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Ask HN: Activity and reading to move through mid-life crisis?

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Re: Ask HN: Activity and reading to move through mid-life crisis?

#11

Post by markus_zhang »

prometheus76 wrote: post #5

I grew up as a Mormon and became disillusioned with that as I got older and got exposed to Eastern religions. Over time, I also became disillusioned with Eastern religions because they are ultimately nihilistic. I found Eastern Orthodoxy, which is the perfect marriage between Christianity and mysticism. My whole life has been healed as a result of becoming (and continuing to struggle to be) an Orthodox Christian. My…

Thanks for sharing your experience . I'm not a religious person (although I do enjoy reading Apocalypses) but I hope the peace you found retain forever.

Re: Ask HN: Activity and reading to move through mid-life crisis?

#12

Post by prometheus76 »

fellowniusmonk wrote: post #10
prometheus76 wrote: post #5

I grew up as a Mormon and became disillusioned with that as I got older and got exposed to Eastern religions. Over time, I also became disillusioned with Eastern religions because they are ultimately nihilistic. I found Eastern Orthodoxy, which is the perfect marriage between Christianity and mysticism. My whole life has been healed as a result of becoming (and continuing to struggle to be) an Orthodox Christian. My…

It's interesting, I had a similar experience (except I started as a non-conforming protestant) but actually bypassed eastern thought (I had already looked into it when I was younger and came to the joking conclusion it was atheism with more steps) and eastern orthodox (knew tons of people who grew up evangelical and got into eastern orthodox in college.) I just dove into the meaninglessness and realized if you really…

If everything matters, then every decision and every moment has weight and also matters. The "existential hope" you are talking about sounds just like "do what thou wilt" or the new, more modern adaptation of that phrase "do what you want as long as it doesn't harm anyone else". That first phrase is an Anton Lavey quote (a satanist) and the second is a nonsensical libertarian version of the same premise. "Do what thou wilt" is still nihilism. That viewpoint completely ignores that we are part of a community and that our actions affect those around us. It's also a poor foundation for trying to understand the world because it is still a relativistic worldview, which I have found to be very disastrous for individuals and for societies as a whole.

There's a book called Nihilism by Seraphim Rose that does a much better job of laying out and explaining the problems with nihilism (whether the "despairing" version or the "hopeful" or "liberal" version).

Re: Ask HN: Activity and reading to move through mid-life crisis?

#13

Post by prometheus76 »

markus_zhang wrote: post #11
prometheus76 wrote: post #5

I grew up as a Mormon and became disillusioned with that as I got older and got exposed to Eastern religions. Over time, I also became disillusioned with Eastern religions because they are ultimately nihilistic. I found Eastern Orthodoxy, which is the perfect marriage between Christianity and mysticism. My whole life has been healed as a result of becoming (and continuing to struggle to be) an Orthodox Christian. My…

Thanks for sharing your experience . I'm not a religious person (although I do enjoy reading Apocalypses) but I hope the peace you found retain forever.

I wasn't either, but it's the answer to staring meaninglessness in the face in your mid-life.

Re: Ask HN: Activity and reading to move through mid-life crisis?

#14

Post by markus_zhang »

simple10 wrote: post #7

I've been going through it as well. There are a few things that helped me so far. 1) There's a biological component where happiness follows a U curve. Mid 40's tends to bottom out on happiness then steadily increases. Useful to know since riding it out is a viable strategy. [1] 2) This translation [2] of Marcus Aurelius's Meditations is powerful as a daily reminder that no matter the year or station in life, the stru…

Thanks!

1) Yeah I'm aware of the U curve. Kind of funny that I throw me a bone from time to time to keep myself having better expectation of future life down the road (Let's see if we can study General Relativity in the future -- Yes I know you are unhappy right now and does not have the will power to do any serious study, but maybe in a few years you will);

2) I have seen the Meditations gets mentioned a few times on HN. I'll definitely buy a copy and read during night. I wonder if I have the vocabulary to listen to the audiobook (not a native English speaker) but maybe I can find one in my mother tongue;

3) I heard about hypnotherapy from X-Files many years ago. I'm a bit scared about seeking its help because I don't know what I'm going to say during the session, could be scary. But I'll read the book first.

Anyway thanks for the help! I hope your journey ends well and fruitful.

Re: Ask HN: Activity and reading to move through mid-life crisis?

