Why are so many adults acting just like children? • Hacker News Board

Re: Why are so many adults acting just like children?

#51

Post by sbaiddn » Fri, Sep 30, 2022, 12:36 PM UTC

orblivion wrote: post #16

the_other wrote: post #2

I gave up after a paragraph or two. It looked like it was going to moan about people trying to have fun and do some self care. I don’t have time for that. Over time, I’ve come to see many “senior” or “success” behaviours as refined versions of childhood ones. Political sniping, business competitiveness, standard hierarchical power dynamics, etc. These are all “playground tactics” but grown up. I don’t see (many) “suc…

Axe throwing, IPAs, cosplay outfits? Learn to play golf and drink scotch in your smoking jacket like an adult .

The only creative thing left in IPA brewing is figuring out a marijuana reference that hasn't been done yet.

Re: Why are so many adults acting just like children?

#52

Post by 7952 » Fri, Sep 30, 2022, 12:41 PM UTC

qwerty456127 wrote: post #11

I don't even understand why do people become adult in the first place. Sure, your body changes and you begin to understand some more complex things you previously couldn't (and that's fun), but why change anything else? Why be boring and take bullshit seriously?

When you are a child your concept of adultness is heavily based on dignity. Grownup have dignity and kids do not (to varying degree). As people grow up they try and maximise personal dignity. The irony is that letting go of dignity is necessary for many of the most important parts of adulthood. Think about dating, having kids, romance, sex, or even starting a new job. Not always dignified but necessary.

Re: Why are so many adults acting just like children?

#53

Post by sbaiddn » Fri, Sep 30, 2022, 12:41 PM UTC

couchand wrote: post #38

orblivion wrote: post #16

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Axe throwing, IPAs, cosplay outfits? Learn to play golf and drink scotch in your smoking jacket like an adult .

You're telling me kids won't chase a tiny ball around a yard or convince each other to consume things that are gross?

You said it, they're kids!

If you can't man up and drink something gross without grimacing, or have the self control to play the most frustrating game in history, you don't have the self-mastery to be near the lever of power.

Re: Why are so many adults acting just like children?

#54

Post by insightcheck » Fri, Sep 30, 2022, 12:42 PM UTC

lioeters wrote: post #15

qwerty456127 wrote: post #11

I don't even understand why do people become adult in the first place. Sure, your body changes and you begin to understand some more complex things you previously couldn't (and that's fun), but why change anything else? Why be boring and take bullshit seriously?

I believe it's because the children who manage society and business want their workers and citizens to take their bullshit seriously. So they shaped a false and convenient image of what it means to be an "adult", such as putting work above family and personal life.

Yes, it's because of incentives. In dating, it's seen as a big negative to be a "manchild" or be dating a manchild; in less inflammatory terms, being seen as immature is seen as negative in the dating world. This is actually quite fair: it's natural for someone in a relationship to prefer a responsible person with self-control (e.g. holds a good job, cleans up, and is financially responsible).

A person can take being an "adult" too far, however. They can say that anything that doesn't help you earn money is a waste of time, that anything creative is also a waste of time, and chase status and money. Maybe many of these people got burned at some point for being childish (e.g. they were criticized by a manager or partner and made to feel shame), which explains the behavior.

It depends on your goals, but a nice moderate view is to discard with the labels, and aim to be responsible and have self-control, while also being curious and open to creative pursuits. It's also great to enjoy whatever media you like without caring about what others think (whether it's obscure or mainstream).

Re: Why are so many adults acting just like children?

#55

Post by BlargMcLarg » Fri, Sep 30, 2022, 12:43 PM UTC

leeroyjenkins11 wrote: post #37

qwerty456127 wrote: post #11

I don't even understand why do people become adult in the first place. Sure, your body changes and you begin to understand some more complex things you previously couldn't (and that's fun), but why change anything else? Why be boring and take bullshit seriously?

Because the world has not always been this way. The infantilization out teens and young adults, with the lack of purpose and call to become an adult with responsibility took us here. Basically, people have capital and no responsibility so they spend money on toys, be it car, game systems, or figurines from their favorite anime. One has to wonder, in 20 years, with this lack of meaning and responsibility lead to regre…

>They have capital

They don't have enough perceived capital to start a family, hence why so many give up and spend it.

And in several countries, saving was a net negative on one's ability to purchase a home unless you lived immensely frugal. For several years, potentially still ongoing.

Re: Why are so many adults acting just like children?

