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New divorce app to help couples split assets in New York without lawyers

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Re: New divorce app to help couples split assets in New York without lawyers

#141

Post by feet »

mercy_dude wrote: post #140

Divorce as a service. We already have marriage as a service in the form of “open relationships” one can argue. How about child bearing as a service? Perhaps in the form of surrogate or finding willing donors/carriers? And then child care as a service under the umbrella of adoption as a service, child rearing/daycare as a service (for example an app that allows each party to sign up when and how they would split the t…

I'm not sure I understand your perspective. How is an open relationship "marriage as a service"?

Re: New divorce app to help couples split assets in New York without lawyers

#142

Post by nixass »

mercy_dude wrote: post #140

Divorce as a service. We already have marriage as a service in the form of “open relationships” one can argue. How about child bearing as a service? Perhaps in the form of surrogate or finding willing donors/carriers? And then child care as a service under the umbrella of adoption as a service, child rearing/daycare as a service (for example an app that allows each party to sign up when and how they would split the t…

Just add a subscription based model for those services and we're set.

Re: New divorce app to help couples split assets in New York without lawyers

#143

Post by will5421 »

cinntaile wrote: post #124
leobg wrote: post #110

Harry Browne had a technique for splitting up assets: One partner does the splitting. And the other partner gets to choose who gets which pile. (He also has a more elaborate one, where the partners do a virtual auction of all items among themselves, to account for cases where particular items are worth a lot more to one of them. I believe it’s in his book “How I Found Freedom in an Unfree World”).

The first one is a very common technique among siblings too, let one of them split a cake and the other one gets to pick the piece. Applied game theory.

Do you happen to know what this is called in game theory? I’d like to read about it.

Re: New divorce app to help couples split assets in New York without lawyers

#144

Post by IG_Semmelweiss »

xWJkCDrVQ2 wrote: post #134

My parents divorced recently. Watching two of the most important people in my life gradually grow to resent each other to the point where they can't stand each other's presence was hard for me even as a thirty year old. I can't imagine what this experience would have done to me as a child, so I'm thankful that they stuck together for as long as they did. In the end I was actually the one who suggested that they shoul…

Part of the reason the divorce rate is so high is because people go into it without even knowing themselves who they are.

If you don't know who you are, how can you make a reasonable assessment about what others bring to the table ?

If you can't answer the question honestly: - What are your flaws - What are your strengths - What scares you - What has possibly scarred you - What is unacceptable to you - What is mandatory for you - Can you answer the same, for someone you love?

You are flipping a coin with regards to marriage.

Helpful hack: - Don't marry, not right away. Have a relationship and live with someone you really respect. Put your cards on the table. You aren't going to marry, but you will commit for life. For anyone to stay, they need to be on board with being ok with living on a continuous "performance review". That includes you. That is a huge win, as it signals a maturity level for both parties and the ability to accept to being vulnerable. Yes, there may be some truly unique and valuable individuals you miss out that have very tough requirements from relationships (for example, no living together without marriage), but we are assuming those are diamonds and you aren't going to randomly be dating them.

Give time (~3yrs?) in a cohabitating arrangement. This is important because if you truly know yourself, you must also learn to know the other person too. This is only possible with time, especially for someone not very experienced with relationships. To live with someone is critical to really know them... not because they may leave dirty dishes on the sink, or whether they are picking up laundry - but because cohabitating is a truth-teller. You can't put a facade while living with someone else. You can't pretend to be interested in someone as a person, and its impossible to hide insecurities from someone you are spending time, 24/7, for several years.

Learn to accept that every relationship is an investment. Know yourself. Be mature and gracious in defeat. But be hopeful and optimistic of the future.

Not every relationship will work out. Not every person is suited for a loving relationship, and even fewer people are compatible to each other. Yet, its hard to love a cynic.

Take ego out, be vulnerable and find people that accept you for who you are.

Re: New divorce app to help couples split assets in New York without lawyers

#145

Post by CSMastermind »

astura wrote: post #136
benreesman wrote: post #96

This is slightly tangential, but I went through a no-prenup divorce. My intentions were good in not wanting a pre-nup, but I’ve changed my advice for a reason that surprises a lot of people. The reason I now advise folks to do a pre-nup is that when things are getting tense, everyone feeling insecure about their future actually increases the pressure and therefore the possibility of a divorce. Write your pre-nup howe…

I thought prenups were for couples where one or both parties are bringing assets into the divorce? Like, I'd consider one if I had any real assets or savings beyond my retirement accounts, but at the time I got married I didn't.

