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Ask HN: Activity and reading to move through mid-life crisis?

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Re: Ask HN: Activity and reading to move through mid-life crisis?

#61

Post by afpx »

prometheus76 wrote: post #5

I grew up as a Mormon and became disillusioned with that as I got older and got exposed to Eastern religions. Over time, I also became disillusioned with Eastern religions because they are ultimately nihilistic. I found Eastern Orthodoxy, which is the perfect marriage between Christianity and mysticism. My whole life has been healed as a result of becoming (and continuing to struggle to be) an Orthodox Christian. My…

A few years ago, I read The New Testament - a translation by David Bentley Hart (an Orthodox scholar). It’s more of an academic literal translation. I read it mainly just to educate myself. I was raised in a strict “no religion” family, and I’d already explored Zen and Buddhism. So, I figured, why not educate myself in this religion that surrounds me and affects me so directly.

Well, a lot of it is what you’d expect, unfortunately. But, if you get rid of 90% of it, and focus strictly on Jesus’s Laws, I believe he represents fundamental truths.

“Love God above all else, all the time” - I find this to mean live in the present, love each moment, put love into each motion and effort. Love yourself. And,

“Love others as you love yourself” - The covenants that you make with others, the promises that you keep are the purpose of life. Treat others with compassion. Be yourself. Relish in your unique existence.

It’s really unfortunate that Jesus was eclipsed by Paul, Timothy, others.

Well, I never actually got to “belief in a higher power” (I really wanted to experience that Human concept). But, I did become a believer in Jesus’s Laws, and I still try to practice them.

Re: Ask HN: Activity and reading to move through mid-life crisis?

#63

Post by kirso »

ROTMetro wrote: post #17

Failed my family in midlife, lost them all, lost everything. Here are my thoughts. Find gratitude. Find humility. Give up ego. Shut down that voice that says 'but I deserve....'. You live better than almost all of humanity ever has. The King of France had a guy with a bucket follow him around and he would crap into it in public. You live better than the King of France. Find a way to make that enough, more than enough…

This is very powerful and wholesome. Thank you!

Re: Ask HN: Activity and reading to move through mid-life crisis?

#64

Post by [deleted] »

muzani wrote: post #27
ROTMetro wrote: post #17

Failed my family in midlife, lost them all, lost everything. Here are my thoughts. Find gratitude. Find humility. Give up ego. Shut down that voice that says 'but I deserve....'. You live better than almost all of humanity ever has. The King of France had a guy with a bucket follow him around and he would crap into it in public. You live better than the King of France. Find a way to make that enough, more than enough…

"at some point, you will pick up your child for the last time, then set them down and not in the moment realize that you will never pick them up again" I pick up my kids all the time because of this. My wife thinks I'm spoiling them, but there's a very limited period of picking them up. Even the span of time where they're interested in you is limited. They have a fascination with their parents in the first few months…

[deleted]

Re: Ask HN: Activity and reading to move through mid-life crisis?

#65

Post by enviclash »

neon_electro wrote: post #45
muzani wrote: post #27

Earlier quoted context omitted.

"at some point, you will pick up your child for the last time, then set them down and not in the moment realize that you will never pick them up again" I pick up my kids all the time because of this. My wife thinks I'm spoiling them, but there's a very limited period of picking them up. Even the span of time where they're interested in you is limited. They have a fascination with their parents in the first few months…

I empathize with your point of view as far as I am a 30 year old son of a 78 year old father, and I have committed to living close to him (my mother passed 6 years ago) so that he can enjoy as many moments with me as possible before it's his time as well. I'll have the rest of my life without him to go wherever life wants to take me.

This is beautiful to read for any father, what do you think was crucial to build a beautiful relation like yours?

Re: Ask HN: Activity and reading to move through mid-life crisis?

#66

Post by enviclash »

markus_zhang wrote: post #54
ROTMetro wrote: post #17

Failed my family in midlife, lost them all, lost everything. Here are my thoughts. Find gratitude. Find humility. Give up ego. Shut down that voice that says 'but I deserve....'. You live better than almost all of humanity ever has. The King of France had a guy with a bucket follow him around and he would crap into it in public. You live better than the King of France. Find a way to make that enough, more than enough…

Man I read and I feel I want to turn my face away from it. But I know your words ring true in my heart and that's probably why I never feel comfortable for long even as I threw bone after bone to myself. TBH I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm kinda split and need time to think it through. Looks like it's either A or B because of limited energy.

Take a very long cold shower and your survival Instinct will tell you what to do.

Re: Ask HN: Activity and reading to move through mid-life crisis?