#15

Post by codpiece »

I found listening to the audiobook version of Viktor Frankel's 'Man's search for meaning' was very helpful. Funnily enough, I have read the book but got more out of the audiobook.

I know you don't want to hear more fitness, but weightlifting made a huge impact on my outlook. Try 'Starting Strength'. Getting strong makes all the little aches and pains go away and you hit new, easily-measured goals.

Finally, visiting the deathbeds of family made me realize that the only thing you carry at the end of your life is the love that you've fostered. Seeing the world through that lens truly changed me.

Re: Ask HN: Activity and reading to move through mid-life crisis?

#16

Post by jmfldn »

prometheus76 wrote: post #5

I grew up as a Mormon and became disillusioned with that as I got older and got exposed to Eastern religions. Over time, I also became disillusioned with Eastern religions because they are ultimately nihilistic. I found Eastern Orthodoxy, which is the perfect marriage between Christianity and mysticism. My whole life has been healed as a result of becoming (and continuing to struggle to be) an Orthodox Christian. My…

I’m glad you found peace, and I am quite intrigued by Orthodox Christianity myself, but your characterisation of “eastern” religions as nihilistic is problematic for two reasons.

First, “eastern”. That encompasses a vast array of cultures and traditions so it’s a bit of a meaningless label. Buddhist, Taoist, Hindu, Jain, Sikh (etc) and the deep diversity within all of them. Are they all the same? Some are theistic, others pantheistic or more complex still. Non-theistic? Very different is my point and within all of these there is a a deep wealth of expressions and diversity.

Secondly, nihilistic. This means, “rejecting all religious and moral principles in the belief that life is meaningless”. Even if you take Buddhism, a religion where god is not really part of it, and thus most open to this misunderstanding, do Buddhists eschew moral principles and say life is meaningless? Not at all. Buddhism is deeply moral at its core and has a deep vision of the good, true and transcendent.

Re: Ask HN: Activity and reading to move through mid-life crisis?

#17

Post by ROTMetro »

Failed my family in midlife, lost them all, lost everything. Here are my thoughts.

Find gratitude. Find humility. Give up ego. Shut down that voice that says 'but I deserve....'. You live better than almost all of humanity ever has. The King of France had a guy with a bucket follow him around and he would crap into it in public. You live better than the King of France. Find a way to make that enough, more than enough, to be something to be grateful for. Appreciate the gift that is your life every day. Try to not have resentment.

Impact the world through raising your child a little better than your parents did, and try to instill them raising their children a little better than you. That has true meaning, not knowledge in your head that will be lost when you are dust.

Go to any local public flower gardens and enjoy the beauty. It is as mind blowing a gift from the Universe as the principles underlying physics. And you can share the beauty of nature with your family and young child with much less effort.

Accept that NOTHING will be enough. Not understanding deep theories, not a Porsche Speedster. Not the vacations with family. Not academic praise, or 1% level riches. Turn your focus from those things you are trying to fill a hole with, and figure out why the hole is there and it's cause. You wouldn't just start putting dirt in a sync hole without understanding the cause.

Find a place where hopefully you are loved, but at the very least find a place within you to understand that you, as a person, are very much worthy of being loved.

As someone who failed the midlife crisis thing, I always go back to moments with family for strength, never to moments of 'ah ha' about some great programming algorithm or when I was in class and learned of some great discovery. General Relativity exists whether you study it or not, but those moments between Markus and those in his family that CHOSE HIM as their family, and CHOOSE to keep him family every day, those are very, very finite, and those others are choosing to GIVE their finite moments to be with YOU.

If you can not give those around you what they need, don't be a coward and wait until you fail them. Leave them now, stop stealing their finite time and energy. If that is the case, choose to be a failure, but not a failure and a thief :(

If you chose not to leave, then understand YOU CHOOSE this situation. No resentments in your head, this is your choice. You can choose to leave, but not to resent. Physical bodies change. Children come before our wants. Choose it, or leave. Don't pretend, don't steal the days of other's lives, and lie through omission.

You are halfway done with the period of time in which you can give and receive hugs. Some stupid Reddit that made me cry pointed out, at some point, you will pick up your child for the last time, then set them down and not in the moment realize that you will never pick them up again :( Make every time you pick your child up count. It is a special, finite thing, along with every other moment you have as the consciousness known as markus_zhang on HN.

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