171–180 of 741 posts
Most people find a relationship in fewer than 120 dates. What's been the barrier for you?
My humble suggestion is to meet someone as soon as possible once you know you're interested (in a safe setting, ofc). This really cut down on churn for me.
There is no replacement for real-life live interaction!
Stress to them that you are sorry things didn't work out between you, you don't have an interest in trying again, but you really want to know what they found appealing and not appealing.
Good luck!
"My time for having children is running out." You like dates! You may be addicted to dates [knowingly or not]. There is nothing wrong with that.
Lol. I wish I liked online dating. I find it torture and only force myself to do it with a great accountability partner hoping the odds are I’ll meet someone great.
1) What is your zodiac sign?:) I know , stupid question, but anyway, what is your birth day and month?
2) Little lifehack when choosing between the candidates, the guy you want to marry is the one who will make you smile and even laugh every time you meet him
3) check the book "mathematics of love" and the mathematical lecture by Gusein Zade called "picky bride". Alternatively by Martin Gardner. That may help :)
4) Best of luck:)
My advice - don't focus on the end goal. Which seems to be multiple: - Be married - Have kids - Be in love
Those goals are all achievable by themselves and each one leads you toward the holy trinity.
Meet people that you can connect with. As a nerd who loves data analysis, you have 120 dates of data you can look into to determine trends. What was the good/bad parts of each date? That might help narrow things down for the future dates.
A lot of men are looking for atleast one of those (sometimes all of the above), but I've seen my male friends get overwhelmed for a lack of a better term when faced with all of them at once.
I know that's not the quick fix advice you want but I think that's the honest truth. There's lots of men out there.
Freezing your eggs is a possibility but I can understand the challenges/reluctance in that.
Good luck and I hope you will come back to this post in a year and add "PS. I found the love of my life and we're having twins!"
>By most cultural standards, according to my male friends, I’m smart,
This is pretty irrelevant, even if true, which is always suspect coming from guys. It's also a very common BS compliment.
> beautiful,
If guys are using the B word, it probably means you are not attractive/hot/sexy, which is what the vast majority of guys care about. So, that should probably be your first priority to rectify. To quickly go through the rest of what you seemingly find relevant to matchmaking:
"Fit"—this only matters if it makes you hot, or if you are so un-fit you are debilitated or extremely not-hot. "Kind"—this is nice; a lot of guys enjoy spending time around actually kind/selfless women, but it's also given as a very common BS compliment. "Emotionally mature"—irrelevant; you only have to be not-insane. "Doing meaningful work"—200% irrelevant; guys do not need you to do meaningful work, and it does not make you more attractive to them if you're doing it.
>Over the last two years I’ve been on over 120 dates with men I’ve met online - a few I met in person - in 3 different cities .
This right here means your problem is your expectations, or a wildly effective set of red flags scaring everybody off. Men are easy, so it's probably the former.
>I’ve deeply invested myself in therapy, support groups, meditation, dating coaching, ... and hypnotism.
You obviously need to stop all that, because it isn't working. Also, it probably makes you look nuts.
>yoga
This, is actually productive. It's healthy, and very tangential to Hot for a lot of guys.
>I’ve read and done the exercises in Calling In the One, Love Addiction, Datonomics, Make Your Move and If the Buddha dated. I’ve listened to every episode of Girls Gotta Eat.
You should definitely stop this, as well. The wisdom you're gleaning from them is obviously terrible, if you went on dates with 120 guys and got nowhere.
>I’ve gone to CrossFit and hung out at steakhouses. I’ve dated every profession you can think of from doctors to electricians and unemployed guys.
Good experience, but useless in the long run if you don't also fix your broken expectations, and reorient your objectives towards what guys are actually attracted to.
If you want to know what would actually make a guy consider a long term relationship with you, ask a basic guy's-guy what he would say if another guy asked the question; or better yet, have a guy ask the question to begin with. There will always be a filter between guys and you, telling them to answer questions like that in a false, socially acceptable manner.
TL;DR —
1) Reevaluate yourself, through the lens of what guys care about(attractiveness, youth, comfort at home, humor and wit, sensuality, mutual interests), to understand what league you probably need to be looking in.
2) Cultivate those things guys care about. Cultivate interests guys-you-like tend to have.
3) Identify guys you would like a future with — they should be at least ~2%+ of men your age — and actually, actively pursue that future with them.
Men are not picky. It’s weird to lump people into categories like ‘marriageable’ and choose someone because they’re educated. People have much more important properties in a relationship. Someone with a trusting and caring nature will be a million times better partner than one who only has some cool PhD.
Doctors and VPs at Tesla or other major companies were almost universally less fun dates and overall emotionally unavailable, with only one exception out of dozens for me. I was a little disappointed to reality this but once I accepted and incorporated it into my selections, things improved vastly.
1. Hacks won't do it. You don't hack through life, and if that's your attitude, changing it might help you achieve what you are trying to achieve.
2. If you are willing to do almost everything, I suggest Church-hunting—try to find a suitable religious man. No, I am not joking. If you want my reasoning , you may contact me.
3. I suggest you have a kid either way—it is difficult, but worth it. If you “run out of time”, adopt.
4. Do not make rush decisions based on obscure possibilities.
5. You are probably looking in the wrong crowd. Or are being picky.
6. Take a moment back, and decide how you want to move forward. If you take advice from anyone, take it from a married couple.
My contacts for "internet people": vhjjgf.mob93@simplelogin.co
Given the little time you have left, i'd recommend going with that friend that's been secretely in love with you, but you've only ever considered a friend. My guess is that you've built yourself a modern romantic image of what a couple should be (aka : two maddly in love young beautiful people having crazy passionate sex every night) instead of the traditional one (two grown ups trying to build a family against the c…
As a guy, on average you're actually getting more attractive as you age. For women, it works the opposite, which can understandably be very difficult for former hotties. The tables flip around 35-40 years old. Regardless, I wish you all the best and hope you find someone as awesome as I'm certain you are!
Thanks for the kind words, though.
Earlier quoted context omitted.
What is the point of saying this? My interpretation is this accuses OP of being delusional about their attractiveness or lying to us. How is your "observation" supposed to help? Regardless, I posit that marrying someone you're not attracted to is not a good idea if you want a happy and fulfilling life. You're going to be spending a lot, lot, lot of time with them. It's a recipe for resentment, which is fatal to relat…
OP being delusional is not an accusation, but a feedback. She can use photofeeler as well to get a rating (as a 40 year old successful, average looking guy I usually get about 7 even though I'm trying to take care of myself, and I definitely wouldn't describe myself as handsome when I ask for dating advice). I'm starting to accept that I can't find a person to marry at this point in my life, I should have done it at…
For you my friend, please read this:
https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=31963218
As a guy, your clock hasn't run out yet! If you're a 7, and a genuinely nice / generous / loving / honest / emotionally mature person, don't give up! There are fewer "good" men out there than you may realize, you're actually a hot commodity.