Ask HN: How can I come to peace with the years I wasted on pointless things?

When I was your age, I also worried along the same lines. As you get older though you realize it doesn't really matter.

You are still very young, no matter how much you may think otherwise. There is still an incredible amount of time ahead of you which can be put to any use you so desire.

Just spend the time you have wisely, don't worry about it when you do not, and above all else have fun. All of us only get one go on this ride.

It's very relatable for many to feel that one's time was wasted online, but wanting to change, especially for people who find forums like Hacker News. The interesting thing is that the solutions to changing one's situation can also be found online (or preferably, a starting point of the solution that leads to real-life resources).

It's a double-edged sword in that sense: on the one hand, one can unintentionally spend a lot of time online, but on the other, browsing has given me the ideas and encouraged me to contact people in real life, which led to real positive career changes.

I think a lot of people can relate to OP's situation, and really wish them to succeed. If they can think critically about a lot of these comments, and selectively consider the ones that make sense, it can be a great starting point to seek real-life resources that will make a massive difference over time.

My unprofessional assessment: you're looking at a quarter-life crisis and reevaluating your view of the world. Your perspective is shifting and now your questioning the path forward and looking at the path behind.

I did this around the same age. I was the complete opposite of you. I was knee deep on computing like Carmack and such, not saying I was a savant or anything, but I was obsessed, it was mucuh of my childhood. Spent most my days and evenings focusing on computers, tech, buulding things, early web development, design, software engineering, "hacking", everything... I was all over the place and said this was it I do this and I'll be happy. Not only do I enjoy it, I have a plan that this will lift me out of poverty and I'll worry about dating and being happy after.

At some point in my early 20s I began questioning if I was missing out on-life. I had very few intimate relationships at that point, neglected time with my friendships, had liited social life.. I was so focused on tech and ultimately being "successful." Then I started thinking about all the things I was missing out on, playing video games, intimate relationships, partying and going out with friends...

What would I value long term? Was the tech that important to me? What about all the messy human things like relationships, having a partner, family, kids... are those important to me and am I going in the right direction.

For me the answer was I felt I made a mistake with too much focus and I still agree with that decision. I missed out on some (not all) teen and young adult experiences I now somewhat regret but to some degree eventually experienced later in life. I shifted time away from chasing the latest tech and trying to make a fortune from some business idea to focusing on myself: started exercising, sleeping more, eating healthy, actively dating and improving my personality, fostering and growing friendships even if it sometimes meant sacrificing time doing things I didn't quite want to do. I got happier, a lot happier, and realized my happiness was far more important to me than whatever contrived external measures of success society and others may have originally helped set in my mind.

Ultimately all that focus wasn't lost, I had and still have a leg-up in some domains of computing due to the years of, albeit unprofessional and childhood, training but not too far off from professional levels of training and exploration. That ultimately set me up for great positions many others can't compete in, high income, and financial stability that I have as a base for all the other things in life I enjoy to sit atop of. But none of that matters to me anymore beyond its ability to provide stability for the rest of things in life like my partner, family, friends, and things that make me happy.

So, all that to say, think about what you really want in life. The good news is you're still very young and still have plenty of time to course correct if you find you're off. But sit down, think about it, find what makes you happy, and don't let others shift your vision unless they have good feedback that your approach won't get you to your goals. Maybe what you're doing does make you happy and others are painting a picture of what you should do but that isn't going to get you to what you want in life and you're questioning that, or maybe you do want to be more career focused and need that shift in time.

I've adopted a rather epicurean take on life since that point and I haven't regretted it (so long as my enjoyment isn't at the cost of others' enjoyment--I practice restraint). It's all up to you how you want to shape your life but I say think about what you want and always be open to reevaluate your choices and goals but don't dwell on it too much. Enjoy life, you only live once (at least in my framing of reality) as cliche as it is.

Here's a perspective to consider: the regret is a safety mechanism to keep you from doing, in the present, what you aspire to do.

If you make good use of the present, your regret for the past will fade, you'll have less time to indulge in it and no reward for doing so.

There are lots of great comments here. I would also add, what would have been the point of learning computer science earlier in life? You could have started a career earlier? That’s just a different way to squander you childhood and college years.

To quote one the oldest but truest cliches: youth is wasted on the young. There’s just no way around it. It’s ok to move on.