Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Why are so many adults acting just like children?

aeon.co

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

81–90 of 140 posts

Re: Why are so many adults acting just like children?

#81

Post by AlexandrB »

jl6 wrote: post #40

> In 2020, a Pew study revealed that more than half of 18- to 29-year-old Americans were living with their parents. This is the part I think we all need to be talking about more. It’s a huge root cause of everything else the article discusses. I have come to understand adulthood as being centered on responsibilities, and adult behaviour as handling those responsibilities well. The transition to adulthood is the gradu…

I don't know if this is the root cause. I moved out at 18 and I still think I'm pretty childish compared to my parents now that I'm over 35.

Personally, I blame/credit the internet. Internet culture is perpetually stuck in the 16-25 range and I'm "terminally online".

However, I think it's also important to distinguish between a facade of seriousness and actual maturity. I know many older (boomer) adults who, while acting "adult", are manipulative, self-centered, or constantly stirring up drama. Basically, not able to manage their own emotional states. I'll take an emotionally balanced 40 year old cosplayer over that any day and would argue that the cosplayer is more mature despite outward appearances.

Re: Why are so many adults acting just like children?

#82

Post by mistermann »

the_other wrote: post #2

I gave up after a paragraph or two. It looked like it was going to moan about people trying to have fun and do some self care. I don’t have time for that. Over time, I’ve come to see many “senior” or “success” behaviours as refined versions of childhood ones. Political sniping, business competitiveness, standard hierarchical power dynamics, etc. These are all “playground tactics” but grown up. I don’t see (many) “suc…

> Over time, I’ve come to see many “senior” or “success” behaviours as refined versions of childhood ones. Political sniping, business competitiveness, standard hierarchical power dynamics, etc. These are all “playground tactics” but grown up. I don’t see (many) “successful” or “leader” type people publicly engaging in so called “adult behaviours” - supporting, sharing, collaborating, taking time out to understand one another’s needs, looking for win-wins.

It isn't very hard though to find plenty of people acting out those behaviors, both in their own behavior and in the perception/description of the behavior of their in-group members. Adults in 2022 can be conceptualized as being a lot like children "playing house", except we lack a physical frame of reference representing superior competence and wisdom to humble us, as adults provide for children.

Re: Why are so many adults acting just like children?

#83

Post by hotpotamus »

jononomo wrote: post #67

I've been noticing this for at least a decade now: people don't seem to grow up anymore. When I think of my grandfathers, who were born in 1898 and 1905, respectively, I remember serious men. They were good-humored, but they were adults and they carried their weight in the world. My father, born in 1935, also has that seriousness. It's hard to put a finger on exactly what it is that men under 70 lack now, but it is d…

This comment reminded me of the 1997 episode of The Simpsons, "Homer's Phobia", the adults thought the best way to ensure Bart would grow up to be a proper man was to send him off to war to kill someone, but lacking a war they go hunting so he can kill a deer instead.

Re: Why are so many adults acting just like children?

#84

Post by Micoloth »

the_other wrote: post #2

I gave up after a paragraph or two. It looked like it was going to moan about people trying to have fun and do some self care. I don’t have time for that. Over time, I’ve come to see many “senior” or “success” behaviours as refined versions of childhood ones. Political sniping, business competitiveness, standard hierarchical power dynamics, etc. These are all “playground tactics” but grown up. I don’t see (many) “suc…

I agree with everything you say about the article, except for the idea that aggressiveness (in all its form) has historically been considered more childish that collaboration.

I mean, the ability to go to war, together with being a father, has always been considered as the maximum level of adulthood for men, as far as I understand.

And to be clear, I’m not even say that latest generations are “less adult”, ie “less aggressive”, because they are somehow “better”.

In my view, this is a direct consequence of the fact that in the current society, aggressiveness is simply a less effective strategy, on average.

Civilization is too complex now, and there are simply too many people around, for aggressive war-like behaviour to be succesful. Even the most hypercompetitive youth today, say in startups or such, are usually extremely diplomatic persons, that are able to navigate people.

“We are all children” because there is simply no more room to be aggressive!

Re: Why are so many adults acting just like children?

