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Ask HN: Activity and reading to move through mid-life crisis?

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Re: Ask HN: Activity and reading to move through mid-life crisis?

#71

Post by markus_zhang »

RHSman2 wrote: post #36

Spend more time with that ‘baby son’ and put more curiosity into him than General Relativity because on that thing lies more answers than you can possibly imagine.

Thanks. I began to spend more time with him since he reached 18m and started to talk a bit. I still struggle to treat it less as "work" instead of something more natural but I guess it will come along eventually.

It's just I have so many things in my mind that I'm struggling to sacrifice any of them right now. I probably need to reassess and get rid a lot of them firmly from my mind. It's tough but I'm already working on it.

Re: Ask HN: Activity and reading to move through mid-life crisis?

#72

Post by markus_zhang »

rramadass wrote: post #50

There has been lots of studies done on Mid-Life Crisis ; assuming it is Real it seems to involve Genetic, Biological, Psychological and Social factors. So you have to consider each one in turn, interpret it in your specific context and then take action. Here are some resources that you may find helpful: 1) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Midlife_crisis 2) https://www.nature.com/articles/s42003-021-02206-x 3) https://ww…

Thanks, I like your comments a lot and have been following around a few months ago. I also like your recommendation of the nihilism books.

I think I simply have so many things in my mind that I'm always in a rush and always easily irritated. I'm definitely overestimating my ability since my childhood but simply do not know how to scale down probably, even that I know this and have already scaled down dramatically. This combined with the new burden definitely spell my doom.

Re: Ask HN: Activity and reading to move through mid-life crisis?

#73

Post by zivkovicp »

markus_zhang wrote: post #69
zivkovicp wrote: post #60

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I was going to leave a harsh comment hoping that the "tough love" sort of approach might help to get you thinking straight but I've decided against it since we don't know each other and everyone's situation is different. I'll just say that you need to "man up". Life is not always fun/nice/enjoyable/easy/etc. and sometimes you just have to realize that your responsibilities are more important than your feelings; espec…

Thanks. No hard feeling TBH. Actually my wife told me to man-up a few times and I know that I have always been a big kid all my life. It's just difficult to get rid of that personality and move into a new one.

> I know that I have always been a big kid all my life

Same.

You don't have to become a different person, just get yourself through the rut, don't do something you know you'll regret. This is just a passing phase.

I’m rooting for you :)

Re: Ask HN: Activity and reading to move through mid-life crisis?

#74

Post by simple10 »

badpun wrote: post #59
simple10 wrote: post #7

I've been going through it as well. There are a few things that helped me so far. 1) There's a biological component where happiness follows a U curve. Mid 40's tends to bottom out on happiness then steadily increases. Useful to know since riding it out is a viable strategy. [1] 2) This translation [2] of Marcus Aurelius's Meditations is powerful as a daily reminder that no matter the year or station in life, the stru…

> 1) There's a biological component where happiness follows a U curve. Mid 40's tends to bottom out on happiness then steadily increases. Useful to know since riding it out is a viable strategy. [1] I'm not sure it's biological. I suspect it's because that's when people's lives tend to suck the most - they have all the demands of career and family, with very litle room for themselves. It would be good to study people…

Good point. I'm not sure if there are studies that truly isolate it as biological, but there are many biological changes that start to occur that correlate with decreased happiness. For instance, testosterone tends to decline after 40.

Re: Ask HN: Activity and reading to move through mid-life crisis?

#75

Post by RHSman2 »

markus_zhang wrote: post #71
RHSman2 wrote: post #36

Spend more time with that ‘baby son’ and put more curiosity into him than General Relativity because on that thing lies more answers than you can possibly imagine.

Thanks. I began to spend more time with him since he reached 18m and started to talk a bit. I still struggle to treat it less as "work" instead of something more natural but I guess it will come along eventually. It's just I have so many things in my mind that I'm struggling to sacrifice any of them right now. I probably need to reassess and get rid a lot of them firmly from my mind. It's tough but I'm already workin…

I’m not gonna offer a stranger advice as I have no idea but as a 45 father of two boys (both have ADHD and one with dyslexia) I know that it is work. The bizarre thing about parenting is that the return on investment are heavily delayed. Yes, pleasure in every single activity can be achieved but it’s a mindset change. And nothing more dramatic than parenting.

I also speak to you as a normally neurodiverse person but perhaps you have difficulty in making connection with you baby son which is outside of your control? When my children were born I feel very deeply into a love hole and have stayed there. All other dads I know feel the same so perhaps you might need to look a little harder at that?

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