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Tell HN: I have the perfect job, why is it not enough?

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Re: Tell HN: I have the perfect job, why is it not enough?

#81
post #56

You are describing the hedonic treadmill. Essentially, you become used to your surroundings, and while they are objectively great, from the perspective of inside your own head, this is now normal and you / your monkey mind wants more. There have been a lot of post floating around the internet with various solutions, the most popular being Stoicism > Positive Psychology / Happiness research > Buddhism / Meditation. I'…

Friendlier, less user-hostile link: https://old.reddit.com/r/AskEngineers/comments/so6e8h/commen... (The main site goes to great lengths to force registration, even hiding the content after a few seconds (!) when a mobile user-agent is detected)

I've been using this[1] plugin (made by a friend) for years now to get around this issue.

1: https://chrome.google.com/webstore/detail/reddit-fixer/boahh...

Re: Tell HN: I have the perfect job, why is it not enough?

#82

You are describing the hedonic treadmill. Essentially, you become used to your surroundings, and while they are objectively great, from the perspective of inside your own head, this is now normal and you / your monkey mind wants more. There have been a lot of post floating around the internet with various solutions, the most popular being Stoicism > Positive Psychology / Happiness research > Buddhism / Meditation. I'…

For me, engaging in a sport that borders on meditation expanded my mind, I paddleboard around sunset/nights. This tremendously improved my mental state after being trapped inside for most of 2020.

Re: Tell HN: I have the perfect job, why is it not enough?

#83

I've been right where you are. Something was still off. I started digging. Now, I'm much happier. - read stoicism, start anywhere, keep reading - check in with a counselor - consider your relationship with "god" -- is it fake? Step up or step back. - get a hobby; here are mine: real estate, woodworking, software projects, private pilot, ham radio

> here are mine: real estate, woodworking, software projects, private pilot, ham radio

Apologizes since this is slightly off topic from the rest of the thread, but: any chance I could bounce some questions off you about the process of getting a private pilot's license? I took an "intro" flight, and have started studying towards the written test, but I have a few questions that I would love to ask.

My email is in my profile - let me know if there's a good way to reach out to you.

Re: Tell HN: I have the perfect job, why is it not enough?

#84
Your job is giving you enough to live on ad time to spend on other things. Focus on giving your children the best start in life by spending time with them now. They are only young for a brief time, and you cannot go back and undo neglect later.

I was fortunate to be able to work from home when my boys were young, and I learned a lot (See https://www.skmurphy.com/blog/2014/07/27/things-i-have-learn... ) and have good relationships with them now that they are in their late 20's. I have acquaintances who did not put in the time and now regret it. Their children and grandchildren are not in their lives.

Re: Tell HN: I have the perfect job, why is it not enough?

#85
I was there 5 years ago. My psychology was getting worse by the month as everything I did seemed more and more futile.

I quit my job, travelled to some bucket list destinations like Japan, Fiji, Galapagos, machu piccu, then went on a 5 month backpacking trip across both islands of New Zealand with my (ridiculously) supportive wife. I immersed myself the whole time in zen philosophy and tried to lose my egocentric placement in the universe.

It was a great reset for my depression, but did nothing to erase the fundamental feeling that all of reality and my actions within it are pointless.

For the first year I took my passion projects seriously, devoting almost a full work week of attention to them. At a certain point, I stopped those too. I realized I was merely creating my own flavor of the distractions I'd tired of.

Now the only things that bring me real joy are improving my home environment, the health of my family, and getting out in the sun and playing sports. That kind of "out there, just around the corner" abstract life satisfaction I was chasing seem as ridiculous to me now as participating in US politics. It is all ephemeral.

Re: Tell HN: I have the perfect job, why is it not enough?

#86
Disclaimer, I am not an expert in these fields, and while I have some academic-ey looking references, the references are also on the periphery of their respective fields, so like.. big grain of salt, maybe several.

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You can't, but you don't have to "want more" in the same "direction".

I think this article by Nathaniel Travis gives a lot of insight into the human condition with a remarkably simple premise:

[1] https://nathanieltravis.com/2022/01/17/is-human-behavior-jus...

The reason we can't ever be entirely satisfied is our fundamental control loop cannot consider scale (and for good reason if you think about it for a few minutes). So no matter how good things are, you will always sensibly consider how things could be better, no matter how little it would actually improve your day to day (if at all).

Fortunately, it does seem we have some control over what it is we expect to gain, so I would suggest you start "tumbling" vigorously in ways that are not detrimental to your current life and you may come upon something that really sparks an interest (at least enough of one).

I suspect there's also a darker parallel with these systems and give-up-itis, in which a lack of dopamine from the prefrontal cortex seems to cause stasis and eventually death or suicide as the basal ganglia loses the ability to perform self-directed activity (the control loop has shut down) [2]. This isn't entirely different from a bacteria failing to find a gradient and simply waiting out the situation. But from our highly derived perspective, waiting out a situation when we are the only thing that can create situations is not a useful feedback loop.

[2] https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S030698771...

Re: Tell HN: I have the perfect job, why is it not enough?

#89
> But somehow, it isn't. It's never enough. It is probably human to always want more.

The passionate college runner dreams of making the Olympic team -- just to be on the team would be enough. The first-time Olympian dreams of standing on the podium -- bronze would be enough. The bronze medalist is upset he lost to silver by .1 sec. The silver medalist rages that he came so close -- so close! to having it all. The gold medalist wonders if he'll ever win gold again.

No one is ever satisfied. (fine, there are some exceptions -- I tip my hat to them).

All the advice below of quitting to do your own thing is (most likely) baloney. Down that path is just loss of wages and all the associated stress and opportunity costs. Again, there are exceptions, and congrats to them.

Here's my advice: You're doing great -- stop whining! I mean that in the friendliest way possible. This is what winning at life feels like. It doesn't feel like winning.

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