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Tell HN: I have the perfect job, why is it not enough?

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Re: Tell HN: I have the perfect job, why is it not enough?

#131

Post by burntoutfire »

elif wrote: post #85

I was there 5 years ago. My psychology was getting worse by the month as everything I did seemed more and more futile. I quit my job, travelled to some bucket list destinations like Japan, Fiji, Galapagos, machu piccu, then went on a 5 month backpacking trip across both islands of New Zealand with my (ridiculously) supportive wife. I immersed myself the whole time in zen philosophy and tried to lose my egocentric pla…

I've had pretty similar path (minus the long exotic trip). I've also pursued personal projects and interests very seriously, only to find out that I don't know why I'm doing them really. I found that I'm most satisfied with hedonic/epicurean lifystyle: hanging out with friends, spending time outside, cooking, reading, playing some of my favorite games. Even a job is not that bad, given how easy we can have it in the software profession. I guess any interests and ambitions I had were imprinted on my by external capitalist pressures, and I only realised that when I no longer had to run on the threadmill (I'm leanFIRE already).

Re: Tell HN: I have the perfect job, why is it not enough?

#133

Post by rayiner »

It's tough to achieve a balance between healthy ambition to improve and nagging dissatisfaction and restlessness. I'm not in anybody else's head, but for me it's about matching my values to my reality. I pursue the things I value and value the things I have. Religion and culture have made things easier for me, I guess. Where I'm from, the things you've already achieved are a good life's work. (I guess that, and visiting your mom on a regular basis.) My parents are happy with me and I'm able to support my kids and everything on top of that is icing on the cake.

Re: Tell HN: I have the perfect job, why is it not enough?

#134

Post by mym1990 »

2OEH8eoCRo0 wrote: post #98
willhslade wrote: post #28

You are describing the hedonic treadmill. Essentially, you become used to your surroundings, and while they are objectively great, from the perspective of inside your own head, this is now normal and you / your monkey mind wants more. There have been a lot of post floating around the internet with various solutions, the most popular being Stoicism > Positive Psychology / Happiness research > Buddhism / Meditation. I'…

Correct. It works in reverse too. Anecdote: As I deployed to Afghanistan from my duty station on Okinawa things got progressively shitty. Okinawa -> Manas: Living conditions suck but they have a decent chow hall. Manas -> Camp Leatherneck: Crappy living, crappy chow. Camp Leatherneck -> FOB: wow this sucks. FOB -> combat outpost: holy shit this sucks! How am I gonna do 7 months of this?! I did. Got used to it. Was ac…

No sure why you’re getting downvoted, this makes sense. Humans are incredibly good at adapting to environments. From your perspective, it sounds like a change of pace kept things interesting.

Re: Tell HN: I have the perfect job, why is it not enough?

#135

Post by Melting_Harps »

kuramitropolis wrote: post #38
aqme28 wrote: post #17

This makes me think of Anthony Bourdain, the man who had probably the most envied job in the world, but still suffered from depression and took his own life. A perfect job does not prevent or cure depression.

Nice turn of phrase. >A former user of cocaine, heroin, and LSD, Bourdain wrote in Kitchen Confidential of his experience in a SoHo restaurant in 1981, where he and his friends were often high. Bourdain said drugs influenced his decisions, and that he sent a busboy to Alphabet City to obtain cannabis, methaqualone, cocaine, LSD, psilocybin mushrooms, secobarbital, tuinal, amphetamine, codeine, and heroin.[125] Well,…

> A perfect job does not prevent or cure depression.

> Well, a complex enough person, he was.

I read Kitchen Confidential in 2008 when I was an undergrad and while working in catering; the truth is that that kitchens is where you will find some of the most broken and subsequently some of the most interesting people you will ever encounter. That sad reality is that substance abuse is often just a coping mechanism/self medication for unaddressed mental health issues.

I felt Bourdain was suicidal when I read KC back then, and to be honest when he killed himself I was on my last tour in kitchens and I was the only one not entirely shocked or surprised.

