In twenty years you could very well wish that you spent your current years doing something other than wasting your time on computer science (or not). Take some time now to do some serious introspection and meditation and figure out what is really worthwhile.
Ask HN: How can I come to peace with the years I wasted on pointless things?
161–170 of 277 posts
Re: Ask HN: How can I come to peace with the years I wasted on pointless things?
#162OP, I have been programming since I was a kid. I was fortunate to grow up in a time before social media took over and internet was still for weird people. Viewed externally I wasted a lot of time on the internet. I played a LOT of video games, which was my primary impetus for learning to program. I wanted to build trainers and tools someday because I looked up to the crews who were so popular when I was young. I got…
> "I ended up graduating at 25 with a degree in computer science years behind everyone else. For a long time I regretted this because everyone I worked for was far younger than me (18-22). I then wasted several years in graduate school, which I didn't finish because it wasn't my thing, and then wasted several more years drinking at bars for no reason other than boredom. I regretted everything for a long time wondering who I'd be if I was a social person, better in high school, did more things, was more popular, etc. I still have these regrets."
Honestly, you've done a really great job to make it to graduation at 25 by persevering. For many people, it's really not easy to stay as an undergraduate at an older age (it's much easier to drop out), then still make it to graduation.
Then you got into graduate school, at the same time as taking longer to graduate. That kind of experience gives a lot of non-traditional students hope.
Even the time spent drinking at bars is just time spent normally to many. It's a natural response to take time off, after working for so long as you've written. It's a great thing that you persevered and made it to graduation.
Re: Ask HN: How can I come to peace with the years I wasted on pointless things?
#163To me your younger life sounds a lot more fun. But that is me. I'm sure for some kids writing hours of code or doing hours of math or hours of reading was more fun. I was much like you and did more than just fine in life (in terms of material wealth). Like someone pointed out, ultimately everything is pointless. Just have fun in whatever you do.
Re: Ask HN: How can I come to peace with the years I wasted on pointless things?
#164I really don't think you appreciate how much time is still ahead of you. If you start now to do the things you want to do, you will be just fine. Even ahead because for lots of people it takes much longer to figure out what they want. Also, don't compare yourself to people on the internet. Even if they are based and humble, you'll never see what they have going on internally, how gifted and rare they are. Etc.
Re: Ask HN: How can I come to peace with the years I wasted on pointless things?
#165You come to peace with it by recognizing how it made you what you have become today. It comes from developing a keen sense of self and requires curiosity, not regret.
Also, don't be hard on yourself. Nothing good comes from it. And, as many comments on the thread have already pointed out, you have your entire life ahead of you, so look forward to all the amazing things you will come to do from _today_.
Re: Ask HN: How can I come to peace with the years I wasted on pointless things?
#166"The best time to start was yesterday. The next best time is now."
Re: Ask HN: How can I come to peace with the years I wasted on pointless things?
#167I no longer really play games, but I once played a lot. More than I care to admit.
One day I became interested in game development itself, and started reading about the psychology of why we play video games. I became fascinated by a book called "Glued to Games"[1], which looked at the question through the lens of self-determination theory. It suggested that we play games to satisfy our basic human needs for autonomy, competence, and relatedness. As I read the book, it suddenly became clear to me why I spent so many years of my life playing video games; I wasn't getting those needs satisfied anywhere else. Where would I have turned for that same fulfillment if I didn't have video games? Perhaps nowhere. In that way, games saved me. They kept me alive.
[1] https://www.amazon.com/Glued-Games-Video-Spellbound-Directio...
Re: Ask HN: How can I come to peace with the years I wasted on pointless things?
#168Everything you do is ultimately pointless. You feel that becoming a particular type of engineer you aspire to is meaningful, but once you get there you’ll realize you’re still yourself and you didn’t ascend to some higher level of being. Probably the most meaningful thing we can do is through social interactions. Your time in WoW must have incorporated social interactions. Be proud of those experiences - they’re in n…
You feel that becoming a particular type of engineer you aspire to is meaningful, but once you get there you’ll realize you’re still yourself and you didn’t ascend to some higher level of being. This viewpoint sounds to me like it’s coming from someone who is depressed. I’ve had a long career with a lot of accomplishments and I wouldn’t trade any of it for anything. Yeah someday the sun will consume the inner planets…
Hard disagree, I am not depressed at all and side with the parent comment's perspective. Everything is pointless. This also doesn't invalidate your enjoyment of your career and other accomplishments. They're good things [for you and those you touched], yet still ultimately pointless, merely tangential randomness to everyone outside of your little bubble.
The Earth is a tiny, insignificant blue dot in the vastness of space which is the Universe. It appears to be rare but there is no evidence it is important or otherwise significant. It's eventual demise (in a very long time) is the likely outcome, just like what we observe with other planetary bodies.
Re: Ask HN: How can I come to peace with the years I wasted on pointless things?
#169I guess the first thing to note is that in a hundred and fifty years, you'll be dead and unless you're one in a million or maybe ten million, nobody alive will know you existed. So it's not a competition, there's no prize ceremony at the end for the guy who did the most stuff, there's no one way you should be living your life. The second thing is, the past is dead and gone. You can't do anything about it. You can lea…
> Carmack and Romero spent all their spare time writing code because that's what they loved to do. If that's what you loved to do, you'd have been doing the same thing.
The problem is when you love programming, but your day job is programming and it begins to suck all the joy out of it, such that you can no longer enjoy doing in your free time anymore. It's not as cut and dried as "if you loved to do it, that's what you would do".
Re: Ask HN: How can I come to peace with the years I wasted on pointless things?
#170I see 2 paths to forgiving yourself. You can either use a valid reason that proves your gaming experience was truly valuable (maybe even more important than staring at OS and driver docs for 20 years), which means you stop beating yourself up -- after all, you did the "right" thing! Or you just make a conscious choice to let go and forgive yourself -- sort of like if a close friend or relative hurt you deeply in some way, and there's no way they can make it up to you, but you chose to forgive them and bury the hatchet anyway. The latter is not fair, but it's not reasonable to expect fairness in everything.
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Similar boat as you. I had no close friends growing up and all I did was go to school, play video games, watch gaming channels on YT, eat, and sleep. I spent little time with family. All I ever wanted as a kid was to shun the world, eat junk and be in front of a pc/console forever.
Today, I work as a programmer. I have some close friends from college. I am feeling the gaming drive go away, not 100% sure why. But my gaming experience doesn't quite apply as well to my everyday experiences as it used to. It helps me to just make peace with myself even though I didn't "optimize" that part of my life. I'm still happy and tremendously lucky. (oh yeah, that's another thing -- it might help to be grateful you didn't end up on the street, working shitty jobs, not smart enough to be in tech, dealing with terrible health conditions etc. Life could always be so much worse.)