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Ask HN: I'm in a rut. How did you get out of yours?

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Re: Ask HN: I'm in a rut. How did you get out of yours?

#21

Post by ChildOfChaos »

csdvrx wrote: post #4

> In a nutshell, I'm dissatisfied with how my life is going. > Things that used to bring me joy...don't, any more. Some people will say "it's depression", but I think we change, and some old things no longer bring joy, while some new things do. Hae you tried adding randomization? As in, try some weird stuff (say kayak or whatever) to see what brings you unexpected joy? It may not work for you, but it often works for…

I heard that was a novel where a guy made life choices on a roll of a dice.

I loved that idea. Obviously, the book took it to an extreme but really what is life anyway, isn't it all just chaos and a lot of seemly random events? New pretend we have control and in some cases, it's this that actually makes us miserable.

I'm curious since you recommended it to OP, how you apply this in your own life and if you have some examples of things you have discovered.

Re: Ask HN: I'm in a rut. How did you get out of yours?

#23

Post by willcipriano »

I was feeling the same way in my late 20's. Sort of climbed all the hills I cared about climbing. I ended up getting married and having a kid.

For me, life would be really boring without children. It's more fun to watch her have fun than it is to have fun yourself, if that makes sense.

Re: Ask HN: I'm in a rut. How did you get out of yours?

#26

Post by pjerem »

csdvrx wrote: post #4

> In a nutshell, I'm dissatisfied with how my life is going. > Things that used to bring me joy...don't, any more. Some people will say "it's depression", but I think we change, and some old things no longer bring joy, while some new things do. Hae you tried adding randomization? As in, try some weird stuff (say kayak or whatever) to see what brings you unexpected joy? It may not work for you, but it often works for…

> Hae you tried adding randomization? As in, try some weird stuff (say kayak or whatever) to see what brings you unexpected joy?

Haha, I’m in the same spot as OP and I recently bought a kayak. It’s hard to find free time to go to the river but it’s true that I’m really enjoying it. It’s a great activity because you can choose where you put the cursor between sport and relaxing. From trying to go as fast as you can to totally lie down alone in the boat.

Not saying it would change anything for you OP, but the enjoyment is real.

Re: Ask HN: I'm in a rut. How did you get out of yours?

#27

Post by bko »

One thing you left out is your personal life. Are you seeing anyone or have a group of close friends? From my experience, professional stuff can only take you so far. It's enough to get you through you early/mid 20s but by the time you approach 30, its woefully inadequate to provide meaning to your life. The most meaningful things in my life revolve around my significant other and family. I don't there is any job, project or hobby you can pick up to life you from your rut. But I think taking a personal inventory of your meaningful relationships in life would be a first step to getting to a better place. Then figure out where you want to be and how to get there.

Re: Ask HN: I'm in a rut. How did you get out of yours?

#28

Post by LegitShady »

1) Think about getting a new job. If your current job isn't bringing you satisfaction, find another. There are many other there and you can get one that is better than your current job. Don't doubt yourself - you can do it.

2) It's ok to not work on a game on the side. Do you have a clear vision for it? does that vision excite you? if no, either work on the vision, or find a vision that does. Or do something else entirely - maybe that's not the right side project for you.

3) What do you do for fun? I'd recommend not doing things like playing video games or watching tv too much - as relaxing as it can be, its ultimately not productive use of time. Is there a skill you can teach yourself? I've been doing drawing/painting, and amateur music production. I suck at both still, but I'm getting better, and making progress feels good.

4) How are your relationships in life? How are your finances? It might be that your negative feelings aren't due to work, or your video game, or seinfeld reruns - those might be a side effect of the real things impacting your mood and behaviour.

5) cut back on the weed for a while nad see how you feel. the weed is a coping mechanism - when it becomes whata you look forward to, it becomes problematic. take 2-4 weeks break. find a way to exist without being high and still emotionally stable. After a month you might find you dont really miss it.

Re: Ask HN: I'm in a rut. How did you get out of yours?

#29

Post by htilford »

> Also, I have ADHD. This is probably relevant, but I haven't quite figured out how.

Yeah, ditto but having been through these ruts many times in the past I can offer some advice

ADHD makes you incapable of settling into easy

You have work to do but it's easy. You have a side project but you've figured out the hard parts and so it's just the implementation grind, which is easy.

Find a challenge

switch your side project to a whole new tech stack. find a new job that you're not quite qualified for. take on job responsibilities at your job that you don't know how to do. mentor someone.

I also find going to meetups and conferences gets the spark back sometimes

Re: Ask HN: I'm in a rut. How did you get out of yours?

#30

Post by n00bskoolbus »

> Also, I have ADHD. This is probably relevant, but I haven't quite figured out how.

Are you medicated for this? I got diagnosed with AHDH last year. The doctor I'm seeing specializes in ADHD and OCD and they have found in their experience that there are kind of two forms of ADHD. One is the hyper active part giving struggles to focus. The other is a motivation side of it where it's difficult to even get started on tasks. For me it was certainly the latter and the techniques + the medication I have now have really helped me feel productive and motivated again (inside of work and in my free time).

Would really suggest seeking help with the ADHD.

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