New divorce app to help couples split assets in New York without lawyers

>That's not what alimony is.

Yes I'm aware. I was specifically asked to model it as 'severance.'

Most of the stay-at-home spouses I've met didn't give up work as a gift to their spouse, they did it as a gift to their children. Should children pay alimony to stay-at-home moms for the work opportunities their mother lost out on to take care of them?

My parents divorced recently.

Watching two of the most important people in my life gradually grow to resent each other to the point where they can't stand each other's presence was hard for me even as a thirty year old. I can't imagine what this experience would have done to me as a child, so I'm thankful that they stuck together for as long as they did.

In the end I was actually the one who suggested that they should separate, and I'm almost certain that if I didn't they'd still be together today. But in hindsight I'm glad I did, even though I felt immensely guilty about it at the time, and going through the whole separation process with them brought me to the brink of depression. They're a lot happier today than when they were together.

This whole experience has really left its scar on me. I shudder at even the thought of ever getting into any kind of romantic relationship myself, let alone marriage, due to fear of having to go through something like this myself, which statistically speaking is much more likely than I'm willing to risk. Even putting aside statistics, the truth is I see enough of both of them in myself that I can easily see myself playing either part in a similar situation down the line.

Thankfully I'm an introvert who actually enjoys being alone with my own thoughts, I have several close friends, money, hobbies, and had a fulfilling career up to this point and have recently embarked on a new journey bootstrapping my own business that deeply excites me. So I have little reasons to doubt that I can find plenty of enjoyment and fulfillment through other means in life.

I haven't told either of them though, because I know it will break their hearts. So far I've been evading the topic whenever it comes up, since at this stage in my life I have plenty of plausible excuses. I don't know how long I can keep this up though.

I know both of them want to see grandkids, and I still dread the day when I have to tell them it's probably never going to happen. The best I can do at that point is probably to make up some other reason why, instead of telling them the real reason: them.

I know they're not going to take it well regardless, and if we get into some heated argument I can totally see myself losing control and letting the real reason slip out, and that truly terrifies me to my core.

Thank you for reading up to this point. I'm not expecting anyone to hand me a solution, or for a solution to even exist. But just writing this out and putting it out there has been really cathartic for me, so I hope reading this might be helpful to someone else in some way.

I thought prenups were for couples where one or both parties are bringing assets into the divorce? Like, I'd consider one if I had any real assets or savings beyond my retirement accounts, but at the time I got married I didn't.

My father recently died and one of the strangest emotions that I felt after his death was not of sadness but of relief. He wasn't old or in pain. It wasn't relief for him. His death was an accident and I'm sad about that for his wife and everyone else including me.

The relief I felt was from expectations lifting. It's made me do a lot of thinking about how I live my life, and the implicit choices I've made due to expectations on me. Most of which I didn't really see as external forces for the longest time.

Whilst it's easy to say, but hard to do, I would suggest you just live life how you want, your parents are adults and are responsible for their emotions. Again it's easy to say this. Hard to do it.

Divorce as a service. We already have marriage as a service in the form of “open relationships” one can argue. How about child bearing as a service? Perhaps in the form of surrogate or finding willing donors/carriers? And then child care as a service under the umbrella of adoption as a service, child rearing/daycare as a service (for example an app that allows each party to sign up when and how they would split the time spent with the children.

I think this model in western society has a long way to go in each of the above areas open for disruption some form or other.