Ask HN: What's Your Biggest Regret?

I paid full tuition in my course to get some understanding of people.

Dad had some understanding, and Mom was really good at it, but neither tried very hard to teach me.

In particular:

[i] Boys and girls, men and women are very different.

(A) The cliche that boys pay attention to things and girls, to people is not fully true but significantly often is true.

(B) Once from a real expert I got a flat statement: "Of COURSE, women are MUCH more emotional than men. That is the cause of all the problems.". That answered a lot of questions!

(C) A large fraction of girls and women tend to be afraid -- the list is long with some standard items and some more. One of the more important things a boy/man can do is make it really clear to the female that they are at zero risk with him.

(D) Generally girls/women are exposed to some means of manipulation, and some of them get good at it -- boys/men need to watch out for that.

(E) Some girls are afraid of being in love (there is a lot to understanding love, and I can't cover all of it here) but, still, are very interested in sex. For them, holding hands can be more intimate than sexual intercourse. Boys/men need to realize that.

[ii] A surprisingly large fraction of people are in some significant ways seriously mixed up. So, watch out for that. Also have a list of common ways and watch out for those.

(2) Business

It took me way too long to understand the importance of business, even just small/medium business, as a path to being financially responsible and maybe even secure.

In particular, for a good job in the economy as an employee, there has to be up there somewhere some person(s) who did well enough in business to have created that job.

So, being an employee is limited by the jobs other people create. It is better to be the person who is successful enough in business to create good jobs.

E.g., at one time I had a relatively good career going as just an employee in computing. Then (A) I didn't appreciate how that career would have to change or how to make that career a lot better, e.g., by starting a business or being such a good employee that I could get stock in a growing company. (B) To be better qualified as an employee, I got a Ph.D. in pure/applied math. I didn't appreciate that in fact, in reality, in the US, a Ph.D. is intended for people who want to be devoted to an academic career and put up with being, in my view, financially irresponsible. I had zero interest in being a professor.

The academic work and my independent study are crucial parts of my startup, but the Ph.D. was a very inefficient way to get some help on some of the parts. I conclude that, generally, a Ph.D. is more trouble than it is worth and financially irresponsible. Learning can be important, but a Ph.D. is an inefficient way to do it.

(3) Stock

At one time the founder, CEO of FedEx told me

"You know, if you stay you are in line for $500,000 in FedEx stock."

I was holding a really good hand but didn't know enough to play it at all well.

I didn't stay.

My father understood even less than I did. Mom, didn't have a clue.

(4) Art

In high school and through college, the teaching kept trying to get me to pay attention to art, especially literature. I didn't see the value. And the lessons in literature were not very credible, that is, I could not trust that they would really be true, say, like Newton's Second Law.

For art, I like the definition --

"The communication, interpretation of human experience, emotion."

With that definition, okay -- via art can get some views of examples of the experiences, emotions of other people. Maybe sometimes the examples do illustrate something about a lot of people and not just some one.

With that definition, I might have paid a little more attention to literature and gotten a little value from it.

Being successful with people is CRUCIAL, and understanding their possible experiences, emotions can be important for the success.

For me and art, I liked music a lot right away, some before I was 5. Explaining just why took me a while!

(5) Jobs and Marriage

Apparently some of the prosperity of the US now is due to having a lot of women working.

A lot of career paths require moving frequently. But those moves can play havoc with a marriage having two jobs. And with only one job, it can be tough financially to buy a house and do well supporting the family.

Lesson: A career that does not require moving has a big advantage in being financially secure and doing well supporting a family.

So, if you want to pursue a career that has you move or be in some really expensive place to live, then consider delaying getting married.

(6) Gossip

In an office, and maybe in much of a life, gossip can be a threat.

In an office, if you do well, then others can feel threatened and attack you with gossip.

So, apparently it is not enough to assume you are innocent until proven guilty and instead need positively to assert innocence on likely gossip accusations.

I'm no expert on how to defend against gossip, finding a good expert could be important, but I'm sure that gossip commonly is a threat. So, watch out for gossip. If it appears you have been attacked by gossip, then (ask an expert) do defend yourself.

Eventually, got a Masters in Statistics. But I wish I could run this back and get those lost years.

I programmed from been a kid in the 80's, I truly loved it (still do) but I didn't start my full time career in programming til I was nearly 30 (I trained as an industrial electrician because I didn't think I was smart enough to be a software engineer - crippling self confidence issues and a horrific upbringing - ended up working minimum wage),

I shot up the ladder and in my early 40's I'm exactly where I would have been had I started at 21 - the later start and working different jobs in difference industries gave me a soft-skillset I wouldn't have otherwise gotten.

So while you are starting a few years after me its well within the realms of possibility if you get the right breaks.

Good Luck!.