#85

Post by hoseja »

trinsic2 wrote: post #79
hoseja wrote: post #61

Earlier quoted context omitted.

"using armies to take resources and businesses blocking others out of markets" is literally "evolving". Natural selection, baby. It's not pretty. Unipolarity isn't the only solution but it's the most apparent one, and also the most terrifyingly totalitarian one.

Yeah that's a grim way to look at the world. And there are many who are engaging in that mindset. There will come a time when taking from others because of the unwillingness to be a creative member of society is seen as a curable mental illness.

Yes, at about the same time the society will have finished taking all of agency from it's individual members, forming beautiful eusocial hivemind.

Re: Why are so many adults acting just like children?

#86

Post by mistermann »

lioeters wrote: post #15
qwerty456127 wrote: post #11

I don't even understand why do people become adult in the first place. Sure, your body changes and you begin to understand some more complex things you previously couldn't (and that's fun), but why change anything else? Why be boring and take bullshit seriously?

I believe it's because the children who manage society and business want their workers and citizens to take their bullshit seriously. So they shaped a false and convenient image of what it means to be an "adult", such as putting work above family and personal life.

> So they shaped a false and convenient image of what it means to be an "adult", such as putting work above family and personal life.

I think there are also substantial geopolitical forces in play. Consider the hippie movement in the 60s as an example: yes it's true that there was no shortage of silliness and plain dumb ideas, but there were also a lot of genuinely enlightened ideas. But letting those bloom and spread at that point in time (considering what was going on geopolitically) could have had genuinely disastrous results. But then at the same time, if it hadn't been snuffed out the very opposite could have also occurred, in which case we might now be living in a much better world than the one we ended up with.

Re: Why are so many adults acting just like children?

#87

Post by francisofascii »

keiferski wrote: post #64

I think this actually a serious issue and I’m disappointed that the comments are mostly defensive. If I had to pick two things that have led to adults acting like children, it would be: - the lack of any real “coming of age” ritual in Western culture. The closest we get is going to college, which has developed into something deliberately removed from adult reality - the slow removal of cultural rules that indicated a…

I largely agree with your sentiment. One small nit about wearing a suit, which is one cultural norm I am happy to dispose of except for weddings and funerals. I think is is possible to look neat and convey seriousness wearing an appropriate T-shirt and comfortable pants that fit properly, especially for day to day activities like going to work in 90 degree weather.

Re: Why are so many adults acting just like children?

#88

Post by mistermann »

jononomo wrote: post #72

One of the biggest childishness-in-adulthood trends I've noticed is people supporting Trump. I could see a fourth-grader falling for Trump's schtick, maybe even a seventh-grader, but beyond that age supporting Trump is just a sign that you have not matured.

I think it's worth considering whether there are numerous levels to this phenomenon, and that you yourself are on one of those levels (as we all are)...and perhaps not the highest one (of which there may be no such thing, in fact).

Re: Why are so many adults acting just like children?

#89

Post by rr888 »

jl6 wrote: post #40

> In 2020, a Pew study revealed that more than half of 18- to 29-year-old Americans were living with their parents. This is the part I think we all need to be talking about more. It’s a huge root cause of everything else the article discusses. I have come to understand adulthood as being centered on responsibilities, and adult behaviour as handling those responsibilities well. The transition to adulthood is the gradu…

I wonder too if increasing people going to college makes a difference to this. You dont earn money until you're 22, you have debt and geographically have to move a few times. If you graduate high school then get your first job you're much more "adult" at 18.

Re: Why are so many adults acting just like children?

#90

Post by JustSomeNobody »

jl6 wrote: post #40

> In 2020, a Pew study revealed that more than half of 18- to 29-year-old Americans were living with their parents. This is the part I think we all need to be talking about more. It’s a huge root cause of everything else the article discusses. I have come to understand adulthood as being centered on responsibilities, and adult behaviour as handling those responsibilities well. The transition to adulthood is the gradu…

I wonder how much of this came from what started in the 80s where people weren't allowed to lose. Everyone got a trophy. Everything had to be easy. People need to learn how to act in adversity and for a lot of people they didn't get to learn that. The "you're all winners because you participated" movement hurt a lot of people.
Post reply on HN