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Alain de Botton on existential maturity and what emotional intelligence means

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11–20 of 147 posts

Re: Alain de Botton on existential maturity and what emotional intelligence means

#11

Alain de Botton's School of life is... honestly weird. It's really confident and tries to give good advice; but so much of that advice is quite bad, and the channel might overall do more harm than good (for more people than fewer). YouTuber Big Joel has done two breakdowns of it that are worth watching: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JlkJJygIoVU and https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4VZ30qL7j3Q .

It's not proven bad advice, that's just your opinion.

Re: Alain de Botton on existential maturity and what emotional intelligence means

#12

> exponential progress in the material and technological fields combined with perplexing stasis in the psychological one. That's not an accident. Nor a failing in the many timeless tools of emotional education - literature, drama and other arts. It's deliberate and systematic. Ever since Edward Bernays the power of Wall Street has been directed at stripping our emotional centres of everything but blind selfish desire…

When I spy on folks that buy the truly insanely expensive but useless gadgets/fashion, I really start to agree with sentiments like yours.

There's few things quite as profitable as an endless black pit of despair within yourself. Well that, and war.

Re: Alain de Botton on existential maturity and what emotional intelligence means

#13

Alain de Botton's School of life is... honestly weird. It's really confident and tries to give good advice; but so much of that advice is quite bad, and the channel might overall do more harm than good (for more people than fewer). YouTuber Big Joel has done two breakdowns of it that are worth watching: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JlkJJygIoVU and https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4VZ30qL7j3Q .

Saw a bit of the first video. I really have no clue about the literature of the impact of childhood experiences in adult relationships, and for his complaint about the lack of references, he provides none either.

Then he moves to the friendship video. His complaint seems to be that the videos simplify and overstate their claims. Which is true. But he doesn't really refute the main point to the video, which is that friendships, by having lower expectations, suffer less (though definitely not always, we all know about toxic friendships) from the more complicated dynamics of romantic relationships. It sounds more like nitpicking. Then he changes from the descriptive presentation of relationships to a normative one (romantic relationships should be "nice"), which misses the point entirely. (Plus the ideia that relationships should be "fun" and "nice" and not also a space for emotional growth where shit comes to top tells me he probably didn't have really intimate relationships).

Re: Alain de Botton on existential maturity and what emotional intelligence means

#14

Alain de Botton's School of life is... honestly weird. It's really confident and tries to give good advice; but so much of that advice is quite bad, and the channel might overall do more harm than good (for more people than fewer). YouTuber Big Joel has done two breakdowns of it that are worth watching: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JlkJJygIoVU and https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4VZ30qL7j3Q .

> YouTuber Big Joel has done two breakdowns of it that are worth watching

Honest question: why is "YouTuber Big Joel" someone I should spend an hour listening to?

Re: Alain de Botton on existential maturity and what emotional intelligence means

#15
My own impression with Alain’s approach to self-taught mental well-being through intellectual pursuit:

It isn’t very actionable. I’d rather have a method that works for non-intellectuals too, because it lets me not think. One that says “have a glass of lemon water in the morning.” and not tell you that it has some physical health benefits, but that building morning routine is crucial to starting off right... that way I can detach my intellect and my ego.

I still like Alain’s books.

Re: Alain de Botton on existential maturity and what emotional intelligence means

#16

Alain de Botton's School of life is... honestly weird. It's really confident and tries to give good advice; but so much of that advice is quite bad, and the channel might overall do more harm than good (for more people than fewer). YouTuber Big Joel has done two breakdowns of it that are worth watching: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JlkJJygIoVU and https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4VZ30qL7j3Q .

I found the School Of Life’s videos to be compelling, thought-provoking, and insightful when I needed them the most.

I dropped in a few times at critical points in recent years. They helped me look at my current circumstances in a more objective and factual way.

I didn’t necessarily learn anything “new” from their bite-sized videos, but many of them helped me cut through the fog of stress/anxiety. I felt immense relief as they helped me recognise what was really going on behind-the-scenes in my current situation.

I’m thankful for the different perspectives they brought to me, especially when they were so easy to digest at a time when my mind was not able to think as clearly as I’d have liked.

Re: Alain de Botton on existential maturity and what emotional intelligence means

#17

> exponential progress in the material and technological fields combined with perplexing stasis in the psychological one. That's not an accident. Nor a failing in the many timeless tools of emotional education - literature, drama and other arts. It's deliberate and systematic. Ever since Edward Bernays the power of Wall Street has been directed at stripping our emotional centres of everything but blind selfish desire…

Your comment drips with conspiracy, but is hard to trifle with.

Actually, it's sort of a proven conspiracy. Edward Bernays (Freud's nephew and student) went to America and basically invented modern advertisement. His system of propaganda found its way back to the likes of Goebbels and other unsavory types.

"The conscious and intelligent manipulation of the organized habits and opinions of the masses is an important element in democratic society. Those who manipulate this unseen mechanism of society constitute an invisible government which is the true ruling power of our country. …We are governed, our minds are molded, our tastes formed, our ideas suggested, largely by men we have never heard of. This is a logical result of the way in which our democratic society is organized. Vast numbers of human beings must cooperate in this manner if they are to live together as a smoothly functioning society. …In almost every act of our daily lives, whether in the sphere of politics or business, in our social conduct or our ethical thinking, we are dominated by the relatively small number of persons… who understand the mental processes and social patterns of the masses. It is they who pull the wires which control the public mind."

Quite conspiratorial if you ask me.

Re: Alain de Botton on existential maturity and what emotional intelligence means

#18

> exponential progress in the material and technological fields combined with perplexing stasis in the psychological one. That's not an accident. Nor a failing in the many timeless tools of emotional education - literature, drama and other arts. It's deliberate and systematic. Ever since Edward Bernays the power of Wall Street has been directed at stripping our emotional centres of everything but blind selfish desire…

When I spy on folks that buy the truly insanely expensive but useless gadgets/fashion, I really start to agree with sentiments like yours. There's few things quite as profitable as an endless black pit of despair within yourself. Well that, and war.

I'm not sure the marketing people are deliberately selling despair. That would be spectacular foot marksmanship. As Bill Hicks said (of AC/DC or Spooky Tooth) - "what rock band wants their fans to actually kill themselves?"

Despair may be a late onset symptom, but on the whole it's joyous self-invention, instant gratification, ephemeral experience, and other kinds of microwavable self-stroking that's being pushed. Nice as they are, convenient, zero-effort mind candies give a quick rush but no lasting sustenance. Hence Adam Phillips's comment, I guess.

Re: Alain de Botton on existential maturity and what emotional intelligence means

#19

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The ones I've seen have all seemed fine to me. It's advice, and advice is not a branch of science.

You know what they say... opinions are like **holes, everyone has one and they all stink... wait wrong aphorism. ... OK I've got it: Advice is only worth what you pay for it. I guess either one works here...

So... €38.99 on Amazon?

Re: Alain de Botton on existential maturity and what emotional intelligence means

#20

> exponential progress in the material and technological fields combined with perplexing stasis in the psychological one. That's not an accident. Nor a failing in the many timeless tools of emotional education - literature, drama and other arts. It's deliberate and systematic. Ever since Edward Bernays the power of Wall Street has been directed at stripping our emotional centres of everything but blind selfish desire…

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