721–730 of 741 posts
Earlier quoted context omitted.
So he complimented you, and you twisted it such that he implied you're a whore instead? Interesting.
It's called "negging", and manipulators use this tactic all the time. Most commonly against women. Gross is an understatement for this breed of human.
> I’ve deeply invested myself in therapy, support groups, meditation, dating coaching, yoga and hypnotism. I’ve known plenty of my female friends who were so aggressively “fixing” and improving themselves, that they even didn’t notice how big their ego had become. Their whole life was revolving around Me Me Me, I want to be perfect, I want a perfect marriage, I want a perfect husband, I am perfect, I I I… It’s hard t…
Wow. Some of these comments are SO harsh. Ow.
I really appreciate the honest feedback everyone has given on this post. Some of it was hard to hear, but all of it enlightening. And I appreciate the generosity of the community in the time they took to engage in this issue. I do want to address one last thing before giving this post a rest. A lot of people on this post have made conjectures about my reproductive health and ability to have children at the age of 41.…
I should do the same though I know why I’m a mess :)
Your response is heartfelt. It misconstrues the point many were making. None of us know the details of your fertility. We don’t know anything more about you than what you say. The points about your fertility were about its perception not about its reality. You seem like the sort of person who tries to avoid making quick judgments based on stereotypes. Most aren’t like that.
I really appreciate the honest feedback everyone has given on this post. Some of it was hard to hear, but all of it enlightening. And I appreciate the generosity of the community in the time they took to engage in this issue. I do want to address one last thing before giving this post a rest. A lot of people on this post have made conjectures about my reproductive health and ability to have children at the age of 41.…
Earlier quoted context omitted.
“ I understand why you wanted the focus to be more generic.” Actually I wanted the focus to be more specific- on how individuals had solved this problem for themselves, rather than on giving me generic advice.
Huh! That makes sense. And is also confusing. It’s not problem solving; it’s reading stories from which you might glean some combination of hope and a technique or two to mimic. If I wanted to solicit stories like that, I’d tend to post on Reddit rather than HN and ask something like, “How did those of you who went on dozens or even a hundred dates with little success find a life partner?”
Earlier quoted context omitted.
And I like really sweet, super nerdy guys:)
Out of the 120, how many were sweet and super nerdy? What was their second date rate? Along a different dimension, what indicia of nerdiness appeal to you? This comment along with your reactions suggests a theory. Let's see if it validates :)
Your experience suggests you can solve your problem in one of two ways: Figure out how to interest the attractive men in commitment; figure out how to feel attraction to someone who will commit. It might help to analyze what makes you feel attracted to someone. What were the moments, characteristics, or sensations that inspired you to conclude you were attracted to that 10%?
However, I will say that for the 10%, there was nothing that extremely bothered me, that they were fine (nice-looking enough, smart enough, good listener enough, nothing mind-blowing - not looking for super models or master conversationalists). If I felt I could tolerate them for a second date, I'd go on one.
Your experience suggests you can solve your problem in one of two ways: Figure out how to interest the attractive men in commitment; figure out how to feel attraction to someone who will commit. It might help to analyze what makes you feel attracted to someone. What were the moments, characteristics, or sensations that inspired you to conclude you were attracted to that 10%?
I really appreciate the honest feedback everyone has given on this post. Some of it was hard to hear, but all of it enlightening. And I appreciate the generosity of the community in the time they took to engage in this issue. I do want to address one last thing before giving this post a rest. A lot of people on this post have made conjectures about my reproductive health and ability to have children at the age of 41.…
I hope you’ll chat with a few friends about why you decided to write this to the few remaining stragglers. I should do the same though I know why I’m a mess :) Your response is heartfelt. It misconstrues the point many were making. None of us know the details of your fertility. We don’t know anything more about you than what you say. The points about your fertility were about its perception not about its reality. You…
I really appreciate the honest feedback everyone has given on this post. Some of it was hard to hear, but all of it enlightening. And I appreciate the generosity of the community in the time they took to engage in this issue. I do want to address one last thing before giving this post a rest. A lot of people on this post have made conjectures about my reproductive health and ability to have children at the age of 41.…
I hope you’ll chat with a few friends about why you decided to write this to the few remaining stragglers. I should do the same though I know why I’m a mess :) Your response is heartfelt. It misconstrues the point many were making. None of us know the details of your fertility. We don’t know anything more about you than what you say. The points about your fertility were about its perception not about its reality. You…
Most are women.
Many laughed at me posting this on a forum dominated by men in their twenties.
As not the best place to get advice on this issue.
I, however, have found it interesting.
I will argue with you though. If you look at the language, many people on this people volunteered their facts about my fertility without any expression that it was a perception, but just a fact.
I will add that the moderators have been incredibly vigilant in deleting and flagging some of the more misogynistic comments that have been posted here including one that said, "your baby will definitely be abnormal"
I feel and I have always felt that it's easy to point fingers at Trump for saying "grab them by the pussy" in a van, but it's harder to address misogyny in your own community and treat the people who are being misogynistic as human beings. That starts by expressing your own humanity and seeing theirs.
These people can continue to go around telling women in their forties that they are infertile and act like they know better than a doctor, or maybe the next time they meet a woman like me, they will pause and see that might be hurtful, and be more curious instead of volunteering these unsolicited "Facts" about her body.
These are random musings.
However, the most important thing about writing that answer was that I needed to stand up for myself.
And express why this bothered me so much.
I know my body better than the people in this forum. The comments made me doubt that a couple times. I needed to stand up for myself.
I felt better.
Thanks for asking.
Also, I am not a mess. I'm sorry if you feel you are. You don't seem like a mess, but you know yourself best :) Good luck to you.