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Midlife: A Philosophical Guide

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Re: Midlife: A Philosophical Guide

#101

Post by havblue »

ultramegachurch wrote: post #6
tayo42 wrote: post #3

I wonder if the "midlife" part of midlife crisis does some harm. Other then me not being in my midlife (well i hope lol, don't think i want to die at 60) a lot of those issue resonate. Shrinking of possibilities, empty feeling as i pursue things. Ive felt this way on and off since my 20s and have talked with friends about similar feelings.

Yeah, this hits home. I'm only 28 but can feel my life becoming more and more predictable and stagnate. At the same time, I'm too afraid and money-conscious to make any bold changes (e.g., quit my job, start a business, go back to school, live in a van for a year, do something weird with my life). This is an incredible source of anxiety and depression. I've started therapy and have made some progress. If I can become…

Some people would suggest that you could work on meeting someone and starting a family. (So you can move on to the next struggle!) Preparing myself for this and figuring out how to renounce partying was in fact meaningful for me as I transitioned to my thirties. This clearly isn't for everyone though.

Re: Midlife: A Philosophical Guide

#102

Post by marginalia_nu »

yboris wrote: post #89
marginalia_nu wrote: post #24

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Seems like a good way to avert a midlife crisis is to explicitly make helping others a non-trivial part of one's life. Given this is a thread about philosophy, and this looks like the sort of thing that sounds so true nobody bothers looking too closely at whether it is, I feel compelled to ask why it is so?

There's a whole (relatively new) empirical study of happiness, called Positive Psychology , that's been ongoing for decades. The claim I made is broad, so it's not based on one experiment, but on numerous factors that point in the same direction. We are social creatures, and feeling like we are a part of a greater whole makes people happier. In the recent book Happy Money , the authors, two Ph.D. researchers in the a…

Even if what you say is true, I don't think it necessarily follows that this would prevent or mitigate a mid-life crisis. There are after all many things that can cause unhappiness.

Re: Midlife: A Philosophical Guide

#103

Post by Scarblac »

wincy wrote: post #4
tayo42 wrote: post #3

I wonder if the "midlife" part of midlife crisis does some harm. Other then me not being in my midlife (well i hope lol, don't think i want to die at 60) a lot of those issue resonate. Shrinking of possibilities, empty feeling as i pursue things. Ive felt this way on and off since my 20s and have talked with friends about similar feelings.

At 35 I started calling myself “middle aged” and my coworkers around the same age looked at me like I was insane and then a rather uncomfortable discussion ensued about age and average lifespan in the US. Nobody in their 30s wants to think that they are in fact “middle aged” and it might be the time to have a “midlife crisis”.

From about 40, I found myself thinking more in terms of how much time I have left and what I can still realistically hope to achieve, rather than in terms of how long I've lived.

I was 43 when my father was diagnosed with a bad cancer that would kill him two years later (at 69).

Those things together triggered a lot of things that I think made up a mid life crisis, now I'm 48 and it seems to be getting better.

Re: Midlife: A Philosophical Guide

#105

Post by dionidium »

My strategy for beating middle age: I just had my first kid at 40 and my next one is due just after I'll turn 42. I don't think I'm going to have time for midlife navel-gazing. "What is the point of all this?" is a question that stopped having meaning when my son was born.

Historically, people entered this difficult stage of life at just the moment they were finishing raising their kids. I have to wonder how that changes things, now that older parents are much more common (or, on the other hand, now that so many more people don't have kids at all).

Re: Midlife: A Philosophical Guide

#106

Post by ccooffee »

fizwhiz wrote: post #84
ccooffee wrote: post #65

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I've done this for over a decade, and "Effective Altruism" does NOT prevent midlife crises. There's more nuance to it. (In my case, my day job that paid VERY well involved things that are very much against my ethics. Even giving away 20% of the money to good causes didn't stop the guilt. So now I'm "retired" but mostly just wallowing in guilt of enabling horrific things while lying to myself about "making the world b…

Damn dude what did you do? Sell Ads to teens?

Worked for a large silicon valley company in the military-industrial space.

Re: Midlife: A Philosophical Guide

#107

Post by ccooffee »

havblue wrote: post #92
ccooffee wrote: post #65

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I've done this for over a decade, and "Effective Altruism" does NOT prevent midlife crises. There's more nuance to it. (In my case, my day job that paid VERY well involved things that are very much against my ethics. Even giving away 20% of the money to good causes didn't stop the guilt. So now I'm "retired" but mostly just wallowing in guilt of enabling horrific things while lying to myself about "making the world b…

I wonder some of the time what role self deception can play in finding meaning. If we only have so much agency to make a difference in the world, how much should we beat ourselves up over the inability to change it?

> If we only have so much agency to make a difference in the world, how much should we beat ourselves up over the inability to change it?

Definitely something to consider. For a long time, I justified my actions with a combination of "well, I'm doing good with the money", "if I didn't do this, someone else would so quitting doesn't accomplish anything", and "unlike a narrative protagonist, I don't have the capability to change the world".

Re: Midlife: A Philosophical Guide

#108

Post by LodeOfCode »

mbg721 wrote: post #19
tw600040 wrote: post #9

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Pretty sure once you hit 2m it will then be 10m :)

Where's the savings sweet-spot at 35 for the security of not having to work anymore to avoid homelessness and hunger? $2M seems a little low, but not a million miles away.

Depends where/how you want to live.

Retiring at 35 you should be able to get away with a 3.25% SWR [0], which'd give $65k/yr from $2M. But a) that'd be mostly long-term capital gains, which have lower taxes than regular income and b) you wouldn't have to save for retirement. So you'd probably end up with the spending power of someone making ~$80k salary

[0] https://earlyretirementnow.com/2016/12/14/the-ultimate-guide...

Re: Midlife: A Philosophical Guide

#109

Post by efficax »

dionidium wrote: post #105

My strategy for beating middle age: I just had my first kid at 40 and my next one is due just after I'll turn 42. I don't think I'm going to have time for midlife navel-gazing. "What is the point of all this?" is a question that stopped having meaning when my son was born. Historically, people entered this difficult stage of life at just the moment they were finishing raising their kids. I have to wonder how that cha…

once your kids are a little older you’ll have plenty of time to mid life crisis (just in your 50s instead)

Re: Midlife: A Philosophical Guide

#110

Post by greedo »

dionidium wrote: post #105

My strategy for beating middle age: I just had my first kid at 40 and my next one is due just after I'll turn 42. I don't think I'm going to have time for midlife navel-gazing. "What is the point of all this?" is a question that stopped having meaning when my son was born. Historically, people entered this difficult stage of life at just the moment they were finishing raising their kids. I have to wonder how that cha…

I had my daughters when I was 38 and 40. The youngest heads off to college today. I've had plenty of time to contemplate life in the last 20 years. In fact, raising two daughters has made that seem even more important.

Around the age of 40 I made a point of really slowing down my thinking about the future; realizing what I could control (not much) and deciding what was important to me. Naturally this has changed a bit in the last 20 years, but not the underlying philosophy. You only get so many breaths in this life time, so use them wisely.

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