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Save them for when they really matter. I have opinions about pretty much everything, but quite often nobody needs or wants to hear about them. So I try to say little, abut have strong conviction when I do. That way I find people stop and listen. If I have an opinion which is not strong, I'll get involve din the discussion, but more passively. But yeah, strong expression of strong opinions is saved for when it really…
Earlier quoted context omitted.
I think it is a fair question. The older I get I see the less opinionated I get. The opinions get replaced with curiosity as I become old. The reason I am getting less opinionated is that as years go by I come across contradictions to strong opinions I held before which weakens the fervor with which I held those opinions. So I don't think that being less opinionated is lowering my standards. I think richness of life…
Do you eat less healthy food? Or hang out with more dangerous friends? Or spend time doing more wasteful activities? Or do you have an inward peace which makes going on about such things impractical and irrelevant? I hear what you’re saying, and I agree that restlessly over sharing is counter productive, though I also notice that society tries to suppress the standards of others in some attempt for bland conformity.…
- Are you willing to change your opinion given new information or convincing arguments? If not, you may have a trait that emphasizes rigidity. Searching around "rigid thinking" or "cognitive flexibility" terms might get you somewhere useful. Ultimately, it's something that CBT and DBT therapists focus on in therapy. They help you see opposite views of the same thing, and when you start to recognize that there are n valid perspectives on most situations. https://albertellis.org/2016/01/rigid-thinking-and-rational-... A purposeful therapy series (3-12 sessions) around some of your most conflicting issues can be an amazing investment.
- Are you expressing your opinions in times and places where others don't feel it's appropriate? This is a filter issue. Executive function, which can be impaired by disorder, distraction, and drink, is the part of your brain that help you control when you blurt things out. There are lots of different approaches to fixing different causes executive impairment, but the goal is the same for all cases: teach yourself to say less. Learning to listen is a big part of that, but active listening is expensive. If you feel like you NEED to say something but its not an appropriate time or setting to do so, try intentional breathing instead. It works really well in my experience when I remember to do it.
- Are your opinions wrong? Read more and listen more before you share.
- Are you hanging out with the right people? Probably not. If you're trying to make yourself less opinionated, you might be surrounded with people that just can't keep up with you. It's REALLY OKAY to express strong opinions about stuff with people who fundamentally accept and value you. And it's really great if someone else has a strong opinion, opposing opinion and you can debate the truth with them enthusiastically. There are people out there that are safe to be your self and share your whole self with, it's just a matter of finding them and building trust together.
Being less opinionated doesn’t sound all that great to me. Your opinion is the sum of your experience filtered by an idea. This distillation is the basis for your thought process.
Opinions seem to work in an almost bayesian sense: you have some opinion A and upon learning B you update your priors.
I’ve gone from basically shouting “you’re wrong” at people when I was younger to now I will listen to pretty much anyone’s seemingly wild opinion on anything. My curiosity has shifted towards learning why people believe certain things, seeing if they came to that conclusion rationally, and seeing if there’s anything I missed on the topic. You typically form new ideas even by hearing bad ones from other people. Seems to jog the creative part of your brain where we as humans are wired to be social and collaborate.
By understanding how other people think about things, it gives me a heat check on my own takes. It helps me form a clearer understanding of what motivates that person and where our irreconcilable differences lie.
Tl;dr have opinions on stuff, but most hills aren’t worth dying on. Listen to others and develop yourself and your thought process accordingly.
This came after some contentious discussion with my product counterparts. (I'm a software engineer, but have thoughts on product design).
Discussions, sometimes even arguments, are a great way to explore the idea-space and try to find the best solution. However, once there is a decision, everyone needs to accept and internalize it.
Even when I disagree about what we conclude, if the consensus goes one way, I'll follow. I suppose if this happens enough, maybe it's time to find a new team that shares your views. (And note, I'm sure there are areas of security/privacy/etc. that maybe this shouldn't apply)
Practice listening over hearing. Prioritize curiosity for its own sake.