#67

Post by fellowniusmonk »

vitorbaptistaa wrote: post #52
fellowniusmonk wrote: post #10

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's interesting, I had a similar experience (except I started as a non-conforming protestant) but actually bypassed eastern thought (I had already looked into it when I was younger and came to the joking conclusion it was atheism with more steps) and eastern orthodox (knew tons of people who grew up evangelical and got into eastern orthodox in college.) I just dove into the meaninglessness and realized if you really…

Your comment reminded me of the Optimistic Nihilism video by Kurzegesagt [1]. I highly recommend it, as they explain these concepts very well in a short 6min video. [1] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MBRqu0YOH14

I appreciate that video but after watching it I'm definitely not an optimistic nihilist as described in the video, I think while the video does caveat a lot of it's statements and I do overall agree with its sentiment it's too definitive and confident in certain areas.

"Existential hope" is definitely my position, no confidence, certainty or belief in nihilism required, just inject even more uncertainty and the nihilism goes away as well.

It means that in contrast to the video summing up its point by saying "do what you want and bonus points for helping others", I say that discovering and investigating and progressing is actually an imperative task.

I think the divide may be that I neither presume or reject as default materialism as the final truth, the video doesn't explicitly either but it does frame things in a way that I never would and it's conclusions for a meaningful life are also a narrower subset of my position in some areas and broader in others.

My possibly false impression based on the video is that optimistic nihilism takes for granted that materialism is a starting assumption.

I think while materialism is our current empirical observation I don't know if that will hold up long term as the underlying nature of reality.

Existential hope works equally well for those who lean or suspect that this underlying nature is deist, theist, atheist, materialist, metaphysical or dualist.

Re: Ask HN: Activity and reading to move through mid-life crisis?

#68

Post by ROTMetro »

markus_zhang wrote: post #54
ROTMetro wrote: post #17

Failed my family in midlife, lost them all, lost everything. Here are my thoughts. Find gratitude. Find humility. Give up ego. Shut down that voice that says 'but I deserve....'. You live better than almost all of humanity ever has. The King of France had a guy with a bucket follow him around and he would crap into it in public. You live better than the King of France. Find a way to make that enough, more than enough…

Man I read and I feel I want to turn my face away from it. But I know your words ring true in my heart and that's probably why I never feel comfortable for long even as I threw bone after bone to myself. TBH I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm kinda split and need time to think it through. Looks like it's either A or B because of limited energy.

I don't know your situation enough to add much. I can only talk to myself. Walking away is forever. When you are sick and alone. When you want to share memories about the restaurant you used to go to. About so many shared moments. Divorce is called one of the small deaths for a reason. It is a death, of everything that was, and of all future hopes and dreams that existed in that relationship. Forever gone. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WRcaSIMxfYg

What you feel EVERYONE does. Realize this isn't unique to your situation, or that some other 'ideal' situation you dream about will be any different. You aren't going to feel 100% happy with your situation, ever. It's ok to buy a lottery ticket and fantasize about some unrealistic perfect life. It's probably not OK to quit putting in time and your job because your lottery fantasy seems better/easier.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-mlfefNP8cw

https://www.theatlantic.com/sexes/archive/2012/12/the-truth-...

Re: Ask HN: Activity and reading to move through mid-life crisis?

#69

Post by markus_zhang »

zivkovicp wrote: post #60
markus_zhang wrote: post #54

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Man I read and I feel I want to turn my face away from it. But I know your words ring true in my heart and that's probably why I never feel comfortable for long even as I threw bone after bone to myself. TBH I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm kinda split and need time to think it through. Looks like it's either A or B because of limited energy.

I was going to leave a harsh comment hoping that the "tough love" sort of approach might help to get you thinking straight but I've decided against it since we don't know each other and everyone's situation is different. I'll just say that you need to "man up". Life is not always fun/nice/enjoyable/easy/etc. and sometimes you just have to realize that your responsibilities are more important than your feelings; espec…

Thanks. No hard feeling TBH. Actually my wife told me to man-up a few times and I know that I have always been a big kid all my life.

It's just difficult to get rid of that personality and move into a new one.

Re: Ask HN: Activity and reading to move through mid-life crisis?

#70

Post by markus_zhang »

ROTMetro wrote: post #68
markus_zhang wrote: post #54

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Man I read and I feel I want to turn my face away from it. But I know your words ring true in my heart and that's probably why I never feel comfortable for long even as I threw bone after bone to myself. TBH I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm kinda split and need time to think it through. Looks like it's either A or B because of limited energy.

I don't know your situation enough to add much. I can only talk to myself. Walking away is forever. When you are sick and alone. When you want to share memories about the restaurant you used to go to. About so many shared moments. Divorce is called one of the small deaths for a reason. It is a death, of everything that was, and of all future hopes and dreams that existed in that relationship. Forever gone. https://ww…

Thanks. I did think about quitting a few times but realized it was mostly frustration of other things that bring about that. It's a hell lot easier for me to blame the family than blaming myself when I failed to achieve something I wanted.
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