Ask HN: Have you ever had a changed-your-life moment? • Hacker News Board

Re: Ask HN: Have you ever had a changed-your-life moment?

#121

Post by markdjacobsen » Wed, Jul 27, 2022, 2:20 PM UTC

I have been successful by most standards, with a litany of professional and educational achievements, a wonderful wife, three beautiful kids, and a life of exciting new experiences. But age 35 was a crucible year in which I presided over the scorching failure of a startup, struggled mightily in my PhD program, and reluctantly accepted that I no longer believed in the religious faith that had shaped my life. That change eventually cost me my marriage. It felt the universe took a sledgehammer to my life.

That year (7 years ago now) marks a "before" and "after" point in my life. It changed all my priorities. I'm much more relational now, much more focused on the present, and search for and find joy in simple, quiet, beautiful things. I still work hard but am far less attached to professional success. The faith change led me to abandon an identity that tormented me with cognitive dissonance, was rooted in social expectations, and never worked well for me; constructing a new, more authentic identity has not been easy but it has been one of the most rewarding experiences of my life.

In many ways, my journey has been a fairly conventional "midlife passage" (my preferred term over "midlife crisis"). I'm grateful for the experience, and thankful it came early enough that I could renew my life while still relatively young.

I wrote a book about my experience, in case it's helpful to anyone else: https://www.amazon.com/Eating-Glass-Journey-Through-Failure-...

Re: Ask HN: Have you ever had a changed-your-life moment?

#122

Post by bbkane » Wed, Jul 27, 2022, 2:22 PM UTC

jiggywiggy wrote: post #37

MrDresden wrote: post #25

Feeling no particular drive for having children for most of my adult life, that changed when me and my partner got the very shocking news that she was pregnant last november. We were there to start the process to harvest her eggs, as she was about to undergo aggressive cancer treatment that would leave her unable to conceive children afterwards. The pregnancy turned out to not be viable, and two weeks later the treat…

Wait till you get them ;). Sort of joking. I know the feeling, also had that. Getting them is very different from this high, but probably even more worth it. Although you will be more tired and busy then ever before.

I just finished feeding my first baby, and I'm not sure when I'll have time for anything else again.

Re: Ask HN: Have you ever had a changed-your-life moment?

#123

Post by jacquesm » Wed, Jul 27, 2022, 2:23 PM UTC

ramesh31 wrote: post #112

In 2007, I joined the US Army infantry at the height of the Iraq war, two months after my 17th birthday. I had grown up brainwashed into the idea of military service being the single best thing a person can do, and wanted nothing more at that point than to get out of my small hometown. As I was training with my unit for deployment, we were spending days on end practicing combat drills to storm buildings. This was the…

That is real bravery.

Re: Ask HN: Have you ever had a changed-your-life moment?

#124

Post by ramesh31 » Wed, Jul 27, 2022, 2:24 PM UTC

gonzo41 wrote: post #50

I broke my back (shatter a few discs) in the Army and it wrecked my career but it probably saved my life. Recovery was a slow process, but the change was sudden. It took me a while the learn the lessons from the experience. Which can be broadly summed up as " Try and end up spending more time doing things you like, than things you don't".

Better a broken back than a broken brain. If it's not the TBI or PTSD, the slow descent to alcoholic depression will do it. Never met another OIF/OEF combat vet without one of the three.

Re: Ask HN: Have you ever had a changed-your-life moment?

#125

Post by auspex » Wed, Jul 27, 2022, 2:36 PM UTC

jjgreen wrote: post #35

A friend of mine wanted to make some speaker-stands from some thick pieces of wood, in a Z shape. He didn't know what angle to cut it, so asked me (knowing that I had, some years earlier, obtained a maths A-level). The problem reduced to solving a quadratic, but I couldn't remember the formula for the solutions (-b ± something?) so spent 2-3 days trying to reconstruct the proof (this was pre-internet). Eventually I c…

Sing this to chorus of Jingle Bells and you’ll never forget it.

X equals opposite of B + or - square root… b squared minus 4 AC all Over 2 A… yay!

Re: Ask HN: Have you ever had a changed-your-life moment?

#126

Post by elt » Wed, Jul 27, 2022, 2:37 PM UTC

When my daughter was three years old and diagnosed with cancer (stage 4). To say it was "life changing" would be an understatement. It fundamentally changed who I am in a way I can't really express. It changed me in many positive ways and negative ways. With regards to my life, I can distinctly draw a line between "pre-diagnosis" and "post-diagnosis".

A second life changing event happened a few years after her diagnosis when I read "Meditations" by Marcus Aurelius. I think the book hit me at the right time and place in my life and helped me really process things that I couldn't before.

Re: Ask HN: Have you ever had a changed-your-life moment?

#127

Post by mehphp » Wed, Jul 27, 2022, 2:37 PM UTC

swyx wrote: post #105

did a bootcamp. got into programming and a better life. bootcamps get a lot of flak and deservedly so sometimes, but also dont diminish the power of a bootcamp to change lives for those who happen to be a good fit for them

100%. I personally didn't attend a bootcamp, but I've personally watched people go from low-paying jobs that they hate to making well over 6 figures and really enjoying what they do.

Life changing is an understatement for them.

Re: Ask HN: Have you ever had a changed-your-life moment?

#128

Post by Balgair » Wed, Jul 27, 2022, 2:38 PM UTC

Kinda having one right now. Would like advice.

My FIL died very recently.

We were close.

It was expected, though quicker somehow. I'm to fill the big shoes.

My first was born ~ 3 months ago.

They're a joy I didn't know I could have and fill a hole in me that I didn't know was there.

I'm so confused right now.

The grief, the joy, so close together.

My life has changed, totally, but it's all just getting through the sleepless nights now.

I need to do more for my family, but I'm just exhausted.

What can I do to set them up for success like my FIL did?

What, in 5 years time, will I regret having not done?

Thanks for any advice.

Re: Ask HN: Have you ever had a changed-your-life moment?

#129

Post by clintonb » Wed, Jul 27, 2022, 2:47 PM UTC

I graduated a semester late…from MIT. Had I stayed on the planned trajectory I would have graduated on time and worked in a relatively boring job at either Booz, Hewlett-Packard, or Texas Instruments making a pittance. Instead, I came across Vistaprint, which offered 50% more salary, later joined startups, and am now in my current role at Stripe.

I am quite fulfilled by my work, past and present, and my income/wealth are greater than I ever imagined. This is all because I screwed up one semester when I only took two subjects, and had to stay an extra semester. That semester was the best $15K I ever spent!

Re: Ask HN: Have you ever had a changed-your-life moment?

#130

Post by biagidp » Wed, Jul 27, 2022, 2:49 PM UTC

We were riding go karts as part of a friend's bachelor party. I had a hard time fitting in the kart and mine was noticeably slower than the rest. My nerves were on edge and my heart was palpitating the whole time we were driving. I had always been overweight, but up until then I was able to tell myself that it had never kept me from doing anything I wanted to do. That was the kick in the pants I needed to see how my inattention to my health was limiting me and directly lead to losing over 150 pounds.