For me, the breakthrough was getting a thermostat controlled soldering iron. Suddenly I could make perfect joints every time.
I have one, but I don’t know what temperature to set it to and there are probably other flaws in my technique, so it’s still trial and error.
Once I switched to Kester solder, I had a much better more consistent experience. My hypothesis is that cheaper solder doesn't have the flux as evenly distributed, so you get spans of solder with too little flux and then everything gets worse, then you hit a good patch and it gets better.