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A hookup app for the emotionally mature

newyorker.com

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Re: A hookup app for the emotionally mature

#3

Post by throw_xxx_rated »

Throwaway account for obvious reasons

I'm on Feeld and wow the headline for article is a weird take.

Compared to Tinder and Bumble there aren't many people (which isn't surprising) and it's very explicitly about non-vanilla sex, and I would never have thought that "emotionally mature" would characterize the people on it.

I'm in my 40s and I have trouble finding people my age. It's ok if you want to find a rope bunny or something like that though.

When I was in a relationship we tried it for threesomes and TBH had more luck with that on Tinder.

Also the "cores" concept is just strange. Why did they choose the cities they did? In Australia you can see who is in Melbourne but not Sydney (And Sydney is kind of an iconic gay city, which has a lot of cross over into kink).

Re: A hookup app for the emotionally mature

#5

Post by dvt »

Let me first say: impeccable article from The New Yorker. It's the only mainstream bastion of proper editing and spelling left (maybe The Economist, too). I don't think I've ever found a typo in their articles; as opposed to CNN/WaPo/NYT/FOX where I find typos and grammar errors routinely (even on their front pages).

> Thursday. I describe it to my friends as “the grownup hookup app.” By “grownup,” I mean not only that its users are above a certain age but also that they favor a kind of maturity and decorum; by “hookup,” I mean that the app facilitates not romance but sex, broadly defined. It is not the place to find your “down-to-earth, no-drama girlfriend” or your “partner in crime.”

How exactly does this translate into "emotional maturity?" Sounds like the writer is trying to ascribe some kind of moral superiority to enjoying non-vanilla casual sex. I mean, that's cool I guess, and no judgment, but from where I stand, dealing with bills, conflict resolution, changing diapers, attending PTA meetings, having to put kids through college, etc. probably requires way more "emotional maturity" than hooking up on a dating app.

But maybe that's just me.

> Not having a partner and not having kids may mean that you have more sporadic sexual encounters with people you do not know very well.

I get that there's an agenda at play here (the very next sentence gets into abortion), but this is provably false. Young people are having less sex than ever[1]. In fact, many psychologists and sociologists are worried about a potential population bust. The root cause is unknown.

[1] https://www.washingtonpost.com/business/2019/03/29/share-ame...

Re: A hookup app for the emotionally mature

#6

Post by Invictus0 »

I agree with throw_xxx_rated, very weird title. I tried Feeld and there are basically no vanilla people on it. You are pressed to fit yourself by one of the many new-age hyperspecific sexual orientations and fetish boxes and introduce yourself by your sexual interests. Rather than a "emotionally mature hookup app", I would dub it "Fetlife for people under 35".

There's a certain group of people that prefers to define themselves by their sexuality these days. Good for them, I don't care. I don't think this is "emotionally mature" though nor is it ideal for a dating app. Yes sex is important, but no, it is not the first thing I want to know about you, nor is it something we need to be broadcasting to the world. In turn, many professionals on the app don't show their face because they don't want to be seen on Feeld, while others fill their profile with photos of them elaborately tied up in shibari. A weird dichotomy for sure, and I stopped using the app shortly after I started (there are barely any people on the app anyway, and I live in a major US city).

Re: A hookup app for the emotionally mature

#7

Post by babelfish »

dvt wrote: post #5

Let me first say: impeccable article from The New Yorker. It's the only mainstream bastion of proper editing and spelling left (maybe The Economist, too). I don't think I've ever found a typo in their articles; as opposed to CNN/WaPo/NYT/FOX where I find typos and grammar errors routinely (even on their front pages). > Thursday. I describe it to my friends as “the grownup hookup app.” By “grownup,” I mean not only th…

No post body was provided.

Re: A hookup app for the emotionally mature

#8

Post by mise_en_place »

dvt wrote: post #5

Let me first say: impeccable article from The New Yorker. It's the only mainstream bastion of proper editing and spelling left (maybe The Economist, too). I don't think I've ever found a typo in their articles; as opposed to CNN/WaPo/NYT/FOX where I find typos and grammar errors routinely (even on their front pages). > Thursday. I describe it to my friends as “the grownup hookup app.” By “grownup,” I mean not only th…

It's more like it requires an emotional apathy or detachment. At least that's what I've heard from my friends who engage in such casual encounters.

Re: A hookup app for the emotionally mature

#9

Post by [deleted] »

throw_xxx_rated wrote: post #3

Throwaway account for obvious reasons I'm on Feeld and wow the headline for article is a weird take. Compared to Tinder and Bumble there aren't many people (which isn't surprising) and it's very explicitly about non-vanilla sex, and I would never have thought that "emotionally mature" would characterize the people on it. I'm in my 40s and I have trouble finding people my age. It's ok if you want to find a rope bunny…

[deleted]

Re: A hookup app for the emotionally mature

#10

Post by throw_xxx_rated »

throw_xxx_rated wrote: post #3

Throwaway account for obvious reasons I'm on Feeld and wow the headline for article is a weird take. Compared to Tinder and Bumble there aren't many people (which isn't surprising) and it's very explicitly about non-vanilla sex, and I would never have thought that "emotionally mature" would characterize the people on it. I'm in my 40s and I have trouble finding people my age. It's ok if you want to find a rope bunny…

Having said that - while I remain critical of the headline - the article is quite good (hey it's a NewYorker article so it's long).

I do think it reflects the author's experience a lot though. It doesn't reflect what I've seen when I use the app.

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