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Ask HN: Which parental action increased your happiness and success as an adult?

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21–30 of 41 posts

Re: Ask HN: Which parental action increased your happiness and success as an adult?

#21
Teaching me how to read from an early age. When I was for, I asked my mom to teach me how to read and by the age of five I was already reading.

I have not been formally educated in many things that I know nowadays (the english language is one of them, albeit far from perfect), but knowing how to read from an early age helped me enjoying the activity and knowing how to find information independently.

Re: Ask HN: Which parental action increased your happiness and success as an adult?

#22

This one is probably very different than many people experienced, but I credit these things for being in the top 1% of earnings for my American co-hort (starting race, gender, educational attainment and economic class.) My parents were theologians and both grew up as missionaries kids in incredibly dangerous, remote, environments, the best thing they did was teach us to think critically and parse communication (espec…

Religious indoctrination was a negative in my experience, and contradictory to the critical thinking and skepticism taught of everything not blessed by the approved authorities.

It sounds like OPs parents were actually philosophers (logicians!) at heart, and happened to have religion as field of study. I know that this is in theology in theory, but in practice theology is a field often studied by the priest-class. I've not caught the theologian in our family ever showing any of the process of critical thinking. The main place to study theology in my country is reply rooted in protestantism and has as main output pastors and vicars.

OPs parents sound much more interesting than this :)

Re: Ask HN: Which parental action increased your happiness and success as an adult?

#23
post #13
post #7

I'm not sure there was any one thing. I will say there was a big negative - teaching that society is a meritocracy and to have integrity. I would be much more successful and happy if they told me how crooked society really is.

Society is not a pure meritocracy, but I think it’s more merit-based than random. And people have agency over their success. This is despite society having crooked elements.

The "one percent" that matters most is very much not about ability. Merit is just another thing that that class buys.

Re: Ask HN: Which parental action increased your happiness and success as an adult?

#24
There was a time when we were facing daily blackouts. I was less than 10 yo. All families would come out in their respective courtyard during such times.

During one such instance, some people came to our neighbour's house. (Later I learnt they belonged to the coal mafia. And those guys had come to threaten him. In a very gentlemanly mafia style. With guns and all.) We were sitting on our stairs, counting stars and constellations (another one of my father's pastimes those days that got me interested in astronomy) and had a vantage of height to observe the whole thing. My father, for some reason, thought of indulging me. He took me on his lap and told me that when people converse, words don't matter. What matters is their intention. So it's very important to read between the lines. And to factor in the context and their role in it. He went on to explain the various intricacies of that conversation to drive his point.

That day, I lost my innocence.

Re: Ask HN: Which parental action increased your happiness and success as an adult?

#25
My parents gave me freedom, far more than I needed or wanted. Growing up I learned that so many kids are burdened with meddling, planning parents who use offspring as a projection screen. I'm really glad my parents never pushed me to do anything, except maybe instilling the value of education (but it cost me no effort to go to university, so pushing it very much was not, never did a second of homework).

As consequence, I usually that what I feel like, but have no urge to do things because I can; off course I can do them, but I'll do those things I want to do, not because they are (extravagant?) options.

Re: Ask HN: Which parental action increased your happiness and success as an adult?

#26

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Religious indoctrination was a negative in my experience, and contradictory to the critical thinking and skepticism taught of everything not blessed by the approved authorities.

Strong agree, big part of why I'm not involved with any theist _anything_ anymore, it was a unique experience and my parents were unique people, some of the few people I've met who really valued systematic thinking, arguing from first principles and were raised in a very plural cultural environment. Not many 5-15 year olds get age appropriate training in cultural bias and taught to see that so much people tie to thei…

Can you talk a bit more about the reasons for your deconversion? I'm always fascinated by these stories and it seems like yours includes an interesting elemnt of your parents supplying you with the tools to think critically about what you believe and why.

Re: Ask HN: Which parental action increased your happiness and success as an adult?

#27
I incessantly question and doubt everything as part of having lots of anxiety and depression. Reading these responses makes me wonder if the parents would say the same thing, disagree, or possibly say something else.

As for a specific decision, my mother tells me it was encouraging me to befriend a supervisor who all of my other coworkers hated. This was at a sushi bar. The guy had an inflated ego, put other staff members down, got on everyone's case, and held grudges. So mother tells me I should just do everything the guy wants, and as months go by, there is no one on the team who the supervisor trusts more than me. Even though my performance was average, I was his favorite employee. It got to the point where I was fixing his computer, invited to his home, and doing his math homework for him (he was in culinary school). When I finally moved on to another job, he begged me to stay. Years later he was super friendly to me once when we randomly encountered each other. I think the moral of the whole thing was to not quit just because someone with authority over you has a crap personality.

Re: Ask HN: Which parental action increased your happiness and success as an adult?

#30

This one is probably very different than many people experienced, but I credit these things for being in the top 1% of earnings for my American co-hort (starting race, gender, educational attainment and economic class.) My parents were theologians and both grew up as missionaries kids in incredibly dangerous, remote, environments, the best thing they did was teach us to think critically and parse communication (espec…

Parse complex ideas sounds intriguing. Do you have a blog or any writing where it explains the process in more details? Thanks
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