In terms of 1:1 communication: If dialogue is a venn diagram, strongly opinionated people can sometimes look for opportunities of intersection and commonality to bring things back into their sphere of control. Communication can become territorial in that way, with opinions acting as a kind of currency that gets used to buy influence. Try to be aware of where you’re at, spatially, on this diagram. Try to be aware of what your intentions are in a given moment. If you lead with listening and curiosity, you’ll quickly find yourself spending a lot more time in the other person’s sphere.
- How do I know this?
- What is the basis on which I form my opinion?
- What facts that I can demonstrate independently are available to be presented?
- What are the counter-points to my position and what facts support them?
- What would disprove my position? (If it's not disprovable, then very likely it's pure opinion without a substantial backing)
- Are there any other feasible conclusions for the same item? Why do you consider them or why don't you consider them?
Basically you need to challenge your own biases. Why do you think the things you think? How did you reach that conclusion and is there evidence that leads to alternate conclusions?
Once you understand that there might be more answers or you have incomplete information, recognize it as such. You don't need to surrender your opinion entirely, but present it as opinion and explain how you got there. Acknowledge there are other possible interpretations, and explain why you find yours favorable. You should be able to do this for yourself, and when you're practiced at it, you can do the same with others. Suddenly, you're not highly opinionated, you're a lot more thoughtful and you approach items that require some interpretation/opinion with a lot more thoughtfulness and research.
It seems like a lot at first, but it's a skill that needs practice. I used to be very opinionated also without even realizing it (more I was arrogant, IMO, as I was used to being right). Then in University I lived with an incredibly scientific minded guy who was direct and questioning to a fault. It rubbed me the wrong way at first, but then I realized _I was the one who was forcing an opinion_, all he was doing was asking questions.
Very quickly, I became quite practiced at checking my biases and understanding and framed my statements and opinions a lot differently. I'm not afraid to have an opinion (I do so quite often), but it's far easier for me to bring someone up to speed on how I got there, and I'm much more receptive to alternative understandings I maybe didn't consider.
Convince yourself that you win, not when you are "right" and prove someone "wrong", but when you learn something new. Rewire your brain. Seek first to understand, only then to be understood. If you feel you need to "say something to that", instead "write an email to yourself instead saying what you want to say" (and then ask: does this need to be said? does it need to be said by me? does it need to be said now?). Cherish the viewpoints of others as interesting aspects of the world. Distinguish between the view and "the truth" (whatever that may be), by using language deliberately: "I get that you see it that way", "I understand that's how you feel about it". Always keep in mind there can be multiple valid perspectives, at the same time, about the same thing, and their differences do not make any "wrong".
Finally...try some "awareness" experiments on yourself: your question and my answer, reminded me about this "awareness exercise" where you go into a large public art gallery, and walk around for an hour, but never ever look at any works of art. You only look at the empty walls, the space between them. It's interesting. You could see it as a way to get some space between a "compulsion" (of looking) and "you" (being deliberate). I think you can apply a similar thing to opinions: walk into a space (online or not) where there are lots of strong opinions you disagree with and practice not responding. Don't engage. What is that experience like for you? Explore that and similar things...push to some extent against the bounds of what is discomfort and unfamiliar for you.
Thank you!!!!! :P :) xx ;p I think it's a noble quest what you're doing.
Paul Graham wrote a great essay that's related to this: keep your identity small http://www.paulgraham.com/identity.html
Not too familiar with this paul graham person but I've read a few really good essays from him. What would you say are his top ones?
There's a pretty straightforward exercise you can try - spend a day pretending to be a true believer in something you just fundamentally don't understand or find truly ridiculous (not going to give examples because I may offend!). Start with the assumption that if you were born into a different circumstance you could have actually been this person. Avoid using stereotyping "I believe in X because I'm an idiot". Try it with a few different outlooks, taking smaller steps at first. Read a few blogs, if available, chat with a stranger who believes and see what makes them tick. Regardless of what your edgelord teenage self may have thought, people aren't stupid, they have reasons for believing things. But start with the belief/opinion and work backwards to justify it. Work yourself up to directly oppose your own opinions that you've found others disagree with, and try to falsify them.
In all likelihood this exercise won't change your own opinions, but you'll have a better understanding of WHY they are correct, and why others might think differently, and you'll be better able to convince people of your point of view if you understand what others see as leaks in your opinion.