Ask HN: How to deal with children's online habits? • Hacker News Board

Re: Ask HN: How to deal with children's online habits?

#181

Post by Shared404 » Mon, Jul 18, 2022, 2:17 AM UTC

kornhole wrote: post #160

brightball wrote: post #127

I’m going to go the other direction…it’s your responsibility to violate your childrens online privacy at least up to a certain age. Block, restrict, monitor. Say no pretty much all the time. They’ll be fine. There’s so much stuff out there where they’ll have no idea what’s going on but you’ll recognize it immediately. NextDNS is great for this stuff. Apple Family Manager too. On a phone or iPad just remove safari ent…

The kids are not smart enough yet to understand the threats that face them even when I try to explain. I have Pfsense setup on the house with pfblockerng and several firewall rules and other settings. I gave them Linux computers and GrapheneOS phones with VOIP and burner SIMs. They are pretty happy with them. I also have a Nextcloud, XMPP, email, and other server apps setup for them. People get locked into the first…

Note that this can have the opposite of the intended effect: "Oh, my parents are so crazy, everyone uses this tech, it's _fine_."

Not sure if there's any avoiding this.

Re: Ask HN: How to deal with children's online habits?

#182

Post by nathanfig » Mon, Jul 18, 2022, 2:21 AM UTC

Reading these comments it’s clear there is no consensus and that this is a crisis of sorts that has gone largely unrecognized.

Tech companies are innovating faster than parenting wisdom can evolve. New challenges on the horizon with the metaverse, AI, and an increasing share of products that can only function connected to the Internet.

Re: Ask HN: How to deal with children's online habits?

#183

Post by jcpst » Mon, Jul 18, 2022, 2:24 AM UTC

brightball wrote: post #167

eatsyourtacos wrote: post #162

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>You’re their parent, not their friend. You can’t be both. Sure you can. And the only reason you are saying otherwise is you don't know how to do both.

At some point you’re going to have to choose one or the other. You can only do both until that happens.

I guess that depends on how you treat your friends.

Re: Ask HN: How to deal with children's online habits?

#184

Post by brutusborn » Mon, Jul 18, 2022, 2:25 AM UTC

thih9 wrote: post #29

fleddr wrote: post #10

I have friends with children in the age of 12-14, one of which excessively monitors his son's online behavior. He's shown me results of his monitoring and it pretty much ended the debate. Weird old guys contacting his son, excessive cyberbullying, swearing (fine by me, but still), being drawn to the wrong kind of "friends", hate speech, general addiction and obsession with games and in-game items, the list goes on. D…

> Your trust is misplaced. This way of approaching the topic feels unhealthy to me. I’d put less focus on “don’t trust your kids”, and more on “make sure your kids have a responsible adult they trust”.

I interpreted it as meaning: don't place too muxh trust in the internet to be good.

Re: Ask HN: How to deal with children's online habits?

#185

Post by brightball » Mon, Jul 18, 2022, 2:28 AM UTC

eatsyourtacos wrote: post #179

brightball wrote: post #167

Earlier quoted context omitted.

At some point you’re going to have to choose one or the other. You can only do both until that happens.

I don't know what issues you apparently have with your kids, but stop projecting that on the rest of us who have managed a healthy balance.

I don’t know what you think being the parent means that you react so strongly to the idea?

Re: Ask HN: How to deal with children's online habits?

#186

Post by closeparen » Mon, Jul 18, 2022, 2:34 AM UTC

bjt2n3904 wrote: post #51

> I have this preconceived notion that I don't want to violate my children's privacy. If you have a preconceived notion that frames these questions in terms of privacy, then you will have a preconceived solution. Why is this discussion being framed in terms of "privacy"? There is a large and growing advocacy for "children's privacy" that I am quite hostile to. The advocacy largely seems to be focused around allowing…

Children's privacy with respect to freedom to experiment and become their own people would generally mean private interactions with their peers, not corporations or adults.

Re: Ask HN: How to deal with children's online habits?

#187

Post by jcpst » Mon, Jul 18, 2022, 2:36 AM UTC

During the pandemic, I refurbished two old laptops for my kids to use while my wife and I worked during the day.

They play mostly Roblox and Minecraft. I don’t monitor everything they do, but I do check in.

I give them each $5/mo in Roblox money (robux). They can spend it all as soon as they get it, or save it. But that’s all they get.

