I definitely agree with the advice to seek therapy for the inevitable relationship issues over coaching. Coaches definitely will help the individual but the experience is typically so one sided that it can often result in making tensions worse. A co-founder leaving can cause a lot of trauma to organization that is impossible once one leaves. I'm sure founders think the main impact is individual but let's be honest, it affects the entire staff. So yeah, co-founder tension needs to be treated like a marriage for the benefit of the co-founders and especially the benefit of the employees.
Couples therapy for startup co-founders
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Re: Couples therapy for startup co-founders
#22I definitely agree with the advice to seek therapy for the inevitable relationship issues over coaching. Coaches definitely will help the individual but the experience is typically so one sided that it can often result in making tensions worse. A co-founder leaving can cause a lot of trauma to organization that is impossible once one leaves. I'm sure founders think the main impact is individual but let's be honest, i…
It's worse than a marriage. At least in a marriage you can get divorced.
Re: Couples therapy for startup co-founders
#23I think actual romantic couples therapy when one person is a founder and the other isn’t is the bigger need :)
Re: Couples therapy for startup co-founders
#24I definitely agree with the advice to seek therapy for the inevitable relationship issues over coaching. Coaches definitely will help the individual but the experience is typically so one sided that it can often result in making tensions worse. A co-founder leaving can cause a lot of trauma to organization that is impossible once one leaves. I'm sure founders think the main impact is individual but let's be honest, i…
On the other hand I think it's important for leaving to be normalized and accepted as an option.
In my previous startup there were an increasing number of irreconcilable differences between me and my then-cofounder's style of working, management, and doing business, and though we had tried a lot I don't think me being egged on by everyone in the system to stay in the company while depressed about it was helpful.
The reality is cofounders can leave (legally) and we already have a perfectly good structure (vesting schedule) to deal with such decisions fairly, we just need to normalize it actually happening when it needs to happen.
Re: Couples therapy for startup co-founders
#25Earlier quoted context omitted.
If you need therapy with your partner, cut your losses and move on.
You're thinking in extremes... There are many people who could benefit from therapy, mediated conversation, or dispute resolution.
I read that comment as a sarcastic take on it's parent, not a continuation of the sentiment.
FWIW, I think therapy is awesome and should be embraced by more people. Probably a good thing for founders to have their own version of it. Renowned therapist Esther Perel has (had?) a podcast called How's Work? where she mediated conversations with business partners.
Re: Couples therapy for startup co-founders
#26Earlier quoted context omitted.
It’s a sign of deeper problems if you can’t communicate with your (work) partner well enough to avoid these issues. Your job isn’t a marriage and the analogy falls flat. If you’re having enough communicative difficulties that you’re considering failure, then you’re already enough in the shit that one or both of you need to move on.
And when your startup encounters business issues, do you just cut your losses and pick the next idea? Of course not. You work through problems when there's value on the other side of the problem, and communications problems are just one class of problems that may crop up in an otherwise highly valuable relationship. You hire people to help you solve other issues you don't have the experience to solve, don't you? The…
There will always be business issues. Those you solve. But if you’re spending your time on founder conflicts instead of the business, your business will fail. Even if you work it out in therapy, your competitors will have gotten ahead of you.
Re: Couples therapy for startup co-founders
#27Earlier quoted context omitted.
If you think therapy should be reserved for dire, nigh unfixable problems, then maybe. But you can also use therapy as a regular part of life for fixing problems big and small.
It’s a sign of deeper problems if you can’t communicate with your (work) partner well enough to avoid these issues. Your job isn’t a marriage and the analogy falls flat. If you’re having enough communicative difficulties that you’re considering failure, then you’re already enough in the shit that one or both of you need to move on.
> It’s a sign of deeper problems
That's right - and how do you think you should go about approaching those issues?
Re: Couples therapy for startup co-founders
#28I definitely agree with the advice to seek therapy for the inevitable relationship issues over coaching. Coaches definitely will help the individual but the experience is typically so one sided that it can often result in making tensions worse. A co-founder leaving can cause a lot of trauma to organization that is impossible once one leaves. I'm sure founders think the main impact is individual but let's be honest, i…
It's worse than a marriage. At least in a marriage you can get divorced.
You can separate from business relationship too. IME it's less messy than divorce.
Re: Couples therapy for startup co-founders
#29Earlier quoted context omitted.
It’s a sign of deeper problems if you can’t communicate with your (work) partner well enough to avoid these issues. Your job isn’t a marriage and the analogy falls flat. If you’re having enough communicative difficulties that you’re considering failure, then you’re already enough in the shit that one or both of you need to move on.
> It’s a sign of deeper problems That's right - and how do you think you should go about approaching those issues?
By finding a business partner you are compatible with. Don't bring your whole business down in a drawn-out founder conflict. Someone gotta go.
Re: Couples therapy for startup co-founders
#30We could compare starting a business to getting married and come up with one big difference:
Any decent lawyer will draft your business partnership agreement to provide for one partner wanting or needing to move on. That doesn't mean it'll be painless or cost-free, but at least there should be financial details in there.
In marriage, a lot of couples think a pre-nuptial is anti-romantic.