#56

Post by insightcheck » Fri, Sep 30, 2022, 12:45 PM UTC

7952 wrote: post #52

qwerty456127 wrote: post #11

I don't even understand why do people become adult in the first place. Sure, your body changes and you begin to understand some more complex things you previously couldn't (and that's fun), but why change anything else? Why be boring and take bullshit seriously?

When you are a child your concept of adultness is heavily based on dignity. Grownup have dignity and kids do not (to varying degree). As people grow up they try and maximise personal dignity. The irony is that letting go of dignity is necessary for many of the most important parts of adulthood. Think about dating, having kids, romance, sex, or even starting a new job. Not always dignified but necessary.

That is a fascinating perspective, which makes sense. I would add that the concept of adultness is also related to seeing a person who is the "adult in the room" regardless of age. In specific, when a situation had a lot of risk and uncertainty, there is a person who can stay calm, likely positive, and always have a plan of what to do to respond.

I read that growing up means finding yourself in circumstances where there are often no other "adults in the room," but you can step up and take the responsibility to manage any uncertainty.

Re: Why are so many adults acting just like children?

#57

Post by JKCalhoun » Fri, Sep 30, 2022, 12:46 PM UTC

jiggywiggy wrote: post #46

It depends on what we want from our adults. And if we feel like we can demand some sort of contribution. We got to a point where we can get away with the majority of our population being self-centered and living, at least part of their time, in a fantasy world as en escape from getting their life in order. As the article claims it can be "nourishing", but nourishing for what. If you need parents, builders, engineers,…

I think I am growing tired of the entertainment industry seemingly solely catering to the fantasy world though.

I've stopped going to see movies since the Superhero Wave began — which means for like the past decade or more. I have to go back to earlier eras in film to find what I would call "adult" films (at the risk of enraging a number of people).

Hey, I love LEGO, like building plastic models of space ships, all of that. But I like some vegetables in my diet as well.

Re: Why are so many adults acting just like children?

#58

Post by chongli » Fri, Sep 30, 2022, 12:47 PM UTC

sbaiddn wrote: post #51

orblivion wrote: post #16

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Axe throwing, IPAs, cosplay outfits? Learn to play golf and drink scotch in your smoking jacket like an adult .

The only creative thing left in IPA brewing is figuring out a marijuana reference that hasn't been done yet.

The real creativity in IPAs is in the different cultivars of hops. That is to say, the real work of making a delicious beverage is done by the plants and the people who grow them tend to be the experts. But this is no different to wine or coffee, two other classes of beverage with endless varieties and variations of characteristics.

Just try to ignore the social pretences of the group. All three beverage communities have their extremists who can be quite annoying. But on the other end of the spectrum you’ll find some warm, down-to-earth people who just want to have fun exploring different flavours and textures. That’s really all there is to it!

Re: Why are so many adults acting just like children?

#59

Post by spaceman_2020 » Fri, Sep 30, 2022, 12:48 PM UTC

I have all the paraphernalia of adulthood - a mortgage, a car, a career, a wife, a child (and hopefully more on the way) - but I have none of the mindset, attitude, or even the body language “adults” used to have. Or at least adults from my father’s generation.

I do improv on the weekends. Sometimes I produce music. Edgy, electronic stuff. I like to dance and do strange, funny gestures and voices with my kid. Its a riot when my nephews and nieces are over.

I like to dress up in bright, colorful clothes. I work from home and see no point in even pretending to look serious. Lately, I’ve grown my hair out and even had a failed attempt at a proper long rip van winkle beard.

Maybe this isn’t what adults are supposed to act like. This is certainly not what my dad acted like when he was my age.

But who the hell cares?

Re: Why are so many adults acting just like children?

#60

Post by smeej » Fri, Sep 30, 2022, 12:48 PM UTC

qwerty456127 wrote: post #11

I don't even understand why do people become adult in the first place. Sure, your body changes and you begin to understand some more complex things you previously couldn't (and that's fun), but why change anything else? Why be boring and take bullshit seriously?

Because adults have the perspective of being able to see long-term consequences for their actions in a way that children do not.

Ice cream and pizza taste better than salad. If you let them, children will always pick them. Adults know that doing that all the time will actually make them sick and miserable, so they start making choices that are less pleasant in the immediate term because they want to optimize value for the long-term.

Sure, some things are bullshit even in the long-term, but most of the things that seem "boring," like doing the laundry and paying the taxes and making the meal plans, are actually ordered toward optimizing happiness on a much larger scale than children have the life experience to see.