Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

On eating out alone

tiramisu.bearblog.dev

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

21–30 of 103 posts

Re: On eating out alone

#21

Post by VyseofArcadia »

jalino23 wrote: post #16

lol I'm single and I do this all the time, eat alone and watch movies alone, etc and I thought that was normal until I keep hearing people like this who's embarrassed to feel to do those things alone and thinks people who at alone are lonely. now I feel a little insecure eating alone cause I now know what people think about it. sigh I wish I didnt know

Don't think about "people". Think about individuals. Any person judging you for eating out alone isn't worth your time anyway. How petty do you have to be to sit there and judge someone for that?

Re: On eating out alone

#22

Post by c7DJTLrn »

happytoexplain wrote: post #17
c7DJTLrn wrote: post #5

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yeah. If the author is afraid of appearing lonely, one of the most liberating things to realise is that nobody really gives a shit about you. At most, people will glance and exchange a few words upon noticing you before moving on to some other topic. For everyone else you're just part of the background of their life. Everyone is too busy thinking about their own insecurities and experience to think about you, general…

>At most, people will glance and exchange a few words upon noticing you It's a surprise to me seeing this offered as a comfort, since I think it would be slightly mortifying to most people in the subset you're addressing.

Yes but the key words are "at most". In my country at least, that is extremely unlikely to happen. You wouldn't necessarily even know if they did say something pertaining to you.

Re: On eating out alone

#23

Post by miked85 »

trevorishere wrote: post #6

Eating out alone really hurts. It makes you feel that much more _alone_ because nearly everyone else is with their SO, a party, friend, etc. Bringing a phone is only a distraction to get through waiting for the meal to arrive. I dislike it more than being alone at home.

Is being alone at home really a bad thing?

Re: On eating out alone

#24

Post by jakzurr »

trevorishere wrote: post #6

Eating out alone really hurts. It makes you feel that much more _alone_ because nearly everyone else is with their SO, a party, friend, etc. Bringing a phone is only a distraction to get through waiting for the meal to arrive. I dislike it more than being alone at home.

Wow, I had forgotten! Used to feel that way before I had SO. Even after breaking up, it just didn't matter after that.

Thanks for the memory. Also, I'd have to say, you'll probably feel much more comfortable in time. But I admit, I don't go anywhere without a few books on my phone - just in case. ;)

Re: On eating out alone

#25

Post by bombcar »

happytoexplain wrote: post #8
browningstreet wrote: post #2

This person thinks very hard about eating, and being alone while eating. It can also be as simple as eating, seated in a restaurant, by yourself. Why make it more complicated or ritual-worthy than that? This is also one of those things were the "pressures" are self-created. People in restaurants certainly aren't shocked if you go in there by yourself. I wonder if they've discovered the joys of going to movie theaters…

This is a little like saying "just do it". It's not really pragmatic. Many humans feel uncomfortable being "exposed" in various ways, and one of those ways is being conspicuous in public. I enjoy going to the theater alone, but you're sitting in the dark among people in a continuous sea of seats, not grouped into tables. In a restaurant, it feels conspicuous to be eating alone, even though I have the experience of be…

Some restaurants really feel like they’re designed for date nite and I guess I could see feeling out of place.

But bars and diners are often “working” food and so you’ll see people alone all the time.

Re: On eating out alone

#26

Post by ev1 »

One of the most annoying things to me is not being allowed to dine alone, lonely or not. Many korean bbq restaurants explicitly require 2 or more people to permit you to dine in, which is annoying as fuck.

Re: On eating out alone

#27

Post by bombcar »

gmueckl wrote: post #20

This reminds me of a story about a restaurant seating single guests with cute stuffed animals to counter loneliness: https://firstwefeast.com/eat/2014/04/anti-forever-alone-cafe...

This would send my anxiety skyrocketing to be honest.

Would rather just have them clear the second place - which makes me wonder if the difference is tables that are set before you seat vs tables that are empty before you sit down.

Re: On eating out alone

#28

Post by mynameishere »

jakey_bakey wrote: post #11
trevorishere wrote: post #6

Eating out alone really hurts. It makes you feel that much more _alone_ because nearly everyone else is with their SO, a party, friend, etc. Bringing a phone is only a distraction to get through waiting for the meal to arrive. I dislike it more than being alone at home.

It's interesting the disparity in our experiences. I absolutely relish the chance to have an hour entirely to myself, get a nice meal without cleaning up after, have a beer or two, watch Netflix! I also used to be a consultant, so there's that...

You watch Netflix in a restaurant?

Re: On eating out alone

#29

Post by jxf »

browningstreet wrote: post #2

This person thinks very hard about eating, and being alone while eating. It can also be as simple as eating, seated in a restaurant, by yourself. Why make it more complicated or ritual-worthy than that? This is also one of those things were the "pressures" are self-created. People in restaurants certainly aren't shocked if you go in there by yourself. I wonder if they've discovered the joys of going to movie theaters…

The author addresses this in the first sentence:

> When I went to college I discovered that I harbored a serious aversion to eating alone in public.

So the answer to this remark:

> It can also be as simple as eating, seated in a restaurant, by yourself. Why make it more complicated or ritual-worthy than that?

is that "because it's not simple for them".

Re: On eating out alone

#30

Post by bombcar »

devin wrote: post #9

Before the pandemic, I used to go out alone on purpose just to meet random people. (I'm married.) I know this isn't for everyone, but I got good at it and I enjoy(ed) it. I've noticed however, that this is a skill that can atrophy. It's taken me a little while to get back to my old self in public places.

If you want the best of this eat in the dining car on Amtrak. You will be sat with three others because they can’t have empty seats.
Post reply on HN