201–210 of 329 posts
As someone rapidly approaching my mid-30s who also has wife and young kids (and also in a similar position income wise), I feel this way as well from time to time.
You need you time, outside of work, outside of family.
Or that is: in theory, to exactly what you are most interested in after all -- or a close proxy to it.
How did you settle and slow down and become happy with the way it is without always wanting more?
Others posting here seem to have better answers on the broader philosophical front. But raw in raw practical terms, you can start by acknowledging, every day, just how lucky you are that you (1) have a family and (2) unlike many in this industry, genuinely don't seem to give a flying F that you are making merely "over 100k" (when we are told we all should be making 300k after a few years, and shouldn't be working at all after 10 years or so in this industry).
Very lucky indeed.
You could try having an affair, and try to keep it from your wife. That will spice things up! I mean, you'll lose everything if you get caught, but what a rush!
I was there 5 years ago. My psychology was getting worse by the month as everything I did seemed more and more futile. I quit my job, travelled to some bucket list destinations like Japan, Fiji, Galapagos, machu piccu, then went on a 5 month backpacking trip across both islands of New Zealand with my (ridiculously) supportive wife. I immersed myself the whole time in zen philosophy and tried to lose my egocentric pla…
There may not be some cosmic teleology for your life, but that doesn't mean it's pointless; it just means you have a clean slate for deciding what you want that point to be.
I think embracing the absurdity of existence can be liberating.
Earlier quoted context omitted.
> As someone only a little older than yourself, I would say this: your job will never love you back, and especially in the software realm, it may not be as fulfilling as something like woodworking or therapy. It does pay the bills, though. Reminded me of https://github.com/docker/cli/issues/267#issuecomment-695149... > I no longer build software; I now make furniture out of wood. The hours are long, the pay sucks, an…
I have observed over the years a tendency of people leaving software for something completely different (often something much more tangible). Maybe that’s your beef, maybe not. My take on it is slightly different: It could very well be that instead of burnout, you are just missing purpose and meaning in your life. What is the legacy that you want to build for your kids? Don’t despair. It’s all good. Give yourself pro…
I think for some it's worth challenging the need for a "legacy" in the first place. This certainly is what helped my well-being, not feeling like I had to accomplish X or achieve Y for life to have been "worth it." I want to be kind, stay fed, and help others feel like things are OK which can be done through service both big and small. I guess it's about finding larger meaning in the smaller interactions vs. larger artifacts of legacy.
I'm not entirely in love with how I've represented my thoughts on this, but hopefully the meaning is conveyed.
You are describing the hedonic treadmill. Essentially, you become used to your surroundings, and while they are objectively great, from the perspective of inside your own head, this is now normal and you / your monkey mind wants more. There have been a lot of post floating around the internet with various solutions, the most popular being Stoicism > Positive Psychology / Happiness research > Buddhism / Meditation. I'…
Which is similar to what happened in the rat utopia experiment: https://www.smithsonianmag.com/smart-news/how-mouse-utopias-...
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I think you drastically over-estimate how "fulfilling" something like therapy is. Day in and day out you will see people you desperately wish to help, who if they listened to 20% of what you offered would see their lives change immensely, only to watch them repeat the same behavior without change day in and day out. Worse, if you deal with depressed or addicted people it's just a matter of time before a client kills…
> shipped an indie game that was an expression of myself I've been trying to find games that are personal to the developer (I'm actually trying to make one now). What's the name of your game?
Earlier quoted context omitted.
I don't really understand this mentality. At no point in human history, anywhere, has a life if easy idleness been a part of the deal. The way I see it there's two choices. You can either work in a comfortable society with food at the supermarket, water in your pipes, and a roof over your head, or you can work in a harsh society struggling against nature every single day for food, water, and shelter. Yes there are pe…
Never in history has a commoner lived better than any of the feudal kings. Your average work from home yuppie has access to a warm home, door dash, video games, and online dating; betterments no longer akin to that of a king in their castle with their serf'd up veggies, lamely jesters, and brothel mismanagement and inbreeding. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hgKWNcs_20g
Never in history the world had the wealth and technology that exists now.
And yet your average work from home "yuppie" still has to work 40 hours a week doing SEO or fiddling with YAML to make some billionaire more rich.
"door dash" does not give meaning to your life and ultimately you'll not be happy if you feel you live as a cog in an unnecessary company making an unnecessary product.
And if that's not enough, feudal society was not destroying the planet.
So no, having video games and online dating are not enough. But the technoptimism of HN seems to be an untreatable disease at this point.