Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

A hookup app for the emotionally mature

newyorker.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

41–50 of 66 posts

Re: A hookup app for the emotionally mature

#41

Post by david38 »

bradlys wrote: post #34

Title is kinda garbage. What Hinge is to OkCupid - Feeld is to FetLife. That's what I've gathered from the queer people in my life. I find these articles written by (mostly) women who get such easy access to sex to be a bit... cringey. It's often written in such a way that clearly shows a privilege that is basically completely unknown to them. Akin to being rich and being unaware most people can't just ask their pare…

You are correct. Some young reasonably attractive woman “explores” and what a surprise? There are tons of guys willing to sleep with her, even under X, Y, Z conditions.

Much of the publishing industry is filled with hopeful women backed by family money trying to break into the industry. For most it pays very little, but must confer some sort of status? Find your nitch, be bold, be aggressive, ???, profit?

Re: A hookup app for the emotionally mature

#42

Post by rayiner »

dvt wrote: post #5

Let me first say: impeccable article from The New Yorker. It's the only mainstream bastion of proper editing and spelling left (maybe The Economist, too). I don't think I've ever found a typo in their articles; as opposed to CNN/WaPo/NYT/FOX where I find typos and grammar errors routinely (even on their front pages). > Thursday. I describe it to my friends as “the grownup hookup app.” By “grownup,” I mean not only th…

From the article:

> This was one way to make my unwanted future tolerable, to at least make it interesting for myself: to pretend that there was such a possibility as a new kind of person in a new kind of world.

I gotta say, the self awareness is refreshing.

Re: A hookup app for the emotionally mature

#43

Post by throw_xxx_rated »

superhnthrowlol wrote: post #27
throw_xxx_rated wrote: post #3

Throwaway account for obvious reasons I'm on Feeld and wow the headline for article is a weird take. Compared to Tinder and Bumble there aren't many people (which isn't surprising) and it's very explicitly about non-vanilla sex, and I would never have thought that "emotionally mature" would characterize the people on it. I'm in my 40s and I have trouble finding people my age. It's ok if you want to find a rope bunny…

Well clearly I need a throw away also. Also an Australian in late 40's. There was a golden age a while back using websites such as AMM for hookups and threesomes, and Fetlife was unusually great for kink. I basically just listed myself as a male into needle play (with equipment) and LOTS of girls actually came to me. I would get messages asking if my lab was real and when they could visit. Which is a completely contr…

Um this is the golden age right now.

I'm a middle age balding white guy and I can find more women who want me to top them on Tinder (let alone Feeld!) than I can handle. If you don't believe me, post a pic of some shibari and see what happens (assuming you have normal Tinder profile with face pics and you don't seem too weird). I'm sure you'd find the same thing.

Fetlife is in trouble because of the combination of Facebook (which you can find groups for if your kink is less challenging that needle play!) and OF which causes so much spamming.

Re: A hookup app for the emotionally mature

#44

Post by throw_xxx_rated »

bradlys wrote: post #34

Title is kinda garbage. What Hinge is to OkCupid - Feeld is to FetLife. That's what I've gathered from the queer people in my life. I find these articles written by (mostly) women who get such easy access to sex to be a bit... cringey. It's often written in such a way that clearly shows a privilege that is basically completely unknown to them. Akin to being rich and being unaware most people can't just ask their pare…

I'm a pretty average looking white guy and I'd say you are completely wrong in your assessment.

Have you actually tried this?

It's true that women get a lot more approaches a lot quicker then men. But this whole "oh no I'm a guy the world is against me" is nonsense. You need to seem interesting in some way.

Re: A hookup app for the emotionally mature

#45

Post by brigandish »

dvt wrote: post #5

Let me first say: impeccable article from The New Yorker. It's the only mainstream bastion of proper editing and spelling left (maybe The Economist, too). I don't think I've ever found a typo in their articles; as opposed to CNN/WaPo/NYT/FOX where I find typos and grammar errors routinely (even on their front pages). > Thursday. I describe it to my friends as “the grownup hookup app.” By “grownup,” I mean not only th…

> Let me first say: impeccable article from The New Yorker. It's the only mainstream bastion of proper editing and spelling left (maybe The Economist, too). I don't think I've ever found a typo in their articles; as opposed to CNN/WaPo/NYT/FOX where I find typos and grammar errors routinely (even on their front pages).

The Guardian has the nickname Grauniad (coined by Private Eye, a far better publication) because of its frequent spelling errors. I had a girlfriend who became a sub-editor, and she was told not to use a spellchecker because it would lead to negligence and hence, mistakes. I understand their logic but I think it's wrong, just use all the tools at your disposal and be diligent.

