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Ask HN: How to be less opinionated?

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Re: Ask HN: How to be less opinionated?

#61

Post by greenthrow »

Really truly internalize the fact that you can be and sometimes are wrong when you are certain you are right. Internalizing this knowledge helps take the edge off being so opinionated.

Another thing is to realize that it is often much better for everyone if you can help other people come to the same realization(s) as you on their own rather than just persuading them to acquiesce. So when you have a disagreement, ask questions. Open ended ones, not leading ones, that address what you think are the problems with whatever they are proposing.

Re: Ask HN: How to be less opinionated?

#62

Post by takanori »

Listen. If you really listen to peoples opinion you’ll see the truth in their conviction after a certain point. I will often stay silent while listening other than confirming words to indicate I’m listening for uncomfortably long. People break awkward silence by continuing to talk. They longer they go on, the stronger or weaker their opinion point of view becomes.

Reflect. Revisit opinions you or others had in the past now. Are they still true. In my experience most opinions from the past end up being misguided. On this reflection I’m more skeptical while listening.

Write. Writing is thinking. Don’t start a newsletter or blog. Buy a cheap notebook and pen and write daily. That’s how you develop opinions.

Re: Ask HN: How to be less opinionated?

#64

Post by cardanome »

Chestertone's fence

> In the matter of reforming things, as distinct from deforming them, there is one plain and simple principle; a principle which will probably be called a paradox. There exists in such a case a certain institution or law; let us say, for the sake of simplicity, a fence or gate erected across a road. The more modern type of reformer goes gaily up to it and says, 'I don't see the use of this; let us clear it away.' To which the more intelligent type of reformer will do well to answer: 'If you don't see the use of it, I certainly won't let you clear it away. Go away and think. Then, when you can come back and tell me that you do see the use of it, I may allow you to destroy it.'

Applying it more broadly, we have a tendency to reject things we don't understand. But isn't rejecting something you don't understand just plain ignorance?

So the next time someone has a opinion you disagree with, ask yourself why this person has the opinion. It is easy to say they are stupid and ignorant and that might be true but are you sure? Might there not be good reasons for their position?

If you show a willingness to understand the opposing side, people will be more open to you and your ideas and working together will go more smoothly. Your own opinions will not rest on ignorance but on well qualified arguments.

Re: Ask HN: How to be less opinionated?

#65

Post by thenerdhead »

Ancient wisdom says that we have two ears and one mouth to listen more than we speak.

It's perfectly fine to have an opinion, but in my 10 years of startup/big tech experience is that those expressing these strong ideas and opinions don't tend to share the stage nor listen to others. Sometimes their ego gets in the way of always wanting to be "right" or "first". Getting rid of that is a whole different question itself.

Re: Ask HN: How to be less opinionated?

#67

Post by orwin »

I don't think this is useful to be opinionated, as long as you are able to debate in good faith. Here i mean asking genuine questions, trying not to strawman much opposite views but still be able to reformulate them for yourself, and follow good debate etiquette.

Re: Ask HN: How to be less opinionated?

#69

Post by cranium »

If you ask it means having strong opinions came back to bite you and you don't want it to happen again. Keep this situation in mind, it's an excellent starting point to understand how you could react differently.

In most cases, strong opinions are only problematic if there is miscommunication around. You may have good reasons behind your opinion, but you need to make your case to the other people. They don't live in your head or share your knowledge. Explaining is the most difficult part: you have to put yourself in the shoes of the other person. What's their background, what do they know about the problem, where does their opinion come from,... It's essentially an endless list but the better you understand the other person, the better you will communicate. Never attack the person or be condescending, you are the teacher and they are the student.

... So, that was the case where you were right, but you will be wrong sometimes and you have to know. It's also a communication problem: you need to find the information you were missing when you made up your opinion. If someone comes to you and says "we have a new project coming, it's on an embedded chip and we'll do it in Python". You may want to reply that Python is slow and we should do it in Rust otherwise there's no point of even doing it on embedded. And you'd be right for certain cases, but this project was meant be as an introduction to robotic for children. Without all the info, you reach the wrong conclusion. Here, you have two choices to not be perceived as an asshat: seek the information/explanation first "oh Python on embedded, is there a particular reason (for not using Rust/C)?" or admit you were wrong right away "yeah, teaching children about ownership models seems like a stretch..." (if you're not in the mood for jokes: "ok, makes sense"). Do this and people won't blame you for having strong opinions.

If you are just holding strongly to your opinions without explanation, all the other person will hear is "I won't listen to you", "I don't want to change" and/or "I want to win". And I'm sure that's now how you want to appear.

Another poster talked about "Strong opinions, loosely held." and that's pretty much the summary of my rant.

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