Live data from Hacker News

Tell HN: I have the perfect job, why is it not enough?

news.ycombinator.com

151–160 of 329 posts

Re: Tell HN: I have the perfect job, why is it not enough?

#151

It is alarming how similar we are (low 30s, 4DWW, great marriage, kids, big house, etc) but I've had similar thoughts. This sounds cliche and obvious, but it made a big difference for me: I found myself dreaming of shipping a project, or writing a book - whatever. But, then I would stay in the dream or possibility of what could happen if I did those things - but I wasn't actually doing enough to make them happen. So,…

> But, then I would stay in the dream or possibility of what could happen if I did those things - but I wasn't actually doing enough to make them happen.

I know that one too well :) What do you have on your list? Just different things in areas of life or mainly productive-related stuff?

Re: Tell HN: I have the perfect job, why is it not enough?

#152
> I dream about doing my own thing or retiring early to do other projects. It is probably human to always want more.

So tell your company that you're leaving them for a while to spend time with your family. Go do stuff and see if you can find what's important to you.

Leave on good terms, wrap up any projects, in the hopes they'd have you back in the future. People will 100% understand if you say you want to spend time with young kids, but it can actually be about "retiring early to do other projects".

That's probably the most pragmatic way to satisfy your "why".

> It is probably human to always want more.

I think people are most happy when they are wanting more, ideally striving to be the best at something they care about. Most great artists and athletes are like that.

I have a theory that our employment system hijacks this by providing a small salary for distraction and artificial challenges and rewards for retention.

Many of us learn that we need to "slow down and become happy" once we've achieved enough career challenges. Somehow we should be content in our positions and pay, but paradoxically fearful of unemployment.

If that's the space you occupy, you're simply underfunded and may actually need to "speed up".

Also, if you have children, and you don't want their lives to be difficult, you may want to consider expanding your safety net to include future generations. You may need to really start hustling if you think about your family's long term goals.

> If I knew I could have a job like this ten years ago, I would have thought that's it, the dream.

At the risk of challenging your dreams, it may not be an accident that we are taught to dream of labor.

Re: Tell HN: I have the perfect job, why is it not enough?

#153

You are describing the hedonic treadmill. Essentially, you become used to your surroundings, and while they are objectively great, from the perspective of inside your own head, this is now normal and you / your monkey mind wants more. There have been a lot of post floating around the internet with various solutions, the most popular being Stoicism > Positive Psychology / Happiness research > Buddhism / Meditation. I'…

> As someone only a little older than yourself, I would say this: your job will never love you back, and especially in the software realm, it may not be as fulfilling as something like woodworking or therapy. It does pay the bills, though. Reminded me of https://github.com/docker/cli/issues/267#issuecomment-695149... > I no longer build software; I now make furniture out of wood. The hours are long, the pay sucks, an…

I have observed over the years a tendency of people leaving software for something completely different (often something much more tangible).

Maybe that’s your beef, maybe not.

My take on it is slightly different: It could very well be that instead of burnout, you are just missing purpose and meaning in your life. What is the legacy that you want to build for your kids?

Don’t despair. It’s all good. Give yourself props for mastering all but the highest layer of Maslow‘s pyramid. You’ve achieved something most people on this planet never will.

Onto the last one. Good luck with that!

Re: Tell HN: I have the perfect job, why is it not enough?

#154

Get good at something else which has competitions. For example, e-sport games, chess etc. Now you have something else apart from your job where you can succeed.

Ok great. Now I spend all day wishing I was playing chess instead of working.

Re: Tell HN: I have the perfect job, why is it not enough?

