1. It's private, only internal routines can use it. You aren't telling anyone to avoid using it, you are constraining where it can be used. You can use it directly in every internal routine if you want, that's not a problem. But no one outside the class/module can directly access it so if you change it (in whatever fashion) then those outside users will not be impacted because they are only dependent on the public interface. Now if you change the public interface, then they are impacted but that's often rare after the initial development effort, in my experience.
2. Forget about people, it's about place. I don't care how many people alter a particular class or module. What I care about is how many places some information has to exist within the code and has to be maintained and synchronized as a result.
As a mostly-useless-after-CS101 example, consider a bounded stack. An implementation might have a number (perhaps variable) which describes its limit, an array backing it, and another number indicating where the current "top" of the stack is (in languages where arrays carry their size you don't necessarily need that limit number as a separate thing).
If you leave everything public then every user of this bounded stack could directly alter the backing array and change the "top" of the stack, artificially indicating that something had been popped off or incorrectly incrementing beyond the limit. The limit itself could be altered without actually changing the backing array. The backing array could be made smaller or larger without correspondingly changing the limit. All of that would make this data structure useless, because it would be in an arbitrary, likely invalid, state.
In order to preserve the invariants of the system (limit == array size, 0 correctly use it they have to preserve all these invariants everywhere they use the data structure. The code is now scattered and contains many duplications. Again, this isn't about people, it's about places and the number of them.
If you want to change the internal structure of this bounded stack, you have to change every place that currently accesses the public fields. Or you can be a sane developer, use private fields and public routines that manipulate the state so that it's always in a valid state. Now when you change the internal structure you only have to change those public routines and the private fields, no other place has to be altered. Every use of this bounded stack will look exactly the same as before, just push and pop and some error handling for when the stack is full or empty.