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Tell HN: I have the perfect job, why is it not enough?

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Re: Tell HN: I have the perfect job, why is it not enough?

#191

Post by hacksoi »

hesdeadjim wrote: post #116
willhslade wrote: post #28

You are describing the hedonic treadmill. Essentially, you become used to your surroundings, and while they are objectively great, from the perspective of inside your own head, this is now normal and you / your monkey mind wants more. There have been a lot of post floating around the internet with various solutions, the most popular being Stoicism > Positive Psychology / Happiness research > Buddhism / Meditation. I'…

I think you drastically over-estimate how "fulfilling" something like therapy is. Day in and day out you will see people you desperately wish to help, who if they listened to 20% of what you offered would see their lives change immensely, only to watch them repeat the same behavior without change day in and day out. Worse, if you deal with depressed or addicted people it's just a matter of time before a client kills…

> shipped an indie game that was an expression of myself

I've been trying to find games that are personal to the developer (I'm actually trying to make one now). What's the name of your game?

Re: Tell HN: I have the perfect job, why is it not enough?

#192

Post by allenu »

ironlake wrote: post #65

There's a scene near the end of Chariots of Fire where Harold Abrahams confesses to an old friend that he's more afraid of winning the race than losing it. Winning the race means losing his purpose. Contrast with the other racer in the story, Liddell, a devout Christian who races for God's glory. His purpose transcends any wins or losses on earth. It's an ancient problem. (I'm not suggesting that you embrace religion…

That idea of "losing purpose" after winning the race is really interesting. I've often got caught up in external goals (praise, promotions, shipping an amazing product that everyone loves), and I've noticed that when I've accomplished them, or the external goals themselves disappear (project cancellations), I feel empty inside.

Lately, I've been reading a book on resilience and one of the things it teaches is the Stoic-based idea of valued living. Basically, you list out your values and live your life in the service of those values and try not to focus too much on any external goals. (You can't control the outcome of those goals, but you can control your own behavior.)

Whether you succeed or fail, it doesn't matter. What matters is living your values. Maybe that means crafting the best software you can, or being most helpful to others, or being a really great parent and partner. What it doesn't mean is "I will get 1st place in this race" or "I will get promoted" or "This product will make a lot of money".

In the context of work, I also get bored after a couple of years at a job, and to be honest, a lot of that is based on external goals, either I've met them, or I just can't find any more.

It's definitely hard not to think in terms of external goals in a corporate job, though, as the company will ask you to list goals for yourself for the year and the business itself requires meeting specific ones to succeed.

Re: Tell HN: I have the perfect job, why is it not enough?

#194

Post by hesdeadjim »

hacksoi wrote: post #191
hesdeadjim wrote: post #116

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think you drastically over-estimate how "fulfilling" something like therapy is. Day in and day out you will see people you desperately wish to help, who if they listened to 20% of what you offered would see their lives change immensely, only to watch them repeat the same behavior without change day in and day out. Worse, if you deal with depressed or addicted people it's just a matter of time before a client kills…

> shipped an indie game that was an expression of myself I've been trying to find games that are personal to the developer (I'm actually trying to make one now). What's the name of your game?

Send me an email at this temp address if you'd like to chat: pibig18709 at teasya dot com

Re: Tell HN: I have the perfect job, why is it not enough?

#197

Post by brailsafe »

Do you have any friends, hobbies, or sense of adventure? If not, then it'd be obvious to me what you're missing. I have no savings, no investments, no assets and very few possessions, no security of any kind, and just entered my thirties, no children, I rent, and make maybe around a similar amount. But I have a decent social life, a good relationship, There's not really anything I want right now that I can't access, except reliability of that income so I can apply it to more adventure, and time. I envy your no meetings setup, can't stand them. No debt would be nice too.

Re: Tell HN: I have the perfect job, why is it not enough?

#198

Post by jrockway »

Throwing my hat into the ring here late, but I think it's OK to want more. Always be taking steps towards the next thing. If that's a promotion at work, start trying to include yourself in projects at that next level. If that's starting your own company, join a smaller company and take a more active role in the day-to-day; learn what you need to do to be successful out on your own. (My read is that you will spend a few months writing the code that you want to sell, and then the next 10 years convincing investors and customers to give you money.)

You should always be taking small steps towards the "next thing". Many people are perfectly happy not reaching for more or trying new things. They show up at work, do their 8 hours, and repeat for 30 years. That's totally fine, but I don't think you'd ask this question if that was your outlook.

Re: Tell HN: I have the perfect job, why is it not enough?

#199

Post by daxfohl »

jordanmorgan10 wrote: post #128

It is alarming how similar we are (low 30s, 4DWW, great marriage, kids, big house, etc) but I've had similar thoughts. This sounds cliche and obvious, but it made a big difference for me: I found myself dreaming of shipping a project, or writing a book - whatever. But, then I would stay in the dream or possibility of what could happen if I did those things - but I wasn't actually doing enough to make them happen. So,…

Yeah, making a 1 year, 5 year, 10 year, 20 year plan and getting started with it helped a lot for me.

Re: Tell HN: I have the perfect job, why is it not enough?

#200

Post by mikkergp »

A bunch of people have mentioned the hedonic treadmill, but I'm not actually sure this is it, though there's not enough information to know. Maybe it is? But your situation just seems... Normal.

I guess it depends. I'm sort of in the situation you're in now. I think the question about the hedonic treadmill would be -- do you, in this happy house/wife/kids imagine another job where you'd be happier, a certain amount of money, a bigger house, a certain job title.

Or on the other hand, do you just have dreams? I'm sort of in your position, good wife, good job, good salary, good house, kiddo on the way. And I am happy with all those things. And I dream about the same thing as you. Doing my own thing or retiring early to do other projects.

I'm off the hedonic treadmill. I don't think a bigger house/more kids/more money will make me happier, but. Is "stability" really the only dream? I hope I never stop fantasizing about what could be in those real dreams I have. Making music, starting a company, traveling the world. There's a difference between having drive, and being dissatisfied with the good things in your life and wanting just a little bit more. If it's the latter. Well then yeah. I guess you're stuck, go listen to someone else :-P

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