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Tell HN: I have the perfect job, why is it not enough?

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Re: Tell HN: I have the perfect job, why is it not enough?

#71

Post by Pokepokalypse »

willhslade wrote: post #28

You are describing the hedonic treadmill. Essentially, you become used to your surroundings, and while they are objectively great, from the perspective of inside your own head, this is now normal and you / your monkey mind wants more. There have been a lot of post floating around the internet with various solutions, the most popular being Stoicism > Positive Psychology / Happiness research > Buddhism / Meditation. I'…

This is possibly true.

I'm in my 50's now, and when I was in my 40's, my life-situation allowed me to pursue a lot more outside interests and hobbies. I had a lot of different outside activities, and would go out after work 4 nights a week with something different.

A mass-layoff 5 years ago changed my circumstances in a lot of ways. I have another job - one that I love probably much more. But I relocated, and where I live now just doesn't have many of the same opportunities to do all the different things I used to do. And it's causing a lot of feelings of emptiness and burnout.

Since I work remote, I'm planning on another relocation.

Re: Tell HN: I have the perfect job, why is it not enough?

#72

Post by sarora27 »

I've felt this before. In fact, I end up in this position everytime I'm in a job where the company is larger than 200 folks, the goals are corporate, and there never seems to be an "end" to the work. I'd say it's easy to be disconnected from the impact you have on people when you're working a job.

One thing I found that really helped was working on my own projects. The level of satisfaction you feel after directly helping someone (or multiple folks) solve a problem that's been bothering them (either in business or personal) can't be replicated from any job.

Some people will say settle, or bring up hedonic treadmills or w/e but i would encourage you to start scratching that itch to do your own thing. Find folks who have a problem you think/know you can help them solve and then do it. Take the plunge and experience how it feels to help someone with something you built of your own effort and time.

Re: Tell HN: I have the perfect job, why is it not enough?

#73

Post by skadamat »

I would check out Cal Newport's recent "Deep Life" philosophy / manifesto that he's been blogging & podcasting about.

- https://www.calnewport.com/blog/2020/04/20/cultivating-a-dee...

- https://www.calnewport.com/blog/2020/03/17/the-deep-life-som...

He talks about building a life of your own choosing around the things that matter in some key buckets:

- Craft: usually your day job - Community: volunteering, religion, family, whatever it is for you - Constitution: mental, physical health - Contemplation: matters of the soul (reading philosophy, following a religion if that's relevant, reflecting, etc)

Also as many people have pointed out, the hedonic treadmill is real! There's nothing wrong with wanting to grow 1% in the core aspects of your life for the rest of your life. That seems like a life well lived to be honest!

But if you can wake up every day, look at your deep life playbook that you defined, internalize your own definitions of the 4 C's and then abide by those definitions ... then you can end each day knowing that you're living a "deep life" and hopefully gain some internal silence and gratitude!

Of course this is easier said than done :]

Re: Tell HN: I have the perfect job, why is it not enough?

#75

Post by jriot »

throwaway98797 wrote: post #18

start lifting, hire a trainer to do it right and safely see what your body can do, it is clear that your mind has accomplished a lot the contentment of a great workout is hard to beat

Great advice. I've done ultra marathons, powerlifting and strongman (open division). Knowing I'll never be the best and there is an upper limit I've created my own goal Project 15-50. Complete the big three lifts (squat, bench and deadlift) for a total of 1500lbs and run a 50 miler within a week, a three year goal.

Though I do feel I need to see what my mind can accomplish. I'm a DS Manager (was an air traffic controller) but the role isn't technically difficult.

Re: Tell HN: I have the perfect job, why is it not enough?

#77

Post by asciimike »

willhslade wrote: post #28

You are describing the hedonic treadmill. Essentially, you become used to your surroundings, and while they are objectively great, from the perspective of inside your own head, this is now normal and you / your monkey mind wants more. There have been a lot of post floating around the internet with various solutions, the most popular being Stoicism > Positive Psychology / Happiness research > Buddhism / Meditation. I'…

> As someone only a little older than yourself, I would say this: your job will never love you back, and especially in the software realm, it may not be as fulfilling as something like woodworking or therapy. It does pay the bills, though.

Reminded me of https://github.com/docker/cli/issues/267#issuecomment-695149...

> I no longer build software; I now make furniture out of wood. The hours are long, the pay sucks, and there's always the opportunity to remove my finger with a table saw, but nobody asks me if I can add an RSS feed to a DBMS, so there's that :-)

Relevant discussion of that thread: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=24541964

I think you summarized it well :)

Re: Tell HN: I have the perfect job, why is it not enough?

#78

Post by robocat »

> I work from home

Plenty of people have some level of need to be part of a group of people beyond the nuclear family. Some of those people don’t seem to be very aware of the side effects of not having a group. Do you remember looking forward to going to school so you could be with your friends? (Cue tribal argument).

The group itself probably doesn’t matter so long as it is more than a couple of hours a week and not socially shallow - since you have kids perhaps something linked in with them?

I think it would be worth the effort to try an experiment and see how you respond.

Re: Tell HN: I have the perfect job, why is it not enough?

#79

Post by julienb_sea »

I wouldn't dwell on how you "should" feel about your current situation. Reflect on what it is you value in life. Are you meaningfully fulfilling and working towards your values? If not, think about what aspects of your life are tangential or contrary to your values. It may be worth considering making a change in those areas.

It's also important not to beat yourself up. It's normal to think about how things could be, and it's not easy to appreciate the things you have. These are normal human emotions and behaviors, and they are perfectly ok.

I will mention, I think for the majority of people what you do for work is not the primary driver of life fulfillment. Work is a responsibility we take on, our societal contract to fulfill the needs of ourselves and our loved ones.

Re: Tell HN: I have the perfect job, why is it not enough?

#80

Post by thenoblesunfish »

Try to unask the question. These sorts of existential questions usually contain huge assumptions within them. Here, the obvious one is that the assumption that it's possible to feel "enough" in life. A very similar question is "What is the meaning of life?" To phrase it that way makes it seem like there must be an answer, like "what is the meaning of 'cat'?" These are not really questions - they are emotions. You don't answer emotions - you sit with them, you share them with those closer to you, you process them, you get some sleep.
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