Ask HN: Have you ever had a changed-your-life moment?

I was perfectly healthy before 2016 (other than some sleep issues) and then experienced a very traumatic psychotic episode, which was quite life-changing (for the worse, unfortunately)! I ended up in a semi-vegetative state and had to go on disability for 6 months because I couldn't sleep and my mind just wouldn't function (random intrusive thoughts or memory retrieval issues like "blanking" when trying to remember really basic facts, headaches and inability to concentrate, items disappearing from working memory). For a while I thought that I'd lost the ability to program forever, thankfully my situation has improved significantly since then. Even 6 years later, I still experience hallucinations, I still have frequent headaches and strange symptoms:

- random sporadic pain in many parts of my body that wasn't there before

- tardive dyskinesia: involuntary twitching or muscle spasm, "forced" movements

- strange salient events, for example my computer sometimes behaves like it is hacked, devices stop working in ways that defy the laws of physics, or time even sometimes feels like it is flowing faster than it should

- background tinnitus that prevented me from sleeping well for years (although I've gone from being tired all the time to having a decent level of energy over time)

- frequently angry "voices" that occasionally say rude and nasty things (as well as some nice ones that suggest interesting thoughts)

- "entities" that attempt to manipulate or coerce me into working on their causes - change your career, become a doctor, become a politician, become a spy (although some of them are nice and a few of them provide some great ideas).

I was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia and required to take medication which keeps the worst of the symptoms somewhat under control.

This experience made me much more humble, patient, and sympathetic to those suffering from mental illnesses. I also realized how fragile life is. Even as a very successful software engineer, you are about 2 weeks of no sleep away from turning into a zombie or completely broken person.

It also really changed my outlook on life. I used to be somewhat religious, and still believe that there are higher powers out there, but compared to the Christian perspective of a loving and caring God, some of them are downright cruel and vengeful. Chances are that to them, you're just some minisculine speck in the universe and utterly disposable. Perhaps you're some kind of a tool in a grander scheme. The world doesn't "owe" you anything even if you do everything right, and it will crush you into a pulp if the powers that be feel that is advantageous to their interests or maybe even just on a whim.

Lessons and takeaways: - Make sure you have a strong support network: friends and family are what got me through this mess, I never would have made it through this hell without them. - The world is not fair. Maybe it's some kind of a test, or the karma is extremely delayed. But some people have it really rough, and until you've been there, you might not appreciate what others are going through. - Be kind to others and treat everyone with respect. Perhaps you'll be in their shoes someday. - Don't upset anyone or anything. You never know who you might tick off and how they might retaliate. - Curb your ambition and anger, and learn to live with and accept frustration and things not going your way. The world will knock you down when you least expect it, and it will kick you while you're lying on the ground. I'm a lot less ambitious than I used to be, I'd say that on many days I'm just treading water. If you have 0 expectations, at least it's unlikely that you'll end up disappointed. Often times, your interpretation of an event has a bigger influence on your happiness than the actual outcome of the event itself. - Appreciate what you have, even the very basic things in life. Food. Water. Shelter. Electricity. Sleep. Silence. Time. A functioning mind. A universe where the laws of physics are consistent. Many people take these things for granted, and then one day they're gone and you start to realize how valuable these things are/were. Most of the things listed above don't even cost that much. Perhaps they should be essential human rights. - You are stronger than you think. Even in the darkest times, don't give up, just take it step by step, day by day. It gets better with time (hopefully). Perhaps even the wrath of God is subject to a statue of limitations.

I'm retired. I live in a country where healthcare costs aren't an issue and have enough savings to live on for my projected lifespan.

Here's a funny thing. My bookshelf was disturbed this morning with a new book. My wife was clearing out her car and left it for me. I randomly open the book and read a discussion on how intelligent design is more falsifiable than Darwinism. I am not a Scientist, like my Professor friend. I think you may enjoy this book, The Case For A Creator. I imagine it will confirm or challenge your views.

I’ve had too many to count and they all seem insignificant when you see all of them individually. Together is where the picture of my life is drawn and you start to understand.

One that comes back to me a lot (cause I’m divorced) is the first time I fell for a lady due to her personality and not her looks. She wasn’t repulsive but she wasn’t exactly anything to look at either. To be honest - the idea of sex with her wasn’t entirely appealing from a non-emotional component. Anyway - that never went anywhere but it completely reshaped how I looked at women. Before - I genuinely believed I couldn’t find anyone who I’d fall for their personality more than their looks. I’d never met anyone who was that great to be around. I really thought the best I’d ever find was someone who was physically attractive but that I could at least find not miserable to be around. I didn’t think I’d ever find someone who I genuinely wanted to be around all the time and would appreciate from an intellectual and emotional level. It seemed too far fetched based on the many women I’d met before.

Later - I met more women who were more balanced - more physical attraction and decent emotional attraction. I met my wife later and it was mostly the personality attraction again - I grew to appreciate her looks more but compared to some other women I’d been involved with - it wasn’t the same. I’ve learned that selecting a partner on personality also has strong drawbacks.

It’s a struggle considering personality is very secondary in our current dating market. Physicality is everything. Such is the commoditization of our dating lives while living in a capitalistic market.

>> Being exposed to this faux imagery of war messes with people's perception of war.

That seems true on the surface but I do not really buy it. Otherwise I believe that I would meet more people enamored by serial killer life after "Dexter" aired. But jokes aside I blame patriotism (and tribalism in general) for creation of this war hero myth. I can even give real life example - I'm from Poland and the ruling party is actively promoting so called cursed soldiers (żołnierze wyklęci) as a national symbol of fight with oppressor (former communist regime). And the way thay are doing it creates a very romantic image of what it means to be a soldier.