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> Yet I can't bare it. I can't bare the devs that go out of their way to work weekends without being asked Wait... You love programming but you can't stand those that code during the week-ends?
Not hobby programming or sideprojects.
Have you considered just changing jobs? Not all places work weekend/have tons of meetings/micromanage. Maybe take time to assess what you like and dislike about your job and try to find a less stressful environment that fits your expectations.
This is especially easy if you have some experience in the industry. As for:
> bringing the stress home to my family.
You can work on yourself to help with this. As my girlfriend puts it "at the end of the day it's just a bunch of computers, no-one is dying". You can still have a sense of ownership while understanding that everything is not actually urgent or important.
In the tech industry (and a few other high-wage jobs), you work with people who think they're above all that. Their Tesla will drive itself through the "bad part" of town so they don't have to take the subway. They think they're temporarily embarassed millionaires, just one startup idea away from being Elon Musk. They still work their whole lives to enrich someone else, but they do it with a smile, on nights and weekends, because at least they can afford to pay some faceless worker to drive across town to deliver them food every day.
Now I am keenly aware that there are plenty of workplaces where this isn't the case. Where employees get their life force sucked out by perpetually unreasonable deadlines, expectations of long hours, etc. I've been in those situations. They're miserable. You say you're in a great job. But then you go on to describe something pretty unpleasant. My recommendation would be to engage in a job search for a better environment while you're securely employed at this place. Take your time. Don't be in a rush. You might want to consider branching out to a completely different segment of the industry. Some domains in the software world (things like games and finance are the big ones that come to mind) have a well known reputation for demanding long hours and sucking the life out of you. You should probably make a conscious effort to avoid those. When you're interviewing, ask questions specifically with the goal of figuring out what kind of a culture they have. Use indirect questions that don't make it obvious what kind of answers you're looking for. It's a sellers' market right now. Good engineers are hard to find. It's a good time to be looking.
You might also want to filter the places you interview according to the type of atmosphere you're looking for. I've been in fun healthy workplaces that were pretty high pressure. This could be because it's a small startup company with limited runway that has to deliver or die. This could also be because you're doing things that are inherently high consequence such as, say, a space shuttle launch or ER doctor (to use a non-software example). I've also been in fun healthy workplaces that were pretty low pressure. Research-y work is ofter like this in my experience and it can be at both large and small companies.
There are people who love their jobs and have healthy work environments in both high pressure and low pressure workplaces. So I'd recommend thinking carefully about what kind of an environment you're looking for before you start interviewing and use those characteristics to choose where you're going to look.
The whole definition of a job is "Series of unpleasant tasks that regardless needs doing, and therefore come with a monetary compensation".
But what I find worst is that the job will probably never get along with my own ideals or principles. I often have to solve problems at work in a way that I myself don't agree with. But it's not about what I want or think, but what the team and the employer wants. That's what annoys me the most.
Been programming since 1983.
I spent most of my career at one company (just shy of 27 years). When I interviewed for that company (in 1990), the industry was still a fairly "fun" place. We were sought-after, as coders, and the boundaries of everything were still fairly "fuzzy."
You could still have a good grasp of almost every type of coding, back then, as the field was still fairly small.
The Web had not yet become a "thing," and the money was still in the products software supported, as opposed to the software, itself (My job was writing device drivers and APIs for expensive image capture devices).
When I left that company, in 2017, the industry had changed -drastically.
For one thing, I was treated quite shabbily, simply because of my age. That was unexpected. I was used to being around engineers and scientists, much older than I was, and learning from them (and fighting with them). Age wasn't ever an issue. Most of the older folks I worked with were an immensely positive influence.
For another, vast amounts of money had poured in, and the place was a shark tank. I won't go into particulars, but it is ... darwinian ... these days. We have an environment, where no one plans to be around, to actually support the software they write, so there is little incentive to do good, long-lasting, maintainable, work.
TL;DR, coding was fun. It no longer is, if you are trying to make a living from it.
I was basically forced into retirement. I didn't want to, but it was made quite clear; quite quickly, that I am no longer welcome in the industry.
So I took my toys, and went home. I set up a small corporation to buy my toys, and found people that needed software, wanted to do good, and couldn't afford to pay for it.
I've been "working" harder than ever, and absolutely loving it. After I got over my butthurt, I realized that it was actually for the best.
I really do pity people that are starting out, now. The industry is a fairly dark, savage, place, these days. When I started, it was still very much a playland.
I think most people here can. That's why, when people have enough money to retire, they DO retire, and not continue working. Work for most people is trading time and physical and mental health for money. In our profession, we got it better than most, but the underlying principle is still the same. Also, there are definitely better and worse companies. I'm currently in the best job of my life (well paying, fully remot…
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