Ask HN: I’m 41 and still unmarried – what should I do?

Since I was a little girl, I’ve dreamed of falling in love and having a family of my own.

By most cultural standards, according to my male friends, I’m smart, beautiful, fit, kind, emotionally mature and doing meaningful work in the world. Not too needy and not a workaholic.

Over the last two years I’ve been on over 120 dates with men I’ve met online - a few I met in person - in 3 different cities .

I’ve deeply invested myself in therapy, support groups, meditation, dating coaching, yoga and hypnotism. I’ve tried bumble, tinder , Eharmony, hinge, coffee meets bagel, Thursday, Match, speed dating as well as a few other random apps.

I’ve asked my friends to set me up . I tried to crowdsource a husband on Facebook.

I’ve read and done the exercises in Calling In the One, Love Addiction, Datonomics, Make Your Move and If the Buddha dated. I’ve listened to every episode of Girls Gotta Eat.

I’ve gone to CrossFit and hung out at steakhouses. I’ve dated every profession you can think of from doctors to electricians and unemployed guys.

I even moved to Austin because I read that’s where there was the highest ratio of educated men to women, thereby improving my odds of meeting a marriageable man.

My time for having children is running out.

This has always been my dream and I’m willing to try almost anything. I was raised by a single mom and I really want to have kids with a man I love, not do it on my own.

So, are there any love hacks I could try?

Please encouragement only, no discouragement. I’m discouraged enough already.

Might I ask what happened over these 120 dates. Is there none of them you find attractive or see a path to a meaningful connection with in time?

Most of the time with the online dates, I felt one out of ten was somewhat attractive, so I’d give them a chance and get interested then the guys immediately lost interest and ghosted me after things got physically intimate. I think they just wanted sex and I wanted to wait to get to know them better.

I understand your frustration. You've tried so many things without finding success.

Chances are we can't tell you anything your therapist(s) and dating coach(es) haven't already - they probably have a lot more information about you, and are specialists in the area of relationships.

You mention you've been on over 120 dates - that's a lot of dates! Were there any second dates? Why or why not?

What has led those 120 potential partners to not work out?

From what you’ve described here, you’re quite the catch. Is it that belief that is leading you to have too high of standards for your mate?