we're all very close together, and for the past decade I've been having a lot of trouble with my family's influence on me.

Their insistent advice comes from a good place but belongs to a world that doesn't exist anymore or a world that I don't care for; their advice throughout my life made me less assertive and more submissive in the face of adversity, it ended up having me stay put and not take any chances in life, it ended up destroying a happy 10+ year relationship and just yesterday they started giving me advice again on how I should find a "stupid fat woman" (yes, these are the words) so she can "bare children and not give you headaches".

So, in my 3rd decade on this planet, I have come to fear the advice of old, and to cringe whenever I get these important life lessons. It took a very big toll on me, to shy away from them, and to actually start being myself, and my quality of life improved dramatically, but even now they still push and prod and try to 'advise' me.

I hope I won't end up on my death bed, regretting not following their advice, but for now, I'd rather not regret the present.

Re: Ask HN: What's Your Biggest Regret?

#129

Post by ilamont »

spaceman_2020 wrote: post #107

Focused too much on making a living in my teens and 20s instead of college and social life. Never pursued artistic interests seriously because I was just too tired from working and stressing out about bills. Now I’m in my 30s with next to no social life and the realization that I’ve wasted away my time and whatever little talent I have. There’s a “regret” folder sitting in my Google Drive with two half-finished books…

Writing is one of those pursuits/passions that often doesn't really get going until later in life. Author Hilary Mantel, who just passed away at age 70, didn't publish her first novel until her mid 30s. Science Fiction author Gene Wolfe was a plant engineer (helping to design the machine used to make Pringles, incidentally) and later the editor of a technical magazine. He wrote short stories and novellas on the side starting in his 30s but wasn't able to start writing full time until his late 40s or 50s.
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