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Tell HN: I have the perfect job, why is it not enough?

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Re: Tell HN: I have the perfect job, why is it not enough?

#161

Post by willhslade »

jvanderbot wrote: post #117
willhslade wrote: post #28

You are describing the hedonic treadmill. Essentially, you become used to your surroundings, and while they are objectively great, from the perspective of inside your own head, this is now normal and you / your monkey mind wants more. There have been a lot of post floating around the internet with various solutions, the most popular being Stoicism > Positive Psychology / Happiness research > Buddhism / Meditation. I'…

For anyone interested, the above topics (Stoicism, positive psychology, budhism) are all nicely discussed in Happiness Hypothesis, by Jonathan Haidt.

Which is an excellent book, thank you for pointing that out.

Re: Tell HN: I have the perfect job, why is it not enough?

#162

Post by pjdkoch »

elif wrote: post #85

I was there 5 years ago. My psychology was getting worse by the month as everything I did seemed more and more futile. I quit my job, travelled to some bucket list destinations like Japan, Fiji, Galapagos, machu piccu, then went on a 5 month backpacking trip across both islands of New Zealand with my (ridiculously) supportive wife. I immersed myself the whole time in zen philosophy and tried to lose my egocentric pla…

> I realized I was merely creating my own flavor of the distractions I'd tired of.

Bam. Right in the kisser. This is the essence of it.

Re: Tell HN: I have the perfect job, why is it not enough?

#163

Post by akira2501 »

I don't know enough about you to offer anything meaningful.. but from my own experiences:

All the things you do, you want to do.

There's nothing inherently positive about this, given our evolutionary history.

Start doing more things you don't want to do.

Stop allowing yourself to be comfortable by default.

Re: Tell HN: I have the perfect job, why is it not enough?

#165

Post by aidenn0 »

AlbertCory wrote: post #126

The people telling you to try stuff NOW, rather than later: 100%. Do not think "when I'm retired, I'll have time for this." I'd always felt bad that I didn't practice and become a great guitar player in my teens and play in bands, like the guys I admired (and let's not even talk about the famous rock stars). So around age 40 I started singing, and then I took piano lessons. I got to be in choruses in some operas and…

Bill Withers[1] is my hero for this. He enlisted in the Navy at 17 and while in the Navy found an interest in music. Left the navy at 27 and (while working a day job) recorded his first song at 29, with his first hit at 31 (The Grammy winning Ain't no Sunshine). At 45 he retired, citing creative differences with his label as the reason.

1: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bill_Withers

Re: Tell HN: I have the perfect job, why is it not enough?

#166

Post by barnabee »

I am a relentless optimiser and someone whose mind immediately always goes to how a situation can be improved or how I can achieve more.

I became happy when I realised none of that shit has remotely anything to do with happiness, which is a state of mind and to some extent a choice.

I’m still a relentless optimiser and just as driven (maybe more so). But when it comes to happiness, rather than allow myself to believe I’ll be unhappy until I achieve X or solve problem Y, I now optimise for finding the path and the narrative[1] I can tell myself that will make me happy with things as they are.

The bonus is it’s easier to do more and optimise the crap out of anything when you’re happy doing it.

Good luck! I sincerely hope you get past this, whatever the solution.

P.S. similar to how others have commented, I’ve also found focusing on others to be incredibly helping in framing that narrative and thinking about my life

[1] to me this has been super key— it is all about framing, and the stories I repeatedly tell myself about my situation and the world around me.

Re: Tell HN: I have the perfect job, why is it not enough?

#167

Post by JobNoMore »

burntoutfire wrote: post #158
JobNoMore wrote: post #46

My friend I am in the same way. I am about to be 30 soon, working 1 - 2 hours 95% of the time, 0 calls or meetings that I don't dictate, no manager / quarterly reviews / 1on1s / etc. All this while making north of $300k, and I still am not satisfied and looking for more. I grew up poor on food stamps and busted myself for minimum wage and was happy. Now I'm here with almost no work, lots of respect at work, great pay…

Sounds like an addiction almost. Addictions are often a signal of something being wrong or off-balance in life.

True, that's an interesting perspective. I do struggle with substance abuse / video game addiction so I can see the relation.

Re: Tell HN: I have the perfect job, why is it not enough?

#168

Post by derwiki »

d--b wrote: post #60

No this is not the dream. You’re still in debt. You still owe society a lot of work. You want to finish paying the mortgage, send your kids to uni and start something without putting everything at risk. Keep working. Keep working. This is the american dream. Work does not liberate you from work. It allows you to set enough aside to retire all right. The only way to get more is to risk more. These are the rules of the…

Yes the mortgage is a debt, but whatever it bought is the asset that balanced it out. You could sell the house, recoup your equity, and poof! no more debt.

Re: Tell HN: I have the perfect job, why is it not enough?

#169

Post by willhslade »

metadat wrote: post #56
willhslade wrote: post #28

You are describing the hedonic treadmill. Essentially, you become used to your surroundings, and while they are objectively great, from the perspective of inside your own head, this is now normal and you / your monkey mind wants more. There have been a lot of post floating around the internet with various solutions, the most popular being Stoicism > Positive Psychology / Happiness research > Buddhism / Meditation. I'…

Friendlier, less user-hostile link: https://old.reddit.com/r/AskEngineers/comments/so6e8h/commen... (The main site goes to great lengths to force registration, even hiding the content after a few seconds (!) when a mobile user-agent is detected)

Thanks, updated my post. I'm usually logged in in the classic site so I didn't think what it would be like for others.

Re: Tell HN: I have the perfect job, why is it not enough?

#170

Post by glouwbug »

bluefirebrand wrote: post #93
d--b wrote: post #60

No this is not the dream. You’re still in debt. You still owe society a lot of work. You want to finish paying the mortgage, send your kids to uni and start something without putting everything at risk. Keep working. Keep working. This is the american dream. Work does not liberate you from work. It allows you to set enough aside to retire all right. The only way to get more is to risk more. These are the rules of the…

I don't really understand this mentality. At no point in human history, anywhere, has a life if easy idleness been a part of the deal. The way I see it there's two choices. You can either work in a comfortable society with food at the supermarket, water in your pipes, and a roof over your head, or you can work in a harsh society struggling against nature every single day for food, water, and shelter. Yes there are pe…

Never in history has a commoner lived better than any of the feudal kings. Your average work from home yuppie has access to a warm home, door dash, video games, and online dating; betterments no longer akin to that of a king in their castle with their serf'd up veggies, lamely jesters, and brothel mismanagement and inbreeding.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hgKWNcs_20g

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