#155

> But somehow, it isn't. It's never enough. It is probably human to always want more. The passionate college runner dreams of making the Olympic team -- just to be on the team would be enough. The first-time Olympian dreams of standing on the podium -- bronze would be enough. The bronze medalist is upset he lost to silver by .1 sec. The silver medalist rages that he came so close -- so close! to having it all. The go…

No one is ever satisfied, largely true, but there is dissatisfaction that leads to action (I see myself out of shape --> I exercise), and dissatisfaction that leads to sadness, depression, feelings of unworthiness (I see myself out of shape --> I cry hugging a macaroni and cheese). If a romantic interest rejects you, how do you react? Do you cry and cry and feel the biggest loser on earth or you look around and tell yourself: there are other 10,000 potential romantic interests in this place?

Dedicating oneself to something you want to accomplish, be better at, have fun with is always the answer. The answer, on the contrary, very rarely (never?) comes from deep introspection that inevitably ends with meaning-of-life question.

Re: Tell HN: I have the perfect job, why is it not enough?

#156
post #17

This makes me think of Anthony Bourdain, the man who had probably the most envied job in the world, but still suffered from depression and took his own life. A perfect job does not prevent or cure depression.

Nice turn of phrase. >A former user of cocaine, heroin, and LSD, Bourdain wrote in Kitchen Confidential of his experience in a SoHo restaurant in 1981, where he and his friends were often high. Bourdain said drugs influenced his decisions, and that he sent a busboy to Alphabet City to obtain cannabis, methaqualone, cocaine, LSD, psilocybin mushrooms, secobarbital, tuinal, amphetamine, codeine, and heroin.[125] Well,…

I wonder if his drug (ab)use was the cause or the result of his depression.

Re: Tell HN: I have the perfect job, why is it not enough?

#157
post #31

> I dream about doing my own thing If you’re not doing your own thing, you’re just someone’s puppet.

> If you’re not doing your own thing, you’re just someone’s puppet.

Not necessarily.

If you choose to have children when you don't really want them, then you're hardly their puppet if you're too principled to abandon them.

Re: Tell HN: I have the perfect job, why is it not enough?

#158

My friend I am in the same way. I am about to be 30 soon, working 1 - 2 hours 95% of the time, 0 calls or meetings that I don't dictate, no manager / quarterly reviews / 1on1s / etc. All this while making north of $300k, and I still am not satisfied and looking for more. I grew up poor on food stamps and busted myself for minimum wage and was happy. Now I'm here with almost no work, lots of respect at work, great pay…

Sounds like an addiction almost. Addictions are often a signal of something being wrong or off-balance in life.

Re: Tell HN: I have the perfect job, why is it not enough?

#159
post #2

Some advice from someone a bit further down the career path: * If you want to try something, try it! Save up some runway, do your own thing. Try some other projects right now, don't wait. (You won't be able to devote full time effort to them, but can still make progress.) You may find that what you dream about isn't all that, or maybe it is. Either way you can take steps forward. * I learned to be happy with my life…

> * It is a cliche, but kids are only young once. Enjoy that time.

I don't know if I'm wired differently, but my oldest kid is in HS and my youngest is halfway through elementary school, and while I didn't hate the time I spent with my kids, I don't feel like I derived a whole lot of personal enjoyment out of it.

I still would make the same decision -- feeling loved and cared for rather than abandoned is a great gift to any child -- but with a lot of the "milestones" in life it seems to me that a lot of the benefit to doing these things is not staying up late at night wondering if things would have been better had I not missed out...

Re: Tell HN: I have the perfect job, why is it not enough?

#160

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> As someone only a little older than yourself, I would say this: your job will never love you back, and especially in the software realm, it may not be as fulfilling as something like woodworking or therapy. It does pay the bills, though. Reminded me of https://github.com/docker/cli/issues/267#issuecomment-695149... > I no longer build software; I now make furniture out of wood. The hours are long, the pay sucks, an…

I have observed over the years a tendency of people leaving software for something completely different (often something much more tangible). Maybe that’s your beef, maybe not. My take on it is slightly different: It could very well be that instead of burnout, you are just missing purpose and meaning in your life. What is the legacy that you want to build for your kids? Don’t despair. It’s all good. Give yourself pro…

Being a software developer is but the initial larval stage.
Post reply on HN