Re: A hookup app for the emotionally mature

#46

Post by klipt »

at_a_remove wrote: post #35

Check the people she talked to in depth, and her: all female or femme-leaning in identity. I know it's not a "study" as such but there's a sampling bias going on there. I would like to hear from some ordinary, average guys on the app.

I wonder if the ordinary, average guys realize they get more responses if they identify as ... not guys?

Re: A hookup app for the emotionally mature

#47

Post by athrowaway223 »

throw_xxx_rated wrote: post #43
superhnthrowlol wrote: post #27

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Well clearly I need a throw away also. Also an Australian in late 40's. There was a golden age a while back using websites such as AMM for hookups and threesomes, and Fetlife was unusually great for kink. I basically just listed myself as a male into needle play (with equipment) and LOTS of girls actually came to me. I would get messages asking if my lab was real and when they could visit. Which is a completely contr…

Um this is the golden age right now. I'm a middle age balding white guy and I can find more women who want me to top them on Tinder (let alone Feeld!) than I can handle. If you don't believe me, post a pic of some shibari and see what happens (assuming you have normal Tinder profile with face pics and you don't seem too weird). I'm sure you'd find the same thing. Fetlife is in trouble because of the combination of Fa…

Absolutely lol, I joke with my girlfriend that 50 shades of gray was the best thing to ever happen for my sex life. I had a Tinder profile with some kink stuff in my bio, my collection of gear/toys and (with her permission) a technically SFW picture from a previous encounter of a girl tied up and suspended. Went from a few matches a week to getting literally dozens a day as soon as I added that stuff to my profile, my current girlfriend being one of them actually.

Re: A hookup app for the emotionally mature

#48

Post by bradlys »

throw_xxx_rated wrote: post #44
bradlys wrote: post #34

Title is kinda garbage. What Hinge is to OkCupid - Feeld is to FetLife. That's what I've gathered from the queer people in my life. I find these articles written by (mostly) women who get such easy access to sex to be a bit... cringey. It's often written in such a way that clearly shows a privilege that is basically completely unknown to them. Akin to being rich and being unaware most people can't just ask their pare…

I'm a pretty average looking white guy and I'd say you are completely wrong in your assessment. Have you actually tried this? It's true that women get a lot more approaches a lot quicker then men. But this whole "oh no I'm a guy the world is against me" is nonsense. You need to seem interesting in some way.

Of course I have. I’m an above average man in many ways but I’ve lived in Seattle and SF primarily for most of my “dating” years where men heavily outnumber women. Unfortunately add on - I am neither white nor tall. Nor muscular nor good looking. I am completely average in many ways superficially but well within the 1% in many others.

I’m not sure if you live in the US but it’s incredibly competitive here for young men. You’re also in your 40s. So, your time might’ve been different as online dating wasn’t as prolific/normalized in your 20s as it was in my 20s. When I was in my 20s, close to 40% of people met through online dating. On top of this - sex for men in their 20s plummeted in my 20s while in yours - it didn’t suffer at all.

Also - I take “average looking white guy” with a grain of salt. I’ve seen 6’4” models describe themselves as average in person and online.

Re: A hookup app for the emotionally mature

#49

Post by at_a_remove »

klipt wrote: post #46
at_a_remove wrote: post #35

Check the people she talked to in depth, and her: all female or femme-leaning in identity. I know it's not a "study" as such but there's a sampling bias going on there. I would like to hear from some ordinary, average guys on the app.

I wonder if the ordinary, average guys realize they get more responses if they identify as ... not guys?

"Everyone, feel free to be yourself! Uh, but not you."

That's the sort of idea where you realize if anyone involved had a sense of self-awareness they'd find the result painful, but instead they'll continue on, oblivious.

Re: A hookup app for the emotionally mature

#50

Post by superhnthrowlol »

throw_xxx_rated wrote: post #43
superhnthrowlol wrote: post #27

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Well clearly I need a throw away also. Also an Australian in late 40's. There was a golden age a while back using websites such as AMM for hookups and threesomes, and Fetlife was unusually great for kink. I basically just listed myself as a male into needle play (with equipment) and LOTS of girls actually came to me. I would get messages asking if my lab was real and when they could visit. Which is a completely contr…

Um this is the golden age right now. I'm a middle age balding white guy and I can find more women who want me to top them on Tinder (let alone Feeld!) than I can handle. If you don't believe me, post a pic of some shibari and see what happens (assuming you have normal Tinder profile with face pics and you don't seem too weird). I'm sure you'd find the same thing. Fetlife is in trouble because of the combination of Fa…

I'm going to presume you're correct. I'd never tried this on Tinder, the place felt so vanilla I just didn't feel like it would be right doing such a thing.
Post reply on HN