Tell HN: I have the perfect job, why is it not enough? • Hacker News Board

Re: Tell HN: I have the perfect job, why is it not enough?

#281

Post by HellDunkel » Tue, Jul 12, 2022, 9:40 AM UTC

tcbawo wrote: post #232

elif wrote: post #85

I was there 5 years ago. My psychology was getting worse by the month as everything I did seemed more and more futile. I quit my job, travelled to some bucket list destinations like Japan, Fiji, Galapagos, machu piccu, then went on a 5 month backpacking trip across both islands of New Zealand with my (ridiculously) supportive wife. I immersed myself the whole time in zen philosophy and tried to lose my egocentric pla…

My conjecture is that happiness will not be found by a job switch. Having a stable job that gives you the money and enough time to pursue your life’s passions is very valuable. I think an artist with a day job would be happier than an artist that scrapes by selling their art. Quitting a well paying job that provides free time _right away_ adds unnecessary lifestyle pressure. My advice is to find and foster your passi…

Probably depends on the type of person you are but it clearly does not work for me. If not inspired by work i become miserable. Very happy to have taken the risk

Re: Tell HN: I have the perfect job, why is it not enough?

#282

Post by 2OEH8eoCRo0 » Tue, Jul 12, 2022, 10:14 AM UTC

eyelidlessness wrote: post #255

2OEH8eoCRo0 wrote: post #98

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Correct. It works in reverse too. Anecdote: As I deployed to Afghanistan from my duty station on Okinawa things got progressively shitty. Okinawa -> Manas: Living conditions suck but they have a decent chow hall. Manas -> Camp Leatherneck: Crappy living, crappy chow. Camp Leatherneck -> FOB: wow this sucks. FOB -> combat outpost: holy shit this sucks! How am I gonna do 7 months of this?! I did. Got used to it. Was ac…

> -> combat outpost: holy shit this sucks! How am I gonna do 7 months of this?! > I did. Got used to it. Was actually kind of fun after awhile. Huge yikes. I can understand adapting to the circumstances, but the concept of combat deployment becoming fun is highly alarming to me. My most charitable interpretation—that your sense of fun was derived from camaraderie during downtime under difficult circumstances, not fro…

> your sense of fun was derived from camaraderie during downtime under difficult circumstances, not from actual combat action

Correct. I saw none. :)

Re: Tell HN: I have the perfect job, why is it not enough?

#283

Post by q-base » Tue, Jul 12, 2022, 10:23 AM UTC

Is it perfect because you deep down think it is perfect? Or is it perfect because everyone else tells you it is?

Your list sounds like a greatest hit of things people on HN, at dinner parties or elsewhere would comment as being dream scenario. But although it may objectively be a priviledged and dream scenario to be in, then that does not automatically make it the optimal scenario for you.

Some of it could sound like you arguing with yourself about not being happy or content about a situation others would dream of. But if it is not YOUR dream scenario then it does not matter what other people think.

I may be way off. But the other interpretations of your comment seems to be well discussed.

Re: Tell HN: I have the perfect job, why is it not enough?

#284

Post by villmann » Tue, Jul 12, 2022, 10:47 AM UTC

Happyness is mostly how you yourself perceive things and less dependent on external circumstances. I would work more on own pshychology and perception of things. Our brains are riddled with biases and filters, it helps a great deal to know about them and to identify your own fallacies.

Re: Tell HN: I have the perfect job, why is it not enough?

#285

Post by btschaegg » Tue, Jul 12, 2022, 10:57 AM UTC

This is totally off-topic and not at all helpful, but I couldn't help myself. Sorry :)

The question instantly reminded me of "Warum werde ich nicht satt?" [1] by Die toten Hosen. It really sounds like a perfect match to me.

Tellingly, the song also just asks the same question, rather aggressively, without providing an answer. I always thought of this as a way of criticizing the mentality of many better-off people, but I had never thought about how one should approach the question when one really is in this situation. Thanks for asking it here! :)

[1]: https://youtu.be/H2WNeyfftVA

Re: Tell HN: I have the perfect job, why is it not enough?

#286

Post by npteljes » Tue, Jul 12, 2022, 11:15 AM UTC

ilololed wrote: post #223

2OEH8eoCRo0 wrote: post #98

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Correct. It works in reverse too. Anecdote: As I deployed to Afghanistan from my duty station on Okinawa things got progressively shitty. Okinawa -> Manas: Living conditions suck but they have a decent chow hall. Manas -> Camp Leatherneck: Crappy living, crappy chow. Camp Leatherneck -> FOB: wow this sucks. FOB -> combat outpost: holy shit this sucks! How am I gonna do 7 months of this?! I did. Got used to it. Was ac…

Quoted post unavailable.

What do you tell to the chronically ill?