Even though the screen time is more than I think it should be, we try and create balance by getting out every day- going to the park, to the pool, running errands together, weekend camping trips…

I’ve tried different variations on screen-time, but the truth is it varies enough for us that it doesn’t seem worth it to police it. Some days end up being screen heavy. Some days the screens don’t even get turned on.

In any case, do what you think is right, keep learning as you go, and don’t be too hard on yourself when you inevitably make a mistake.

Re: Ask HN: How to deal with children's online habits?

#188

Post by teaearlgraycold » Mon, Jul 18, 2022, 2:49 AM UTC

turtleyacht wrote: post #74

ksec wrote: post #43

One thing I noticed that is often missing in these discussions, sometimes it isn't up to the parents to decide at all. Imagine your 8 - 11 years old daughter's social circle, and the school she is at where her classmate were allowed very little Internet at home or school. Then you wouldn't have a problem enforcing whatever internet rules. Now imagine everyone of her classmate were playing Minecraft, and she is the on…

I swear it will be like, OpenBSD only, custom router, firewall everything, no Windows... If you can break out, good on you. If you can write your own tools, even better. "I was traumatized from computing because my dad never let me see a GUI outside of X11." I hope they'll be bored enough to wander over to books--"old" programming and math books--and just start working through those. Who knows. There were at least th…

I suppose it's different for younger kids, but Minecraft was very productive for me compared to many alternatives. I was playing as a teenager, though. I learned binary logic through the redstone system, server administration (and how to build computers) from server hosting. Met some friends that I've kept for over 10 years and still see in person when we're in the same area.

It's a pretty wholesome game with a lot of skills you can learn without even realizing.

Re: Ask HN: How to deal with children's online habits?

#189

Post by jstarfish » Mon, Jul 18, 2022, 2:50 AM UTC

Smithalicious wrote: post #145

guidedlight wrote: post #6

I have some pre-teen children that have access to an iPad, Xbox, and an Apple TV. My #1 recommendation is NO YOUTUBE, unless it's for education purposes. I don't have the App installed on any of my kids devices (they can access it via the website, but they don't do that). It's just a cesspool of garbage for kids. Even YouTube Kids is bad. Occasionally, they will complain about not having the YouTube app... but I neve…

Is YouTube really so bad nowadays? I feel like I'm in a weird position as I'm young enough to have grown up with YouTube, having used it regularly since age 11 or 12, and I got a ton out of it, but "The Algorithm" wasn't a thing in the same way back then. I still use YouTube today and still get a lot out of it, but I mainly watch videos from channels I'm subscribed to or through direct recommendation by other people.…

Yes. The recommendations that are pushed to me are wildly different than what my kids see.

Mine are mostly DIY fix-your-shit videos and boring science stuff I assume it puts there because I'm old and boring.

Most of my kids' recs are the cult-of-personality YouTubers who gain popularity with innocuous unboxing videos and game streaming that attract underage audiences attracted to colors and theatrics, and over time devolve into progressively toxic "lolcow" or sexually-predatory behavior that makes the denizens of 8chan look tame.

That much, in addition to the sometimes-fatal "challenges" these clowns try to promote (though that's a TikTok thing too) and the "accidents" involving exposing audiences of children to incidental pornography.

These people used to be kept in check by ratings boards and the stations held liable by the FCC for what they broadcast to audiences. YouTube has no accountability whatsoever; you are entrusting your children's television programming to self-publishing internet trolls.

Re: Ask HN: How to deal with children's online habits?

#190

Post by jstarfish » Mon, Jul 18, 2022, 2:56 AM UTC

killjoywashere wrote: post #75

ksec wrote: post #43

One thing I noticed that is often missing in these discussions, sometimes it isn't up to the parents to decide at all. Imagine your 8 - 11 years old daughter's social circle, and the school she is at where her classmate were allowed very little Internet at home or school. Then you wouldn't have a problem enforcing whatever internet rules. Now imagine everyone of her classmate were playing Minecraft, and she is the on…

> most of the Internet stuff are entertainment only. So stuff like Pop Music, Anime, Viral Videos etc. While not productive, they are harmless You are so obviously not the parent of a teen girl. The viral videos have created a crisis of self harm the world has not yet come to terms with.

Agreed. Munchausen-by-internet is not yet a household name, but it will be after this generation.