31–40 of 124 posts
For me, what helps a lot is some sort of habitual or scheduled interaction. Like a weekly thing. That way the decision making process isn't, "do I feel like setting something up with someone else" but just going.
Meanwhile, as others have said, spend time with a competent therapist. You may need to shop around until you find someone that works well for you. They will guide you on how to socialize and form new relationships.
You might have what’s called avoidant personality disorder.
There’s a subreddit if you’re interesting in learning more: https://reddit.com/r/avpd
One common theme which you alluded to in your post is the feeling of loneliness but also enjoying being alone.
Avoidants crave social interactions but also engage in avoidant behaviour. For example, someone invites you to a party and you decline but you actually really want to go (and might fantasise all night about being there and have pretend conversations in your head).
Again, this is not a medical diagnosis but hopefully can help you search some more and help figure out some stuff about yourself.
Good luck!
It might take a few attempts, but I would try to find a good therapist and work with them to figure out this state-of-being and how you can change or augment it in a way that both meets your desire to spend time alone and to resolve your loneliness. For example, maybe you need to find a specific type of life partner who also needs lots of time alone (e.g. an artist with a studio). Then you could potentially continue…
Short of a therapist, OP could also checkout out HealthyGamer community - Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/c/HealthyGamerGG - Discord: https://www.healthygamer.gg/community edit. I don't use twitch but their 1st video rn (they make their way chopped up to youtube) is literally titled "are you a 25 year old loner?"-- https://www.twitch.tv/healthygamer_gg
> I truly can not handle it anymore…
You don't really say what "it" is. What is it about being alone that you can't handle?
I think if you could try to put into words the bad feelings being alone is causing you, you might have a better handle on where to go.
You mention "saudade". Wikipedia explains it like this:
> Saudade is a deep emotional state of nostalgic or profound melancholic longing for something or someone that one cares for, or loves. Moreover, it often carries a repressed knowledge that the object of longing might never be had again.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saudade
It seems that's a world view locked on the rear-view mirror. It doesn't seem to track with your first paragraph or title, which is about seeking solitude but not being at ease with it. Did you at one time spend more time around other people?
> How do you deal with it?
Wanting to spend a lot (even most) time alone is perfectly ok. There's a wide range of needs for being with other people. If the discord is due to external perceptions, then disregard them. But if there's something else to it, say self-destructive tendencies, you may need someone to talk about it with with.
I've found "theories of personality" textbooks to be delightful in expanding repertoire to describe feelings better. One of note I found is An Introduction to Theories of Personality by Robert B Ewen.
I found it to be beginner friendly and showcase a variety of competing theories in a very objective and proportional way, without pushing a conclusion onto the reader, it just laid out their strengths and let me make up my mind.
If you're open to reading I have more resources on personality theories.
It would be near impossible for me to meet such people in day to day life. As I found what I’m looking for in books I no longer try to elicit thoughtful engagement from those around me, much to the relief of all involved.
The way out is to pursue the unfamiliar.