My first impression is that it sounds like you have a strategy problem. Give some thought to those 120 dates, years of self-improvement and searching, and where your successes and failures have been. The men, the apps, other factors? Identifying the pain points can help you find ways to overcome them.
Ask HN: I’m 41 and still unmarried – what should I do?
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Re: Ask HN: I’m 41 and still unmarried – what should I do?
#492No post body was provided.
Re: Ask HN: I’m 41 and still unmarried – what should I do?
#493Earlier quoted context omitted.
Throwaway, because I'm going to say things that may not be all that kosher, but you asked for honest feedback, so here. Additionally, you're asking some very nerdy nerds this advice on a Saturday of a long weekend. The population sample here is biased as hell. Also, lets face it, men are pigs. And without a picture of you, we're all just guessing as to real reasons why. And, no, that doesn't mean I want a pic of you,…
Thank you for your kind and encouraging post! I’d be curious to hear from men here if they identify with this and feel un attracted to a woman providing for herself. Many thanks again for your thoughts and being positive and affirming .
I think it’s an outdated perspective.
I would never marry a woman that can’t provide for herself, and I think it would be amazing if she earns more than me.
However, I don’t think it’s completely wrong, men do want to feel needed somehow.
You seems so perfect and the only thing missing in your life it’s a child. That’s not a good advertisement.
Let men feel needed and tell them that, ask for their help and their opinion. If a guy is real computer nerd, let him help with your IT related issues, and sure, you could probably pay someone to do it better, but the point is to let people/men feel as part of your life.
What is missing in your life beside a child?
Are you too serious? Look for a funny guy that can make you laugh.
Are you too healthy maniac? Look for a guy that can sometimes push you to really tasty food, but not healthy.
Are you too impulsive? Look for a guy that keep you grounded.
And let them know how they complete you!
Re: Ask HN: I’m 41 and still unmarried – what should I do?
#4942 suggestions.
1- Have kids on your own via a sperm donor. Lori Gottlieb details her journey doing just so in the excellent book, “¿Maybe you should talk to someone?”
2- Just have fun. With kids off the table, you can find someone you can talk to—a lot lower stakes. Someone you like depending on.
Good luck!!
Re: Ask HN: I’m 41 and still unmarried – what should I do?
#495No post body was provided.
Re: Ask HN: I’m 41 and still unmarried – what should I do?
#496Earlier quoted context omitted.
i think there are a shortage of men who want to have a baby with a 41 year old woman. market dynamics.
True that. An older woman makes me think birth defects, less agreeable, more jaded, less spontaneous, less flexible, worrying more, and less energetic for weekend adventures. These are mostly stereotypes that don't hold for all cases. The birth defects part is the only statistical one. I (44m S NM NK MAANG) inadvertently have much younger gfs (19-27), Master's- / PhD-types who also tend to be more emotionally and lif…
im not sure we are suppose to have preferences, these days.
Re: Ask HN: I’m 41 and still unmarried – what should I do?
#497Earlier quoted context omitted.
But do you know how many tried and failed? The chance of failure at 40 is definitely higher than 30 (unless you froze eggs when younger). > The percentage of IVF cycle starts that resulted in live births was 41.5% in women younger than 35 years, 31.9% in women aged 35–37 years, 22.1% in women aged 38–40 years, 12.4% in women aged 41–42 years, 5% in women aged 43–44 years, and 1 % for women older than 44 years. In con…
This is one of the statistical realities I really wish society was more open about. It would really help women make proper informed decisions.
That is against the narrative that women are equal or can do everything.
Nature is different as fertility patterns between man and women.
If women does not have their ducks in line at 32.
This thread happens.
I am not saying this is fair or nice.
However men usually dies 5 years earlier in average.
Things are different saying its not does not help.
Edge cases are not normal.
Re: Ask HN: I’m 41 and still unmarried – what should I do?
#498Have you ever told any of your dates how much effort you are put into finding a partner? If not, why not?
Are you allowing yourself to br vulnerable on dates? If not, it is unlikely that the neccesary attraction is created for a long lasting relationship.
Re: Ask HN: I’m 41 and still unmarried – what should I do?
#499Earlier quoted context omitted.
I think you're underestimating what healthy 60 year olds can do. Physical fitness is only required for kids under about 6. After that it's just a nice to have. A good friend of mine had a 60 year old dad and 30 something mum. By all accounts it was great. The only downside was that his dad died when my friend was in his early 20s. I've also got some friends where the mum is mid 40s and the dad is in his early 60s. Yo…
The problem is not the 60s, but the 70s and the 80s when the other partner is a lot younger. I’m sure a dad can be loving whatever his age is.
You're right, but the bigger picture is that the OP is about to seriously consider using a sperm donor. A 60 year old man with good genes who will provide 10 years of active parenting and an inheritance for the kid is a lot better than a sperm donor who will provide nothing. As for looking after him in his old age; she should screen for 60 year old men who can fund their own old age care.
Re: Ask HN: I’m 41 and still unmarried – what should I do?
#500I know many educated, intelligent, attractive, kind 40 something women. Who also say they want to get married. But, are searching for a unicorn. And will not lower their unreasonable standards. Because, their dream guy doesn’t exist. Some dealbreaker’s of their’s - never married no kids degree makes 6 figures texan (even though she is in colorado) makes 7-8 figures a year (I kid you not, $1-10M / yr) dog lover vegan…
I actually do quite agree with you, but that’s not me! I want someone kind, loyal, good in bed, happy, smart enough and yes, I’ll admit eager to grow and learn as a person. Don’t care a wit about six figures, vegan , though all my married women friends say I should !! :)
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