Marriage is first and foremost a legal and financial arrangement.

When you get married you have the option of writing the agreement between yourself and your partner (a prenup) or just accepting the one-size-fits-all government boiler plate.

Maybe you think there's nothing special about your situation. Maybe you think the government rules will work fine enough. Wouldn't you at least like someone to review them with both of your first so you know what the contract you're signing says? That still involves getting a prenup.

The prenup process also has a few additional advantages.

First, it forces transparency with finances. A stunning number of couples never fully disclose their financial state to each other. They don't know about that credit card debt their partner is holding or the student loans, or the jewelry they inherited from their grandmother worth $30k or whatever. Having those discussions about money with a neutral third party can actually help your relationship succeed and it provides insurance against not only surprises but also having to have those discussion while your relationship is failing which will be a much more stressful time.

Second, it forces conversations around expectations for the relationship, big life decisions, etc. I know many religions enforce pre-martial consoling that's similar but in today's secular world there's a good chance you might get married without having those discussions or without having a neutral third-party present to oversee the process.

In short, prenups are not about divorce, they're about the terms of the legal agreement you're signing.

Re: New divorce app to help couples split assets in New York without lawyers

#146

Post by 4ad »

vasco wrote: post #133
benreesman wrote: post #96

This is slightly tangential, but I went through a no-prenup divorce. My intentions were good in not wanting a pre-nup, but I’ve changed my advice for a reason that surprises a lot of people. The reason I now advise folks to do a pre-nup is that when things are getting tense, everyone feeling insecure about their future actually increases the pressure and therefore the possibility of a divorce. Write your pre-nup howe…

Simpler option is to avoid marriage, greatly reducing the pressure on getting a divorce.

Then you have to pay more in taxes, having kids is more challenging, getting a mortgage becomes more expensive, immigration becomes impossible, and in some countries even travel becomes difficult.

Re: New divorce app to help couples split assets in New York without lawyers

#147

Post by jquery »

pyuser583 wrote: post #93
notch656a wrote: post #87

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Once you understand child support payments, and thus the ability to be jailed and eventually charged with a felony and have your civil rights revoked, are tied to custody you'll understand part of the reason for the high stakes. If you end up with The only debtor's prison there is in the US is the one for people with <50% custody. Therefore if the other parent makes claims of abuse, it's imperative you have countercl…

The sort of rational thinking you are describing was completely absent from this process. Neither party cared about child support or alimony. Or money, at all. Also, you’re not accurately describing how things turned out. One of the parents wound up having very little custody time, and very little child support.

> The sort of rational thinking you are describing was completely absent from this process

The unreasonably high stakes of “losing” a divorce case make it more like a no-holds barred cage match. I think America likes it this way because on some level it believes people must suffer for getting divorced.

Re: New divorce app to help couples split assets in New York without lawyers

#148

Post by Xyloform »

xWJkCDrVQ2 wrote: post #134

My parents divorced recently. Watching two of the most important people in my life gradually grow to resent each other to the point where they can't stand each other's presence was hard for me even as a thirty year old. I can't imagine what this experience would have done to me as a child, so I'm thankful that they stuck together for as long as they did. In the end I was actually the one who suggested that they shoul…

I read a similar story on Reddit r/tifu. Are you the same person?

Re: New divorce app to help couples split assets in New York without lawyers

#149

Post by kmlx »

cafard wrote: post #15

In one of his books, Gerald Weinberg said that his sister decided that it was time to give up divorce work when one of her clients (or the client's adversary) produced a list of goods for partition including a partly used container of dish soap under the sink. And my brother (a lawyer) told me of an attorney in the Mountain West who gave up divorce work as too stressful and went on to defending clients on capital cha…

friends of mine divorced recently. they were on good terms, but were getting egged on by their lawyers. the lawyers very much preferred a long drawn-out divorce. luckily my friends were on good terms and they discussed about what their lawyers were telling them. which were mostly falsehoods. stuff like “are you sure the other party hasn’t hidden funds from you?”. so i’m sure there are horrible divorces, but i’m also sure there are horrible lawyers as well.

Re: New divorce app to help couples split assets in New York without lawyers

#150

Post by dhsysusbsjsi »

will5421 wrote: post #143
cinntaile wrote: post #124

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The first one is a very common technique among siblings too, let one of them split a cake and the other one gets to pick the piece. Applied game theory.

Do you happen to know what this is called in game theory? I’d like to read about it.

"You cut I choose"
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