Ask HN: I love to be alone. But this loneliness is killing me • Hacker News Board

Re: Ask HN: I love to be alone. But this loneliness is killing me

#121

Post by pixxel » Sat, Sep 24, 2022, 11:12 AM UTC

mod wrote: post #107

Hi. I'm 39. I feel the same way. Whenever I plan for activities, I plan to do them alone. Even my equipment reflects that. I bought a kayak instead of a boat. I took the foot pegs off my motorcycle, which I ride alone. I'm thinking of building a small cabin to live in. I go on poker trips alone. I moved to Costa Rica alone. I did remote work with no pairing. I don't feel too lonely, but I do occasionally. It comes in…

> I don't feel too lonely, but I do occasionally. It comes in waves. Don't get me wrong, though, I get out to a lot of events. I spend the majority of my days totally alone with my dog

Dogs are a true gift. Loyal loving souls to share your life with. Plus the daily routines are super important (exercise, play etc.) to both animals and humans.

Re: Ask HN: I love to be alone. But this loneliness is killing me

#122

Post by endofreach » Sat, Sep 24, 2022, 12:38 PM UTC

I am grateful for every single one of your comments, every thought you have spent on this, is appreciated. I will have to take some time to go through all of them. Many things i have read, already describe my daily practice. Some, i have tried already and didn‘t find as helpful and some tips seem really seem to be promising. I will go through all of them in slow pace, might comment or just use it to reflect and write down my thoughts to myself.

So, please don‘t think your effort was worthless in case it takes a long time for me to respond. It was really helpful, even if in some cases i feel that i am already further along in my journey. It might just be my arrogance or ignorance. I will use it to reflect and question myself.

So: thank you. All of you might have just saved a life. Not that i was suicidal, but still…

Thank you.

Re: Ask HN: I love to be alone. But this loneliness is killing me

#123

Post by skinney6 » Sat, Sep 24, 2022, 1:53 PM UTC

We all live in our own world of the mind. Everything is subjective. What traps us is our fear of uncomfortable feelings. You don't need to run from or reject these feelings though. Try being open and accepting. Explore your own conditioning and feelings. It can't hurt you but if you 100% accept your feelings you are free. When you feel something uncomfortable try just sitting as still, quiet and relaxed and just let it happen. See if you can find what it is about it that is bad or should be rejected. I think you'll find that it's not inherently bad it's just a different feelings. But, if you don't run from your feelings and you accept them the thoughts and feelings that brought them up become irrelevant because, after all, this is 100% subjective. Nothing "matters". Nothings is "important". You don't "need" anything. Our conditioning tells us we need things and the uncomfortable feelings enforce that believe. Free yourself by doing ... nothing. Just accept it as it is :)

Re: Ask HN: I love to be alone. But this loneliness is killing me

#124

Post by mdrzn » Tue, Sep 27, 2022, 11:24 AM UTC

coward20222023 wrote: post #24

akeck wrote: post #6

It might take a few attempts, but I would try to find a good therapist and work with them to figure out this state-of-being and how you can change or augment it in a way that both meets your desire to spend time alone and to resolve your loneliness. For example, maybe you need to find a specific type of life partner who also needs lots of time alone (e.g. an artist with a studio). Then you could potentially continue…

Short of a therapist, OP could also checkout out HealthyGamer community - Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/c/HealthyGamerGG - Discord: https://www.healthygamer.gg/community edit. I don't use twitch but their 1st video rn (they make their way chopped up to youtube) is literally titled "are you a 25 year old loner?"-- https://www.twitch.tv/healthygamer_gg

+1 for HealthyGamerGG's YT channel. Might seems like a "generic self help" channel, but Dr K. is really putting the work in to listen and help his audience, mostly young gamers.