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Tell HN: I have the perfect job, why is it not enough?

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Re: Tell HN: I have the perfect job, why is it not enough?

#111

Post by 0000011111 »

willhslade wrote: post #28

You are describing the hedonic treadmill. Essentially, you become used to your surroundings, and while they are objectively great, from the perspective of inside your own head, this is now normal and you / your monkey mind wants more. There have been a lot of post floating around the internet with various solutions, the most popular being Stoicism > Positive Psychology / Happiness research > Buddhism / Meditation. I'…

I would like to add two other ways to get off the hedonic treadmill for a bit.

1. Backpacking for a 1 week time period or longer. Living out of a backpack is a great way to help rest your brain terms of its standard perspective on what it thinks it needs to be happy in day to day life. Also, there are some nice places you can walk to with a backpack on that you can not drive to.

2. A Therapeutic mushroom trip - read how to change your mind by that hippy Berkley professor. This is not for everyone though. So proceed with caution.

Re: Tell HN: I have the perfect job, why is it not enough?

#112

Post by jakobov »

I was in the same situation, but even better. I was making $350,000/yr, promoted to software architect of a 100 person team, was working on interesting problems, was well liked by everyone in the office, had lots of good friends at work, and only needed to work a few hours a day, was able to decide what projects I wanted to work on.... it was a dream.

I quit to join a startup. Huge mistake. I quit the startup to take time off, its been 2 months.

Now I am spending my time exercising, doing yoga, studying things I want to study and hanging out at cafes and travelling. But I was happier in the job.

I don't have a solution, sorry. My best guess is understanding the hedonic treadmill, focusing on appreciating what you have and meditation (the mind illuminated is a good book). But hey thats just a guess. Maybe there is no solution, maybe evolution fucked us.

Re: Tell HN: I have the perfect job, why is it not enough?

#113

Post by philote »

I'm in a very similar situation, and I don't think it's the "hedonic treadmill" as others have suggested. I believe the key here is you saying "I dream about doing my own thing or retiring early to do other projects.".

I, personally, have a ton of different interests, yet have to spend most of my time doing only one (my job). I also help around the house, spend time with my wife and kids, etc. But that means very little time to pursue most of my interests (and when I have time, I don't always have the energy). I don't think you're wanting "more" in general, just more freedom to do other projects that interest you.

I know I personally yearn for the day I can retire and work on whatever I want. Unfortunately I won't be retiring early, so I'm doing all I can now to make sure I can retire comfortably and have the money I need to allow me to pursue my interests. To help in the meantime, I'm acknowledging each little victory towards that goal and also trying to organize/automate other things in my life to allow me to have more time now.

Re: Tell HN: I have the perfect job, why is it not enough?

#114

Post by achillesheels »

I do always want more, but more of what I have been pursuing, to which I have been content in the incremental progress.

But show much of that progress is towards activities which transcend the work day. It is my personal deviation from “heroic materialism” that has made me a much more enlightened man.

Re: Tell HN: I have the perfect job, why is it not enough?

#115

Post by kelseyfrog »

You've gotten some answers, some of them good, but I haven't seen this one yet and it changed my life.

You can accept that this feeling is normal - that your hunger for something more is insatiable, that this is just how things are and to accept it. That's one way to view it, sure, but do you really want to package that feeling up, box it, and push it away? You might push it so far down you lose sight of it and forget about it entirely. This can work for some, but these things have a habit of popping back up later in life with much more veracity. It can fester like a splinter in your mind.

What so many people are suggesting is foreclosing[1] on figuring out what you want. What gives your life meaning is completely aligned with figuring out what you want and who you are. You're in a great position to do just that - many people in recent years have found themselves in exactly the same position and reëvaluated their lives.

To do so, understand that finding your own meaning involves both a high degree of exploration and a low degree of certainty. When you find it, you'll know because you will feel a low degree of exploration and a high degree of certainty. Exploring what you need is a process of making hypotheses, trying them out, and evaluating their effects on yourself. Do they make you feel satisfied with your life, or do they leave you wanting more? If they leave you wanting more, keep exploring. You don't have to foreclose.

1. Marcia, J. E. (1980).

Re: Tell HN: I have the perfect job, why is it not enough?

#116

Post by hesdeadjim »

willhslade wrote: post #28

You are describing the hedonic treadmill. Essentially, you become used to your surroundings, and while they are objectively great, from the perspective of inside your own head, this is now normal and you / your monkey mind wants more. There have been a lot of post floating around the internet with various solutions, the most popular being Stoicism > Positive Psychology / Happiness research > Buddhism / Meditation. I'…

I think you drastically over-estimate how "fulfilling" something like therapy is. Day in and day out you will see people you desperately wish to help, who if they listened to 20% of what you offered would see their lives change immensely, only to watch them repeat the same behavior without change day in and day out. Worse, if you deal with depressed or addicted people it's just a matter of time before a client kills themselves.

Grass is always greener, but we have it easy in software and it's good to remember that.

All that said, I've been through the types of discontent that OP mentions. I've worked many interesting software jobs, started multiple businesses, failed many times, succeeded, made lots of money, shipped an indie game that was an expression of myself -- a dream come true, and at the end of it all... emptiness and a feeling of not-enough-ness (not depression!).

If one does not find a philosophy that accepts this as reality at its core, you'll be chasing your tail until the day you die. I personally prefer Buddhism without the ceremonial pomp, and in that vein I'd recommend Noah Levine: https://www.againstthestream.com/dharma-talk-and-meditation-...

Edit: 100% agree though that giving back to people is wonderful. Some of my best experiences have been the happiness in helping someone else succeed.

Re: Tell HN: I have the perfect job, why is it not enough?

#117

Post by jvanderbot »

willhslade wrote: post #28

You are describing the hedonic treadmill. Essentially, you become used to your surroundings, and while they are objectively great, from the perspective of inside your own head, this is now normal and you / your monkey mind wants more. There have been a lot of post floating around the internet with various solutions, the most popular being Stoicism > Positive Psychology / Happiness research > Buddhism / Meditation. I'…

For anyone interested, the above topics (Stoicism, positive psychology, budhism) are all nicely discussed in Happiness Hypothesis, by Jonathan Haidt.
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