Re: Tell HN: I have the perfect job, why is it not enough?

#287

Post by drakonka » Tue, Jul 12, 2022, 11:44 AM UTC

endymi0n wrote: post #153

asciimike wrote: post #77

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> As someone only a little older than yourself, I would say this: your job will never love you back, and especially in the software realm, it may not be as fulfilling as something like woodworking or therapy. It does pay the bills, though. Reminded me of https://github.com/docker/cli/issues/267#issuecomment-695149... > I no longer build software; I now make furniture out of wood. The hours are long, the pay sucks, an…

I have observed over the years a tendency of people leaving software for something completely different (often something much more tangible). Maybe that’s your beef, maybe not. My take on it is slightly different: It could very well be that instead of burnout, you are just missing purpose and meaning in your life. What is the legacy that you want to build for your kids? Don’t despair. It’s all good. Give yourself pro…

I have gotten into writing and self-publishing fiction. It's not as physically tangible as moving into farming or woodworking, but feels far enough from programming to sort of count in this same category. When (re)-discovering that I really liked writing I also took on an SE role that involved both coding and technical writing. I love coding and don't think I'll ever want to stop doing it, but I realised that over the years this one hobby turned into a profession and then turned into my entire identity and sole preoccupation. Trying something totally different, like writing fiction, seems to have helped me to break free a bit of the box I built around myself.

But I do still dream of also starting a chicken rescue farm.

Re: Tell HN: I have the perfect job, why is it not enough?

#288

Post by skilled » Tue, Jul 12, 2022, 12:01 PM UTC

chefandy wrote: post #55

skilled wrote: post #37

Have you tried taking risks in life? Sounds like you enjoy being left to your own devices, so why not try solo travel in a remote region? South America and places in Southeast Asia can be really fun to do alone. You might even end up in situations which will untangle you from work or as you call it "the perfect job", and I can say from experience it is extremely liberating. And you will meet a lot of people along the…

>> I have a house, a good relationship with my wife, and young and healthy kids. > why not try solo travel in a remote region? South America and places in Southeast Asia can be really fun to do alone. Sounds like the risky solo intercontinental travel portion of this guy's life has elapsed. Doing this when you're single and 25 is adventurous. Doing this when you're married with kids and a homeowner is a midlife crisi…

I can't delete my comment anymore but you are correct, I made a mistake. I never finished reading the first sentence and assumed the person was living alone.

Re: Tell HN: I have the perfect job, why is it not enough?

#289

Post by throwoutway » Tue, Jul 12, 2022, 12:05 PM UTC

2OEH8eoCRo0 wrote: post #98

willhslade wrote: post #28

You are describing the hedonic treadmill. Essentially, you become used to your surroundings, and while they are objectively great, from the perspective of inside your own head, this is now normal and you / your monkey mind wants more. There have been a lot of post floating around the internet with various solutions, the most popular being Stoicism > Positive Psychology / Happiness research > Buddhism / Meditation. I'…

Correct. It works in reverse too. Anecdote: As I deployed to Afghanistan from my duty station on Okinawa things got progressively shitty. Okinawa -> Manas: Living conditions suck but they have a decent chow hall. Manas -> Camp Leatherneck: Crappy living, crappy chow. Camp Leatherneck -> FOB: wow this sucks. FOB -> combat outpost: holy shit this sucks! How am I gonna do 7 months of this?! I did. Got used to it. Was ac…

You should write a book about that mental experience. I would read it

Re: Tell HN: I have the perfect job, why is it not enough?

#290

Post by HelloMcFly » Tue, Jul 12, 2022, 12:20 PM UTC

rubicon33 wrote: post #265

HelloMcFly wrote: post #206

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> What is the legacy that you want to build for your kids? I think for some it's worth challenging the need for a "legacy" in the first place. This certainly is what helped my well-being, not feeling like I had to accomplish X or achieve Y for life to have been "worth it." I want to be kind, stay fed, and help others feel like things are OK which can be done through service both big and small. I guess it's about find…

Not OP but, I don't have any issue with legacy, but I do with purpose. What's the point of it all? That's my core struggle.

I have two thoughts on this, though I think the distinction between legacy and purpose is ultimately pretty thing.

1) Why does your existence need a "point"? Is the need to define such a thing coming from something innate, or is it a reaction to the world and expectations around you?

2) Define your own purpose, that's all anyone has ever done. There is nothing inherent. You almost certainly can't go wrong by giving your time to others, but even less "high-minded" pursuits - such as just consuming, appreciating culture - are valid paths. I think people fall into the trap of believing the only valid purpose is one that leaves a mark. It's a miracle any of exist, it's a valid purpose to just experience that miracle (hopefully in a way that doesn't preclude, or perhaps even enables, others to do the same).

But I'm not particularly informed, just relaying my own journey with this question.