His life was marred with lots of demons, and his success was enviable for anyone who has ever worked line, but he could never get away from that simple fact. Roadrunner was interesting, but sadly entirely woeful because it reminded me how much progress was lost because the entire culinary industry was riding on just him and all the media attention he could garner. There were many lost projects that will never come to fruition, and to me that is was I feel was the real loss.

He as a person probably wanted to die this way his whole life, so I can't see why anyone would feel sorry for him.

Re: Tell HN: I have the perfect job, why is it not enough?

#136

Post by theptip »

Personally that sounds like boring work to me (no offense/judgement intended). I think a lot of people imagine that just getting to code without any “distractions” would be ideal, and for some extremely introverted personality types that may be true. But I think even moderately introverted people tend to thrive with more social contact than you are describing.

For me, I enjoy some amount of social interaction by way of collaboration with colleagues. Working together with someone (either business/product stakeholder, or on the technical side) to explore a design space and figure out a good solution can be as or more fun than the flow state from coding.

Particularly during Covid with reduced socialization outside of work I think that I would go crazy if I had just 8 hours a day of coding with no other interaction.

I think it’s totally fine to want something more stimulating from your career. Maybe you can ask for expanded scope from your current role (eg doing more “tech lead” type work). If you are committed to WFH, perhaps try interviewing for a more senior role, which will expose you to more collaboration (All else being equal, it can be easier to get a seniority bump by transitioning to a smaller company, though this might entail a pay cut). If you are not committed to WFH, consider a role with some time in the office. It’s simply much easier to collaborate in person. Though of course, commutes impose their own costs.

It’s also possible that this role is a good fit for you, and you are feeling a bit depressed due to the frankly depressing last couple of years. Think about whether your social life and hobbies outside work have suffered, and if there is anything you need to do to restart them.

And finally, FIRE is a totally valid goal. Work isn’t everything, if you can find a path to independence that is worth considering.

In summary, I think it’s valid that you aren’t finding your current situation fulfilling, and I don’t think it’s wrong to change things up to keep things fresh.

Re: Tell HN: I have the perfect job, why is it not enough?

#137

Post by imdsm »

asciimike wrote: post #77
willhslade wrote: post #28

You are describing the hedonic treadmill. Essentially, you become used to your surroundings, and while they are objectively great, from the perspective of inside your own head, this is now normal and you / your monkey mind wants more. There have been a lot of post floating around the internet with various solutions, the most popular being Stoicism > Positive Psychology / Happiness research > Buddhism / Meditation. I'…

> As someone only a little older than yourself, I would say this: your job will never love you back, and especially in the software realm, it may not be as fulfilling as something like woodworking or therapy. It does pay the bills, though. Reminded me of https://github.com/docker/cli/issues/267#issuecomment-695149... > I no longer build software; I now make furniture out of wood. The hours are long, the pay sucks, an…

I remember the woodworking post, and think about it a lot.

Re: Tell HN: I have the perfect job, why is it not enough?

#140

Post by mancerayder »

Pokepokalypse wrote: post #71
willhslade wrote: post #28

You are describing the hedonic treadmill. Essentially, you become used to your surroundings, and while they are objectively great, from the perspective of inside your own head, this is now normal and you / your monkey mind wants more. There have been a lot of post floating around the internet with various solutions, the most popular being Stoicism > Positive Psychology / Happiness research > Buddhism / Meditation. I'…

This is possibly true. I'm in my 50's now, and when I was in my 40's, my life-situation allowed me to pursue a lot more outside interests and hobbies. I had a lot of different outside activities, and would go out after work 4 nights a week with something different. A mass-layoff 5 years ago changed my circumstances in a lot of ways. I have another job - one that I love probably much more. But I relocated, and where I…

What was the main difference between the two locations?

Are these major cities or more rural?

I am thinking of a relocation to a less city-like environment but worry about the loneliness factor. The cities offer people, but less hobbies I'm interested in. City hobbies are mostly social and drinking oriented.

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